Page 35 | Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

JadeMember · 2025-02-21T22:21:12+00:00

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

Original poster

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 15:38

BiggySwish · 09/04/2025 15:23

That’s pretty wild if he’s not prone to massive arguments/ steals / fights / makes a romantic move on them. And the fact it’s never his fault yet there is a pattern there indicates his utter inability to self reflect or take responsibility.

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There is just so many examples like that which happened over the years but I can definitely see now how it was getting worse and worse

OP posts:

Original poster

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 15:46

2JFDIYOLO · 09/04/2025 15:33

Brilliant dad and neighbour.

I'd just quietly let all family and friends (including those who blocked him) know the relationship is over after his affair with a vulnerable woman he targeted.

Then wait - I'd bet the truth about what caused the estrangements will come.

I think you said the locks are changed and the rest of his junk will be with the neighbour and you all intend to be out?
That's for the best - If you see him, hear his voice, let him into your home, you'd be vulnerable.

I'd recommend you block him everywhere except perhaps a dedicated email as the only way communications can happen re the children and financial matters etc. Easier to keep and file email correspondence in a businesslike way than texts / phone messages / WhatsApp etc.

You have your horrified kids to think of as well as yourself.

Reaching out to family and friends will help you build up your support network.

I will not be seeing him. If not for anything else it’s because my parents were begging me not to let him in the house or anywhere near me. I couldn’t do that to them

OP posts:

Floppyelf · 09/04/2025 15:52

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 15:46

I will not be seeing him. If not for anything else it’s because my parents were begging me not to let him in the house or anywhere near me. I couldn’t do that to them

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You’ve had such an escape. You can live a good 60 years without this swine holding you back! Good luck!

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 09/04/2025 16:23

You have great parents!
You are not so bad yourself - in coming out of this horrible experience with such strength and grace.

How good it is that your children have you and their grandparents to hold in contrast to your ex.

(I am feeling very sorry for the dog. Labradors are good at lapping up blame but this one is going to be tested.)

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/04/2025 18:41

How is he contact you? You e got him blocked on just about everything I presume so just keep blocking. He's trying to guilt you by saying he knows you hate him. It's manipulation and you've come too far to let him manipulate you. I know it's hard but you've done so well. You have a wonderful relationship with your mum and dad and May is only a few weeks away. My best advice, lean on your friends. Let them carry you. Turn to them x

Original poster

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 21:36

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/04/2025 18:41

How is he contact you? You e got him blocked on just about everything I presume so just keep blocking. He's trying to guilt you by saying he knows you hate him. It's manipulation and you've come too far to let him manipulate you. I know it's hard but you've done so well. You have a wonderful relationship with your mum and dad and May is only a few weeks away. My best advice, lean on your friends. Let them carry you. Turn to them x

I was deleted and archived his WhatsApp and I thought that will block him but he was in the other group chats so could still contact me. So I blocked him but then he messaged so now I blocked him there as well. He can email me now just to let me know what time he is coming on Friday. H also messaged that he doesn’t have anywhere to live and sleeping in different places. Like how is that my fault! Oh yes please come and stay with me so we can cuddle😂

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Americano75 · 09/04/2025 21:41

I'd be tempted to tell him to keep the sob stories coming, they're hilarious.

Original poster

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 21:44

Americano75 · 09/04/2025 21:41

I'd be tempted to tell him to keep the sob stories coming, they're hilarious.

I don’t respond to it just delete it. It’s hard to hear but I know he is still playing a victim without any responsibility for his actions. Not that it matters now anyway

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OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/04/2025 22:11

Oh what a shame he has nowhere proper to sleep / live.
He is an adult, quite capable of finding a short term rental or a room in a shared house.

Maybe remind him about the mortgage and the looking for a house :)

crankytoes · 09/04/2025 22:26

So did he and the OW break up? Are they no longer seeing each other at all?
how delicious

Original poster

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 23:14

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/04/2025 22:11

Oh what a shame he has nowhere proper to sleep / live.
He is an adult, quite capable of finding a short term rental or a room in a shared house.

Maybe remind him about the mortgage and the looking for a house :)

I’m sure he does have somewhere to go. But I suppose it’s harder to find somewhere with a big reactive dog. He just loves being a victim. Poor him leaving a beautiful home with a large office where he WFH, his dinner cooked and clothes washed for him. And he can’t get a mortgage because his contract finishes in 2 months. Poor him

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AMurderofMurderingCrows · 09/04/2025 23:18

Ah well, he should have thought about that. But instead he fucked around and found out!

