Page 36 | Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

JadeMember · 2025-02-21T22:21:12+00:00

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

2JFDIYOLO · 10/04/2025 13:24

Yep - something iffy prof-wise.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/04/2025 13:46

I also agree about the prof.

Original poster

JadeMember · 10/04/2025 15:14

You guys are right. There is something odd about her. I went for lunch with my DCs dad and his sister, we are all close, and I didn’t realised that she knows her. She said straight away that she is flirting with every man who is around and that she is very strange. They laughed that she is running mental health support group

OP posts:

Drummergirl1971 · 10/04/2025 15:39

Who’s running the MH support group - the prof or OW? Either are alarming tbqhwy

treesandsun · 10/04/2025 15:40

JadeMember · 10/04/2025 15:14

You guys are right. There is something odd about her. I went for lunch with my DCs dad and his sister, we are all close, and I didn’t realised that she knows her. She said straight away that she is flirting with every man who is around and that she is very strange. They laughed that she is running mental health support group

Yes, your earlier posts about her - and her always having a spare ticket to things and the trip to France and asking him to things instead of any of the women- she is pissed off alright but not because he has taken advantage of the vulnerable woman but because she thought she was in with a chance herself. She has got a nerve asking you to confirm or deny things he has said to her. As if you have not been through enough. Hopefully you have heard the last of her now but I would tell her this is no longer your circus and keep you out of it .

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 10/04/2025 16:29

Professor is pissed and out for blood because she probably was shagging him too . When OP told her he is having affair with another woman, she obviously didn’t know that he was cheating on her too I bet.

B1indEye · 10/04/2025 19:11

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 10/04/2025 16:29

Professor is pissed and out for blood because she probably was shagging him too . When OP told her he is having affair with another woman, she obviously didn’t know that he was cheating on her too I bet.

Ot possibly more likely she's a sensible woman who doesn't agree with cheating or taking advantage of mentally vulnerable women.

Do you really think he was running 3 women at the same time?

crankytoes · 10/04/2025 20:17

B1indEye · 10/04/2025 19:11

Ot possibly more likely she's a sensible woman who doesn't agree with cheating or taking advantage of mentally vulnerable women.

Do you really think he was running 3 women at the same time?

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Sensible women who don’t like cheats generally don’t ask married men to go out with them, travel abroad on holiday with them and go to sports fixtures with them.

WearyAuldWumman · 10/04/2025 20:22

crankytoes · 10/04/2025 20:17

Sensible women who don’t like cheats generally don’t ask married men to go out with them, travel abroad on holiday with them and go to sports fixtures with them.

Edited

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They also refrain from asking a wife whether she feels threatened by her.

Original poster

JadeMember · 10/04/2025 20:37

WearyAuldWumman · 10/04/2025 20:22

They also refrain from asking a wife whether she feels threatened by her.

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I think she fancied him but he definitely didn’t fancy her

OP posts:

Creu · 10/04/2025 20:55

Reading that all in one go was an absolute rollercoaster. OP I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much in such a short period of time. Big hugs, you are so incredibly strong. I went through something similar years ago and it absolutely rocks your world, but I can honestly say now that it was the best thing that happened to me. I had no idea how much happiness I could find outside of that relationship (with what sounds like a very similar type of person).

I’m not sure the prof is as innocent as she pretends to be. She’s setting my radar off like mad. Glad you’ve spotted it too.

Original poster

JadeMember · 10/04/2025 22:52

Creu · 10/04/2025 20:55

Reading that all in one go was an absolute rollercoaster. OP I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much in such a short period of time. Big hugs, you are so incredibly strong. I went through something similar years ago and it absolutely rocks your world, but I can honestly say now that it was the best thing that happened to me. I had no idea how much happiness I could find outside of that relationship (with what sounds like a very similar type of person).

I’m not sure the prof is as innocent as she pretends to be. She’s setting my radar off like mad. Glad you’ve spotted it too.

I’m sorry you went through it and it’s so good to hear that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
My friends are trying to set me up for a date with someone they know. It feels too early and I normally look pretty and confident but because I lost on weight and I’m worn out, I’m not sure I’m ready to date someone until I sort myself out!

OP posts:

Creu · 10/04/2025 23:10

I wouldn’t have believed anyone who told me at the time but it’s so true. Life is just so much better now.

