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AIBU?

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Original poster

Non binary

237 replies

Fullofquestions1 · 21/02/2025 20:53

Watching first dates and someone said they were non binary and asked the bar guy what his pronouns were.
I just don’t understand surely you are male or female whether that be what you were born or not. I just can’t get my head round not feeling youre either. Can anyone please put it in simple terms for me.

OP posts:
Tvp123 · 21/02/2025 22:50

Maybe if society hadn't demanded people conform to certain rules we wouldn't have this issue. If people could look, dress and behave how they wanted to (obviously within reason before someone jumps on me) then maybe a lot of people wouldn't feel they don't belong to the sex they were born. I have read that a lot of people who think they are trans or non binary are autistic and society wasn't built around their needs, so I can see why they feel they don't fit. If someone born with male genitalia wanted to wear pink when I was a kid then they were labelled as gay or trans. Maybe if they'd been allowed to wear pink with no comment then they'd never have questioned their gender. I do believe that gender has been created by society and if we weren't all such judgemental sheep a lot less people would feel uncomfortable as they are.

I still think we would have some trans people though and that's fine, everything is on a spectrum.

Scout2016 · 21/02/2025 22:52

Most people, in my experience, when someone is referred to as non binary say "non binary man or a non binary woman?". Not in their presence of course, because that's unnecessary.

Lauren1983 · 21/02/2025 22:55

I have a friend who is non binary. The friend is very trans positive and subscribes to people having an inner gender. If you believe in this but don't have an inner gender feeling either way yourself then you are non binary.

Original poster
Fullofquestions1 · 21/02/2025 22:56

what about on passports though where you need to put a gender. Is non binary now an option?

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 21/02/2025 23:01

This obsession with labels and making everything so complicated! Things were so much simpler in the 70s when people just asked if you wanted a shag.

To think that people went through the revolution in the 60s, for this?!

user2848502016 · 21/02/2025 23:01

Gosh
Today I've been doing my STEM job wearing a hoodie and trousers, no makeup and my hair tied back.
Even though I was born a woman, always thought I was female and have given birth to two children- maybe I'm actually non binary?! 🤔

KatyaKat · 21/02/2025 23:04

myplace · 21/02/2025 21:25

I was referring to how people present. Every woman I know presents gender fluid or non binary- none wear exclusively masculine or feminine clothes, all wear combinations of trousers, skirts, suits, shorts, dresses… make up and jewellery never, sometimes or usually.

I don’t even recall anyone whose hair has been always short or long.

So sex, male or female. Presentation, generally fluid or non binary for women.

And the youngsters’ obsession just makes them look regressive.

What an utterly ridiculous thing to write. Wearing trousers instead of skirts does not make a female NB or gender fluid.

Assuming you're trying to be antagonistic, well done 👏🏻

LoserWinner · 21/02/2025 23:06

It’s not a big deal. There are very few things in life that require specific genitalia, and I have no interest in who people are sexually attracted to. I can’t for the life of me understand why people are so obsessed with other people’s private lives.

monsterfish · 21/02/2025 23:07

Fullofquestions1 · 21/02/2025 22:56

what about on passports though where you need to put a gender. Is non binary now an option?

Nope - passports are just interested in what sex you see - male or female. Or if they find your dead naked body somewhere they can say male or female. But like toilets which are designed to the different anatomy (bodies).

gender is all about appearances and behaviour. But some do struggle to understand that bodies and social constructs are two completely different things (binary even 🙂)

Moier · 21/02/2025 23:23

My daughter has a friend who was born intersex.. he/she hasn't quite decided if they want to be female or male.. been having counselling years. Parents brought them up as a boy .. they have a large clitoris that looks like a small penis but no vaginal opening.. they have a uterus but no breasts .. just nipples.. can produce sperm but also get pregnant via IVF.....didn't want any medical intervention.
They have both have both ovarian and testicular tissue.
They are non binary.

Alucard55 · 21/02/2025 23:25

Didimum · 21/02/2025 20:57

You’re not required to know what it feels like.

Are we also not required to play along?

suggestionsplease1 · 21/02/2025 23:28

Alucard55 · 21/02/2025 23:25

Are we also not required to play along?

Show quote history

This sounds suspiciously like that old refrain 'I don't mind people being gay I just wish they stopped going on about it and didn't rub our faces in it'.

