Should I tell my DP that I know he is lying

[JadeMember]

So my DP (46) does a cold lake swimming with a group of women. He is the only man and ladies are in the range of 40-70yrs. He got into the group through the lady he met through my son’s sport. I never met her as I’m at the different sport with my DD. So my DP called me today when I was at work and told me that the group is going to a charity event in the evening and someone pulled out, they need someone to fill the space, and if I would mind if he goes with them. I really don’t care tbh as my DC are with their dad tonight and I’m just happy having a me time. So my DP just send me a photos from the event and it’s not a charity event! It’s a silent disco😂. I googled the location and the name of the event that was on the banners in the photo. I don’t know why he lied. He doesn’t go out a lot and I don’t mind when he does go out. We don’t live in ‘each other’s pockets’ and are independent with our interests so I don’t understand why he lied. I don’t know if I should just leave it because I’m not really that worried or should I actually be worried about it and question it when he gets home?

The real question is: Do you think he's having an affair?
Do you think he fancies the woman who invited him?
You could well be paranoid. . But it all depends on his behaviour at home. Is he acting differently?
I found out an ex was cheating and I thought my peri menopause was making me paranoid and crazy. But my intuition was right. They hide it very well. BUT I'm only speaking from my own experience.
Any sort of lie can break trust.
Also, is the one particular woman he talks about more than the others?

You clearly have lots to learn about menopause.

Yes OP. This could well be your hormones. They can have a huge impact on our emotional world. It’s a bit like adolescence.

I get a lot of social anxiety now that I didn’t before. But did during adolescence.

HRT has helped a lot.

Your DP sounds lovely. As do you. I’m glad you figured it out.

Why is it odd?? Maybe they get on really well.

It is pretty harsh to accuse someone of lying when you don't know the facts yourself.
Ask him if he enjoyed the silent disco, how much was raised and what was the charity.......if he is conservative with his answers then he is lying. Show genuine interest.

Literally none of your business. Honestly, there's always one weirdo.

Hey DP, I don't think you're being paranoid or crazy. Something in your gut niggled you. Trust it and have a deeper chat with your DP xxx

Aww OP, I sympathise. But please don't be too quick to shut down your own instinct/gut feeling, based on what others say.
There may be something in this, there may not.
Were your spidey senses ever tingling before the silent disco thing?

And as for 'well he sent you photos, he must be telling the truth' ... absolutely not!!

Great explanation OP

I've had the same experience. If this bloke is going to social events with this group, clearly he's a welcome member, not someone who has infiltrated.

I did ask him and he didn’t know which charity it was or how much was raised. He did enjoy himself though!

No need to stir up trouble.

I’m glad he had a good time.

You seem like an otherwise quite level headed person and so it is a concern that you acted so irrationally.

Many MNers are known for being overly dramatic and if even they think you were being overly paranoid, then you know you have a problem 😂

Perhaps keep an eye on it and maybe keep a log of your emotions.
If you find it happening again then maybe it’s worth going to the gp to see if it’s PM related.

I don’t think he has an affair and he isn’t any different at home. But yes, he only mentions the woman who invited him to the group.

Agree, you'll be told to LTB before long OP.
Some people seem to hate men more than they love happy marriages.

Anything a man does is wrong in their eyes and they'll split hairs to make you throw him out.

There's never a genuine misunderstanding, just men =wrong.

If you'd come on here as a man, saying the exact same, you'd be called controlling, spying, don't deserve her, she can fo better etc. All over an innocent mistake.

I think you need to dig a bit deeper, sorry to say, but It's strange he doesn't know the name of charity or how much was raised.
What were the pics he sent? Did they show the whole group?
I would also ask to tag along to some of his outings to see how he responds.

There is absolutely no reason why a guest at an event like this would know the amount raised. That's something for the organisers to tot up after the event. I don't think it's a big deal either not knowing the name of the charity/charities benefiting. In the days when DH was part of the local Rotary club, I regularly got taken along to fundraising events for which I only had a hazy idea of which charities were benefiting. I also dragged him along to a quiz a couple of weeks ago run by a charity that I support purely because it is in the same field as the one I work for - I'm sure if I asked him now what is the name of that charity he wouldn't have a clue.

This @JadeMember
If you’re peri age HRT works wonders for many things.

Also as PPs have said, I reckon your DP got silent disco and silent auction confused!
🎧🧑‍⚖️

So update..
I’m out and about this morning and my DP just called me. He said this woman is driving to France tomorrow to see some sport event. It’s just for one day and if I would mind if he tags along with her. I was kind of left a bit speechless but I said that if he wants to go then it’s up to him. She was at the silent disco last night so surely they must have talk about it but he never said anything about this trip last night when he got home or this morning before I left.

@JadeMember cant believe you are so accepting of him going to another country with another woman???? why dont you put a spoke in the wheel and say that you will join them???

Well that’s a bit more concerning I guess. Could be nothing. Could be something.

If you said that you would like to tag along too what would he say?

OP I personally would not be happy and would be planning something for both of you to do as a couple if you can. But I honestly think I would lose it if I was in your situation. Driving to France and back is not just nipping around the corner.

My DH and myself got together after a very long drive where we chatted for hours (we were acquaintances in a larger group at the time). Six hours of chatting made us fall for each other.
I would really have a good think about this. Is there anyway you could go too? Maybe you need a break and fancy a long drive to pick up some nice wine to enjoy with you other half when you both have a romantic meal tomorrow evening…

I can't think of many women who'd be ok with that one OP.

What are you doing tomorrow?

I'm possibly right, going by the most recent update.And you were taken along. OP isn't.