Take your time. At some point the idea of casually flirting with someone (with no intentions of meeting up) might feel like a fabulous distraction.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/04/2025 23:16

Try and have a nice day tomorow @JadeMember while out

maybe put a note on the door to day stuff with neighbour incase neighbour misses seeing his car

so there is no need for him to call you or make contact tomorrrow

my heart bleeds not - that he has nowhere to live /sleep

message his sister and say not together anymore due to his cheating

makes you wonder why she doesn’t speak to him

remember how far you have come and how well you are coping

I was told it was fine to miss dh when we split up. We had a life together and dreams/plans for future obv not there now

sure the same for you

so don’t feel bad for missing him as you’ve been through a lot

lean on your friends 💐💐

Original poster

JadeMember · 10/04/2025 23:46

We are going to a beach with my friends and my DCs friends tomorrow. We are near the south coast so the weather should be quite good.
I do have very supportive friends, my DC are wonderful and so mature and my parents are just amazing. I am so lucky. My ex has mental health issues, his OW has mental illness, his dog has anxiety and his family doesn’t speak to him. I do miss a relationship but I now understand how toxic it was. I felt so sorry for him but I can now say ‘ It’s not my fucking problem! ‘

OP posts:

2JFDIYOLO · 11/04/2025 00:16

Repeat:

"Not my circus, not my monkeys...!'

Original poster

JadeMember · 11/04/2025 00:28

2JFDIYOLO · 11/04/2025 00:16

Repeat:

"Not my circus, not my monkeys...!'

I love ‘The story of the duck in the bottle’
Not my duck, not my bottle!

OP posts:

CinnamonJellyBeans · 11/04/2025 00:47

You don't have to tell his sister (and report back to mumsnet) anything

You do not need to find out why he fell out with his friends (and report back to mumsnet)

You don't have to engage (and report back to mumsnet) with "The Prof" in any other capacity than random parent of kid who does a sporting activity with yours.

Your connection to them was via your ex-partner and that connection has been severed. Focus your energy and time on your children and yourself, as these are the people who need it.

maggiesleapp · 11/04/2025 20:46

Hope everything went ok today. You’ve got this!

Lotsofsnacks · 11/04/2025 21:07

CinnamonJellyBeans · 11/04/2025 00:47

You don't have to tell his sister (and report back to mumsnet) anything

You do not need to find out why he fell out with his friends (and report back to mumsnet)

You don't have to engage (and report back to mumsnet) with "The Prof" in any other capacity than random parent of kid who does a sporting activity with yours.

Your connection to them was via your ex-partner and that connection has been severed. Focus your energy and time on your children and yourself, as these are the people who need it.

Agree with this, it’s time to see stop talking about this useless man OP. Who cares if he’s homeless/split up with OW etc etc. after each of your updates hes sounding more and more awful, and you’re lovely. Please move on now, no more analysing his character, the past etc. concentrate on you now, and your lovely children. And do not cave in and talk to him, you will totally regret it if you do, he will drag you down. Enjoy spending time with your mates doing exactly what you want.

Original poster

JadeMember · 11/04/2025 21:07

maggiesleapp · 11/04/2025 20:46

Hope everything went ok today. You’ve got this!

Thank you, it was all ok. We left early and I dropped off his stuff with the neighbour. I did put a note on the door in case my neighbour missed his car arriving. He apparently just collected his stuff and left. Didn’t say much to him. I had a bit of a wobble after we got home. It’s ok when I’m out and about and meeting people but I get lonely when I’m at home. I know it will pass. I don’t feel angry anymore, I just feel sad

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 11/04/2025 21:23

I am glad he just got his stuff and fucked off and didn't try to cause trouble or piss your neighbours around.

Loneliness is tough - give yourself permission for a bit of a wallow but also try to view this as freedom to do the things you want, to put yourself and your kids first rather than having to consider anyone elses needs.

It'll take time, but you've got an outlet for ranting (us lot) and what sounds like a fabulous family and friends... as Del Boy would say, the world is your lobster!!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/04/2025 21:24

Give yourself a maximum of 10 days ( one day you each you you were together ) to feel sad, as that will be 2 months exactly since you began your thread - and look what you have gone through then achieved in that 2 months.

can you do anything ' nice ' over the Easter weekend ? with the children.

Could you afford to think about planning a holiday in the Summer - it would give you all something to plan for / look forward to.

and Dad will be back in May - any chance you could return with him and have a few days there with Dad and Mum ?

LushLemonTart · 11/04/2025 21:25

It's natural to feel sad. Emotions will come and go. Try and distract yourself.

maggiesleapp · 11/04/2025 21:28

JadeMember · 11/04/2025 21:07

Thank you, it was all ok. We left early and I dropped off his stuff with the neighbour. I did put a note on the door in case my neighbour missed his car arriving. He apparently just collected his stuff and left. Didn’t say much to him. I had a bit of a wobble after we got home. It’s ok when I’m out and about and meeting people but I get lonely when I’m at home. I know it will pass. I don’t feel angry anymore, I just feel sad

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Aw been there, its hard especially when second guessing yourself that it was really that bad. This is something you hear about happening to other people not you. I promise it will get better but moments alone can be hard, you have got this thread to look back on and know you have support with everyone rooting for you. Take care