Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

That made me laugh. Sounds perfect!! Not your finest moment but I love it!!

Its called reactive aggression and even the most measured and mild mannered people can be driven to it.

He deserved it and worse.

Good choice!!

To think he wanted the duvet off his child's bed 🤯 Of course you got the rage and quite rightly so...it'll have done you the world of good. Now it's your time to quietly heal and be grateful there will be no more deception in your life. Have a wonderful, wholesome life with your DC op ❤️

Well done, op! You're letting your rage out of your body and sending it where it belongs. Much healthier than holding it in an bottling up, I always think.

And brilliant removal men, I can totally believe they have seen it all!

I like that idea of revisiting things you loved BXP (before ex partner); the films, books, TV, places, hobbies and interests.

And then finding new things for new you PXP.

"Not my finest moment but so cathartic."

There's something to be said for cathartic.

Basically you were cooperating and tolerant until he became petty and demanded the duvet from a child's bed. Depriving a child of a duvet to keep warm, after everything he's done and all he's taken from your family unit.

I bet the removal men, who've seen everythign as they said, I bet when he said that they exchanged glances and said Uh Oh.

I think any onlooker would have been on your side.

I read this a couple of times, thinking I’d miss understood. He wanted the duvet off your child’s bed? I don’t blame you for lobbing things out of the window.

I wouldn’t worry about it ‘not being your finest hour’ or whatever - I think it’s bloody brilliant. You have behaved impeccably through out this and have been level headed (totally get in private would be different!!) but the pettiness of that request on top of everything else and how he has been would have sent most people’s anger rocketing.

The removal men will have seen it all / far worse and I’d be surprised if they didn’t think he’s a right arsehole!

I think you’re awesome and I hope your future is filled with lovely things and positivity.

he wanted a duvet that was on thur child’s bed

what a tight stingy bus wanker

well removal van wanker

but bus wanker sounds better 😂😂

Wow you are amazing, you have handled yourself with grace and dignity and given the removal men a story to tell 😆

Peace of mind is priceless.

I think every time you feel a bit sad about him, or you think you might be having a wobble, remember that he insisted you remove the duvet from your son’s bed.

That will allow to get back in touch with your anger, and douse any flickering flames of positive emotions you might feel towards him.

What an absolute shit.

He sounds worse with every post and by contrast, you just sound more and more fucking magnificent.

What does a duvet cost? You can buy one in the supermarket for £15-£20.
To take it from a child’s bed is a disgrace.

I hope this wasn't a 10 year old duvet ?!!! that he wanted back

The duvet was, as is so often the case, not about the duvet. It was about control. Doing something to hurt you and your child.

Remember that image, have it permanently printed in your mind and bring it up every time you have a bit of an 'oh there were some good times, though ...' wobble of regret.

And remember that incident will become one of your removal men's The Things I've Seen Doing This Job! stories. Imagine them all round a pub table telling their mates. 'I've got a better one, get this ...' They'll be laughing themselves sick at him.

He did you a massive favour with that dickmove.

(It looks like everyone's telling you the same thing here!)

I know it wasn’t about the duvet. It was very expensive duvet like £300. He bought it for us but it was way too hot so my DS ended up using it. Anyway, we replaced it the same day with MUCH cheaper duvet from Asda and my son doesn’t even know the difference😂. Well at least I found out that you get much better aim with throwing whiskey glasses out of the window than cocktail glasses😂

It'll be the weight that helps the aim. I hope you're feeling better, it sounds like you have a lot of loving support especially your stepdad. I still chuckle about him telling ex to sit. Not making light of your situation to be clear.

Yes a whiskey glass is much firmer. I’ll bear that in mind for future reference in case my Frank needs to be removed.
Seriously, as awful as this is right now, in time you will get to know you did the right thing.
Look at the relationship between you and your lovely mum and dad. That’s what you deserve.

Also bear in mind, you can throw plates like a Frisbee but a china plates are much lighter and fly further than expected😂

I threw a whole set of horrible plates at my husband once. One by one.

He'd annoyed me, I was menopausal, and my awful sister had presented me with the plates for Christmas. I was supposed to be grateful to her?

Ha! It felt WONDERFUL. I didn't throw the plates at him, I mean not to hit him. Just in his direction, but aimed to miss.

Oh please tell me you done this! 🤣🤣

Yes I did. I was throwing everything I could get my hands on. Food mixer is heavy and doesn’t fly well so it wasn’t as dramatic as I thought it will be. Imagine the scenery of three men standing on the driveway with boxes and the kitchenware flying towards them through the window

You're my hero.

How much of it broke? Can't imagine much of the plates or glasses surviving.

Almost everything apart from the cutlery. The whiskey glasses were quite sturdy though. They were trying to catch it in plastic removal boxes.

As my school pupils would have said: legend!

That’s a hilarious image OP, agree, you are a total legend.

I don’t want to make you feel any worse or scare you unnecessarily but be careful, OP. I don’t know the law, or how vindictive the ex is, but just to warn you to be prepared - if this man is able to demand a duvet off a child he had a close relationship with’s bed, is he also capable of doing something about deliberate damage to his personal property?

You hear of women cutting up and burning their cheating ex’s clothes, but that’s actually a criminal offence. Few men would pursue it as they know how it makes them look and there’s a shred of guilt at what they have done and acknowledgement that the previous partner deserves to be angry. But not many of these would demand a child’s duvet back. If he feels you’ve ruined his life (the irony) he may feel vindicated and would have witnesses of the removal men. Whether they’d want to get involved or have a sudden dose of amnesia, who knows, and it probably won’t come to that, but just be aware.