Rejected by old boss - argh!

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 2025-02-21T23:53:59+00:00

Name changed for this. I’ve spent the evening feeling very sorry for myself! A few years ago I worked for a very long time for my old boss as his PA. I always did a good job and got great feedback/reviews and when he moved departments we kept in touch (I stayed in my old role as how our company is structured he couldn’t “take me with him”) We have kept in touch and I’d actually say we are good friends and also colleagues. He recently got a promotion to a newly created role and internally they advertised for a PA for him. So I applied and interviewed with him (and another person from his team on the panel). I thought I’d be great and a good fit given I know him and I know his new area he’s been promoted to. And then at 5pm, I got a rejection email from HR. No feedback. Nothing. To make matters worse, we have spoken since the interview (about normal things unrelated to work). I feel SO sad. I really wanted to work for him again and he always says how much he loved working with me…so why not give me the job?! Ergh. AIBU for feeling this way?

steff13 · 21/02/2025 23:56

Was it completely up to him? Maybe he wanted you but was outvoted for some reason. Can you ask them for feedback?

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 21/02/2025 23:57

steff13 · 21/02/2025 23:56

Was it completely up to him? Maybe he wanted you but was outvoted for some reason. Can you ask them for feedback?

It was completely his decision. There was another panel member but how these things tend to work in my company is whoever the “boss” chooses tends to get the role given the role is working very closely with him (manages his private diary too).

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Labraradabrador · 22/02/2025 00:02

It might be that from his perspective your relationship has shifted into friend territory and being your boss would be uncomfortable.

it might be that he feels like he needs something different in his new role

did you speak to him about it before you applied?

MellowTiger · 22/02/2025 00:02

I’d ask for feedback. If your friends could you ask him directly? Maybe he prefers you as a friend rather than an employee?

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:04

Labraradabrador · 22/02/2025 00:02

It might be that from his perspective your relationship has shifted into friend territory and being your boss would be uncomfortable.

it might be that he feels like he needs something different in his new role

did you speak to him about it before you applied?

I did speak to him and he told me to go for it. He wasn’t sort of overly encouraging or super negative, just said yes I should apply.

I’m really nervous to ask him for feedback, as I suspect he’ll make something up rather than perhaps admit he didn’t want me….

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Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:05

MellowTiger · 22/02/2025 00:02

I’d ask for feedback. If your friends could you ask him directly? Maybe he prefers you as a friend rather than an employee?

Thank you. I just worry he may just make up an excuse and in reality he never thought I was good/doesn’t like me. I almost feel too hurt to message him too! Gosh how pathetic!

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cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 00:07

Is it possible another candidate just gave a better interview?

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:08

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 00:07

Is it possible another candidate just gave a better interview?

It could well be. I just know him so well, how he works, his new area of work, his personal matters so could just slot right in.

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cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 00:09

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:08

It could well be. I just know him so well, how he works, his new area of work, his personal matters so could just slot right in.

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Is it possible you didn’t give your best answers in the interview as you assumed too much prior knowledge?

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:10

cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 00:09

Is it possible you didn’t give your best answers in the interview as you assumed too much prior knowledge?

Show quote history

It could be. But given he knows me and my work so well would he not factor that in? Maybe you are right though.

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cinnamonbunfight · 22/02/2025 00:13

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:10

It could be. But given he knows me and my work so well would he not factor that in? Maybe you are right though.

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Sorry no, this is a classic mistake to make when being interviewed by someone who knows you.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 22/02/2025 00:14

I guessing your relationship has become too "friendly". Once that line is crossed a lot of people find it very difficult to be truly comfortable in the "boss" role.

You also do sound very sure you know him extremely well. PP mentioned that maybe you assumed too much prior knowledge and that could definitely be a factor if this is how you presented in the interview.

Poppyseeds79 · 22/02/2025 00:14

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:10

It could be. But given he knows me and my work so well would he not factor that in? Maybe you are right though.

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Depends on their scoring system though. I've interviewed candidates already doing the role they're applying for, and because they mentally expect us to just fill in the gaps. It's ended up with someone else scoring higher based on the system we use.

Lostworlds · 22/02/2025 00:16

I would ask for feedback when you’re back in work, don’t contact him outside of work for feedback.

There are so many reasons as to why you didn’t get it, he may have had someone in mind already, someone interviewed better, you didn’t perform well or he would rather keep you as a friend.

I think the fact that he didn’t ask you to interview for it and then wasn’t overly encouraging about it shows he may have had someone else in mind.

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:16

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 22/02/2025 00:14

I guessing your relationship has become too "friendly". Once that line is crossed a lot of people find it very difficult to be truly comfortable in the "boss" role.

You also do sound very sure you know him extremely well. PP mentioned that maybe you assumed too much prior knowledge and that could definitely be a factor if this is how you presented in the interview.