Original poster

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 23:18

crankytoes · 09/04/2025 22:26

So did he and the OW break up? Are they no longer seeing each other at all?
how delicious

I don’t exactly know but I know she lives with her mother who also has a mental health issues and the dog which hates his dog. I do have her phone number and I thought about texting her but tbh I don’t want to give them anymore of my energy

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Americano75 · 09/04/2025 23:31

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 21:44

I don’t respond to it just delete it. It’s hard to hear but I know he is still playing a victim without any responsibility for his actions. Not that it matters now anyway

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He's pathetic. He knows he's been rumbled. Sad bastard.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/04/2025 23:51

Awww poor him. indeed !

Do you think dog may end up on your doorstep one day

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 10/04/2025 00:01

Stay strong OP

This isn't easy for you.

You are doing exactly the right thing in keeping away from him and not engaging with his messages. It sounds as if he still thinks he can still manipulate you.

RadFs · 10/04/2025 07:12

Hi @JadeMember hust read all your updates. I remember your earlier post. Hang in there. There will be times you’ll feel at the lowest but remember this was years in the making. It will take time but you’ll come out of it even stronger.

Tgfh · 10/04/2025 07:44

OP, stay vigilant.
He could well be back at your door pleading his case.
He has really messed things up for himself.

WheresYourSnickers · 10/04/2025 08:30

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 23:14

I’m sure he does have somewhere to go. But I suppose it’s harder to find somewhere with a big reactive dog. He just loves being a victim. Poor him leaving a beautiful home with a large office where he WFH, his dinner cooked and clothes washed for him. And he can’t get a mortgage because his contract finishes in 2 months. Poor him

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I would say.... Karma's a Bitch dickhead!!
Good for you for being so strong!! Lots of women could learn from you

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 10/04/2025 11:25

JadeMember · 09/04/2025 21:36

I was deleted and archived his WhatsApp and I thought that will block him but he was in the other group chats so could still contact me. So I blocked him but then he messaged so now I blocked him there as well. He can email me now just to let me know what time he is coming on Friday. H also messaged that he doesn’t have anywhere to live and sleeping in different places. Like how is that my fault! Oh yes please come and stay with me so we can cuddle😂

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That’s his problem. Clearly the grass wasn’t greener there then lol

Honestly you’ve done amazingly well through this. You’ve really empowered yourself which I’m sure will have unsettled him. When you first told your mum and you said that your dad was arranging a flight while you were still talking to your mum on the phone I just thought, wow. What a dad! The ex could certainly learn a thing or two about treating people properly from your dad.

CantGetDecentNickname · 10/04/2025 11:39

Just joining in to say that you have terrific parents OP, especially your Dad.

As for your Ex whining he’s got nowhere to stay…

Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/04/2025 11:40

Isn’t it strange that he’s distressed because he basically wants to get back into OP’s house? Because at the start of the thread, he couldn’t seem to wait to get away from it.
He even got angry over the passport he was that anxious to get out of there. But that’s when it was a safety net with OP running a tight ship, so he could go off swimming into murky waters.
And sadly his little romance with a clearly very vulnerable woman didn’t work out, nor did his bid to get himself another home.
Expect fireworks. Next thing he will be homeless.
There was a thread on here recently where a man had treated the poster very badly. She finally got him out, he ended up moving into a flat nearby. On his first day there he knocked on her door asking for… fabric conditioner! She pointed him to the shop at the end of the road.

Original poster

JadeMember · 10/04/2025 11:43

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/04/2025 11:40

Isn’t it strange that he’s distressed because he basically wants to get back into OP’s house? Because at the start of the thread, he couldn’t seem to wait to get away from it.
He even got angry over the passport he was that anxious to get out of there. But that’s when it was a safety net with OP running a tight ship, so he could go off swimming into murky waters.
And sadly his little romance with a clearly very vulnerable woman didn’t work out, nor did his bid to get himself another home.
Expect fireworks. Next thing he will be homeless.
There was a thread on here recently where a man had treated the poster very badly. She finally got him out, he ended up moving into a flat nearby. On his first day there he knocked on her door asking for… fabric conditioner! She pointed him to the shop at the end of the road.

Edited

Don’t even say that! Literally yesterday I saw a sign ‘for let’ on the flat near me. I thought that I hope he won’t move there!

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treesandsun · 10/04/2025 11:56

Aww poor baby - nowhere to live when his secret mortgage didn't work out. No woman when neither of his OW worked out - I don't trust Prof she is pissed off for the wrong reasons and behaved poorly at the very least. No job - because he is not very good. I know you hate me - yep true that. I have zero sympathy for him.

On the other hand you have an amazing family, your mental strain will be lessening all the time now you are not walking on egg shells for a complete user. The summer is on its way. You have a nice neighbour and every day is going to get better for you and you deserve it.

Sulu17 · 10/04/2025 12:44

I agree about the prof.