Meecrowahvey · 21/02/2025 23:30

Moier · 21/02/2025 23:23

My daughter has a friend who was born intersex.. he/she hasn't quite decided if they want to be female or male.. been having counselling years. Parents brought them up as a boy .. they have a large clitoris that looks like a small penis but no vaginal opening.. they have a uterus but no breasts .. just nipples.. can produce sperm but also get pregnant via IVF.....didn't want any medical intervention.
They have both have both ovarian and testicular tissue.
They are non binary.

They'll know if they're male or female from testing that is done when babies with disorders of sexual development are born.

Alucard55 · 21/02/2025 23:33

suggestionsplease1 · 21/02/2025 23:28

This sounds suspiciously like that old refrain 'I don't mind people being gay I just wish they stopped going on about it and didn't rub our faces in it'.

Show quote history

It doesn't but I can't be arsed getting in to it.

suggestionsplease1 · 21/02/2025 23:33

Alucard55 · 21/02/2025 23:33

It doesn't but I can't be arsed getting in to it.

Show quote history

Mmhmmm, right.

Tarquinthecat · 21/02/2025 23:39

Fullofquestions1 · 21/02/2025 21:51

@Funykeudfh what’s difference between gender fluid and non binary?

Some people started calling themselves "gender fluid" to sound MORE special than someone "non-binary".

Didimum · 21/02/2025 23:41

Alucard55 · 21/02/2025 23:25

Are we also not required to play along?

Show quote history

What’s playing along got to do with anything? She’s watching someone on TV.

Didimum · 21/02/2025 23:42

suggestionsplease1 · 21/02/2025 23:28

This sounds suspiciously like that old refrain 'I don't mind people being gay I just wish they stopped going on about it and didn't rub our faces in it'.

Show quote history

Yup.

Whammyyammy · 21/02/2025 23:47

Attention seeking or MH issues.

TunipTheVegimal24 · 21/02/2025 23:48

This is the wrong forum to ask.

OverpricedCupcake · 21/02/2025 23:52

Moier · 21/02/2025 23:23

My daughter has a friend who was born intersex.. he/she hasn't quite decided if they want to be female or male.. been having counselling years. Parents brought them up as a boy .. they have a large clitoris that looks like a small penis but no vaginal opening.. they have a uterus but no breasts .. just nipples.. can produce sperm but also get pregnant via IVF.....didn't want any medical intervention.
They have both have both ovarian and testicular tissue.
They are non binary.

So they could gestate a baby they are the father of?

user2848502016 · 21/02/2025 23:55

TunipTheVegimal24 · 21/02/2025 23:48

This is the wrong forum to ask.

Why?

MiserableMrsMopp · 21/02/2025 23:55

Fullofquestions1 · 21/02/2025 21:01

but am entitled to ask a question

Show quote history

And it's a good question @Fullofquestions1 . I think it can be not feeling feminine or womanly enough in a female body, but equally not feeling totally masculine or manly either (and the reverse in a male body). The two being blended to some degree, regardless of your chromosomes or genitalia. Different levels of mix for different people.

user2848502016 · 22/02/2025 00:00

LoserWinner · 21/02/2025 23:06

It’s not a big deal. There are very few things in life that require specific genitalia, and I have no interest in who people are sexually attracted to. I can’t for the life of me understand why people are so obsessed with other people’s private lives.

I don't think most people are. It does seem like it's the "non-binary" or "trans" people who mostly want to tell people about their private lives though, and want everyone else to indulge them and use "preferred pronouns" and other such nonsense. I think people are getting sick of being told what they MUST say, do and think and if they dare disagree or want to discuss anything they get shouted down and accused of being transphobic

suggestionsplease1 · 22/02/2025 00:06

user2848502016 · 22/02/2025 00:00

I don't think most people are. It does seem like it's the "non-binary" or "trans" people who mostly want to tell people about their private lives though, and want everyone else to indulge them and use "preferred pronouns" and other such nonsense. I think people are getting sick of being told what they MUST say, do and think and if they dare disagree or want to discuss anything they get shouted down and accused of being transphobic

Show quote history

It doesn't appear that you have met many trans or non-binary people in real life as it appears you have been hoodwinked by a right-wing trope doing the rounds.

Most trans and non-binary people just want to get on quietly living their lives and are presently very fearful of the culture of intolerance and hostility towards them that is being cultivated.