To have been this honest with my husband?

[Wallflowersunite]

Long story short but without drip feeding. My husband has two children with his ex girlfriend. They’ve been split for 6 years, we’ve been together 5, married 2, have a baby and another on the way. After many many court battles (instigated by my husband) to get contact sorted (after his ex repeatedly stopped contact, and which I was witness to rather than just told), his ex made a malicious report to child welfare (which has since been sorted and dismissed by all legal authorities). During the investigation I had to supervise contact between my husband and son which was a real logistical nightmare but we got through it and he’s been acquitted.

The wheels are back in motion for him to reestablish contact with his children and whilst I totally support this, I am scared but that’s another conversation. He asked me tonight if I missed them (haven’t seen them in a few months) and I was brutally honest and said no but I totally understand it must be heart wrenching for him. He got a bit defensive and asked why I didn’t miss them. I again was honest and said I have a baby who is very clingy, I’m heavily pregnant, I’m still working full time and I’m trying to secure a promotion before I go off on mat leave. I apologised and said I probably should think about them more but at the minute I’m just living hour to hour because our lives are very full on.

he’s grand but he seems a bit upset my response. Aibu?

See you can’t enlighten me because there is no right answer for everyone. With all due respect, keep your ‘well wishes’

A good father doesn’t walk away from their children and leave them to their physically and emotionally abusive mother. EVER. And a good woman doesn’t ask him to.

He keeps fighting for them. Even if that means you living apart until it’s resolved or walking away to protect your own children.

He didn’t walk away. Read the fucking posts. Aye I’ll explain to my kids that daddy is living apart from me when I’ve a small baby and a baby on the way. Wise up and enter the real world. I love my husband and I will not be walking away because of the actions of his psycho ex, honestly are you actually reading what you’re saying??

My children are fine. They are protected from this. They’re too young to understand anyway but it’s why hard decisions need to be made so that my children are ok and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they’re ok.

Wise up. He’s my husband. Not my partner and he’s a fantastic man. Don’t patronise me.

I don't think the PP is the one that needs to wise up here 🙈

This is a total shit show (if true) and all the adults involved should be ashamed of themselves.

Husband and I have nothing to be ashamed of thanks

@Sharppencils still not a reason to bring more innocent children into this mess.

He moved on quickly to create family number 2 and is probably hoping you'll take on all the care so he can be father of the year while you do the work.

leave the first family kids where they are, they are better off just with their mum.

concentrate on your own little family unit for the time being until he gets bored of you too.

For the last time. My children are fine and I refuse to not have much wanted and planned children because of a bitter ex.

Read. The. Fucking. Thread.

@Wallflowersunite you sound delusional.

And most people on this thread have just been pure nasty. Thank you to those who haven’t and have given actual advice

Not so fond of brutal honesty all of a sudden?

You’ve expressed an opinion. Not a truth.

They probably will in time, when they’re older and realise what’s been going on. Poor kids. At least they’ve got each other.

You call him having to go to court to see his own kids “all that shite”!

fathers who do not take that step are soundly criticised on mumsnet and deemed to be poor fathers. Interesting that one who does, is also at fault in the eyes of some posters

OP hasn’t asked him to do that? She’s just worried that her husband’s ex will try the same tactic again and accuse her husband or her of abusing the two older children which based on her past experience, might put her own relationship with her own children at risk (she’s imagining them being taken away and only being allowed supervised contact I think).
OP, this is actually a good question to ask your family solicitor.

I’m not even justifying or dignifying any of this. You wished me all the best, I’ll do the same to you.