The thing is that it was largely based on questions about experiences and actually very few examples included him! I deliberately did that so it wouldn’t just be all about working for him. So I gave a range of examples, as I didn’t want to make it awkward to mention jobs I’d done for him in the interview.

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Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:17

Lostworlds · 22/02/2025 00:16

I would ask for feedback when you’re back in work, don’t contact him outside of work for feedback.

There are so many reasons as to why you didn’t get it, he may have had someone in mind already, someone interviewed better, you didn’t perform well or he would rather keep you as a friend.

I think the fact that he didn’t ask you to interview for it and then wasn’t overly encouraging about it shows he may have had someone else in mind.

I think your last paragraph actually sums up how I feel too. It was helpful to see it written down like that.

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Mls1984btc · 22/02/2025 00:19

Would you be interacting with him anymore in a personal capacity? I would find it so uncomfortable after this rejection. If he is truly your friend he should have let you know they already had someone in mind and do not apply.

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:19

Also, and it’s rather embarrassing to type, but I just feel so so embarrassed. I feel embarrassed to message him, or be normal with him knowing he’s rejected me for the role. I don’t really know how I can go back to a friendship either.

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MonBlu · 22/02/2025 00:20

OP it may not be that you weren't good enough, rather that someone else was even better. Perhaps one of the other candidates was also someone he knew and had worked with before? Perhaps you were competing with someone who has useful specialist knowledge or experience that you don't have. He probably found it a hard decision to make, and just because you weren't chosen doesn't mean you were terrible.

I don't know your industry, but in my industry all hires are overseen and interviews are recorded and reviewed. If my management team gave someone they knew a job on the basis that they knew her and liked her while someone else's interview and skillset was superior, they would be answering some tricky questions.

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:20

Mls1984btc · 22/02/2025 00:19

Would you be interacting with him anymore in a personal capacity? I would find it so uncomfortable after this rejection. If he is truly your friend he should have let you know they already had someone in mind and do not apply.

Exactly this! I feel so uncomfortable. He’s someone I genuinely speak to perhaps once a week and I enjoy our chats - whether it’s about our children or current affairs or of course work. And now it’s awkward.

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MissSookieStackhouse · 22/02/2025 00:21

Is it possible his most recent PA also applied for the job, so he had two strong candidates who knew his way of working?

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:21

MonBlu · 22/02/2025 00:20

OP it may not be that you weren't good enough, rather that someone else was even better. Perhaps one of the other candidates was also someone he knew and had worked with before? Perhaps you were competing with someone who has useful specialist knowledge or experience that you don't have. He probably found it a hard decision to make, and just because you weren't chosen doesn't mean you were terrible.

I don't know your industry, but in my industry all hires are overseen and interviews are recorded and reviewed. If my management team gave someone they knew a job on the basis that they knew her and liked her while someone else's interview and skillset was superior, they would be answering some tricky questions.

Thank you for this. It may well be because his job is a slightly more technical now that he chose someone with that particular expertise of working and having other PA stakeholders in that more niche area.

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Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:22

MissSookieStackhouse · 22/02/2025 00:21

Is it possible his most recent PA also applied for the job, so he had two strong candidates who knew his way of working?

To add to the awkwardness, she did not, because we discussed before and when she found out I was she decided not to apply 😩

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user1477249785 · 22/02/2025 00:25

Hi OP. I've been on the other side of the equation and believe me, it's not comfortable for anyone. When it happened to me, it simply came down to a candidate who absolutely nailed it on the day and who I thought would bring some fresh perspective that I might need in the new role.

I understand you are feeling hurt and rejected. But remember he isn't rejecting you or your previous work. He's simply saying that for what he needs, in this role at this time, there's another candidate. It doesn't need to be weird between you and him: asking him for feedback is a good idea but remember he didn't owe this to you and there may be many reasons why he took the decision in he did.

I wish you all the best.

Original poster

Greengreengrassblueblueskies · 22/02/2025 00:26

user1477249785 · 22/02/2025 00:25

Hi OP. I've been on the other side of the equation and believe me, it's not comfortable for anyone. When it happened to me, it simply came down to a candidate who absolutely nailed it on the day and who I thought would bring some fresh perspective that I might need in the new role.

I understand you are feeling hurt and rejected. But remember he isn't rejecting you or your previous work. He's simply saying that for what he needs, in this role at this time, there's another candidate. It doesn't need to be weird between you and him: asking him for feedback is a good idea but remember he didn't owe this to you and there may be many reasons why he took the decision in he did.

I wish you all the best.

Hi. Thanks so much for this and giving your side of the picture! How did the relationship work out between you and your former colleague who didn’t get the job? Any tips on how to handle it well? At the moment I am just so upset and angry.

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