Non binary

[Fullofquestions1]

Watching first dates and someone said they were non binary and asked the bar guy what his pronouns were.
I just don’t understand surely you are male or female whether that be what you were born or not. I just can’t get my head round not feeling youre either. Can anyone please put it in simple terms for me.

Scolding 😂
Quite funny really the "side" that huff and accuse people who are trans /non binary of suffering from "hurty feelz" feel all scolded and told off if they encounter a disagreement or alternate views to their own 😁

This.

I'm not in any box. I'm a woman and just because I don't fitting the prescribed box doesn't make me any less a woman.

I don't declare pronouns. I don't ever use cis, it's BS.

You cannot change your biological sex. Trans women are not women they are men who identify as women. Trans men are not men they are women who identify as men. Therefore men cannot get pregnant, women who feel they want to identify as men can and then show the world that they are women and not men.

I'm a woman and just because I don't fitting the prescribed box doesn't make me any less a woman
Nobody has said you are less of a woman though.

Yes.

my hair has been a mix of purple, blue and turquoise for last 4or 5 years lol

It looks better than mousey brown and if it helps keep people away BONUS!!

No. Marriage, like other contracts, is an agreement by both sides to do certain things.

A GRC is a legal document of a totally different kind. The government agrees with the trans person to claim that the trans person has changed gender. ‘Gender’ is a conveniently flexible word and concept that can be manipulated to mean different things. With a GRC, people use it to pretend they have changed sex.

No one else is party to that contract. I haven’t agreed to pretend I think anyone has changed sex.

I am able to read

do you all followed by An Opinion.

And scolding is an action

Feel all scolded

Is assuming there was an emotional reaction to the first general sweeping you all or the next sweeping you but not you opinion.

I haven't agreed to believe two men getting married being okay.

Also, two people can't be married just because they said so, it is the government/church that sanctions it. Marriage is a contract of the couple with the rest of society.

unfortunately the idea that we must pretend has saturated pullulate through out society which results in individuals concluding they have some kind of right to police how others speak.

Gosh, apparently my single sentence is ageist and thoroughly unacceptable; how very dare I structure my sentence in that way.

I had assumed that posters would realise I was not referring to all the 40 year olds and over in the world and again then not be referring to all the under 40 year olds in the world having opposite opinions. Sorry if this was confusing for anyone.

When I first heard the term non-binary, I sought out lots of first person accounts by people who described themselves as NB, to try to understand this

Basically, they were all rejecting the stereotype ( or some of stereotypes) they saw associated with their sex. That was it.

In my view, if you need to reject your sex to reject stereotypes, you are actually reinforcing stereotypes.

Aw, come on! Many of us ask other people to refer to us using our preferred terms - Ms vs miss, for example, or a shortened version of our given name. When I have my professional hat on, I expect to be addressed as ‘Dr LoserWinner’, and I quite like my grandchildren to call me ‘Granny’.

@LoserWinner

But all of these examples refer to things you actually, objectively are. If you were not a doctor, people at your work may be less happy if you expected them to call you doctor. I imagine they would be less happy still, if you expected them to refer to you as Granny, when you are not their Granny.

A better analogy would be if a Christian co -worker wanted you to refer to her as ‘saved Hannah’ from now on. It’s her belief system that she is saved, but most people would regard it as going too far to ask the rest of you to refer to her in terms that reflect her personal beliefs. Still worse, if she asked that you refer to yourselves as ‘unsaved Elspeth’ which is similar to what is being asked if anyone expects the rest of us to be called ‘Cis’

Oddly enough, I don’t sweat the small stuff. If people want to call me ‘Granny’ or ‘unsaved Elspeth’, that’s not a big deal, even if I think it’s daft.

What bugs me about this whole thing is that people are totally hung up on their own definitions of what is or is not ‘fact’, and then are as demanding and dogmatic about these things as those they are loudly objecting to. Get a life, people! Humour the weird and be kind to the oddballs.

If i am addressed by, say, the doctor's receptionist as "miss" and i say "actually it's Mrs" and they persist with Miss to ... who knows, annoy me? then i will be annoyed and probably address them by a slightly different version of their name to annoy them back. Because i am petty.

I have been addressed in letters and emall as "mr Brefugee" countless times because i a) work in a hugely male dominated industry and b) always sign off with initial + surname so that they don't ignore me (happens a lot) because I'm a woman. Misgendering me doesn't bother me, but if they have met me, done the usual "oh, i thought you were a man" (or version thereof) and persist in addressing me as "mr" i assume they do it for some petty reason of their own. I adjust my response times to their requests where it doesn't impact anyone else. etc etc.

And - sign - yes i KNOW whoever it was didn't mean "all over 40s" but the casual ageism on this site is fucking tedious and i will mention it whenever i feel like it, thanks.

But you aren't thinking through the consequences of 'humouring the weird'.

By prioritising 'gender' over sex, you make it harder for women to assert their sex based rights.

If you insist on calling a man 'she' you make is harder to say that 'she' shouldn't be in women's changing rooms, rape counselling sessions and prisons. And when we get to the point where women have to tolerate men inthose spaces - that's big stuff, but small stuff.

Facts matter, reality matters, language is fundamental

Even if by humouring the weird and being kind to the oddballs we are complicit in the erosion of language and nuanced debate? There is a need for discussion of new terms that become mainstream. What do they mean, how do they fit in to existing language, do they replace another word or do they fit between words?

Non-binary is a term that defines what a person doesn't identify as rather than what they do. If I describe my pets as 'non-equine' you would have follow up questions due to the nature of my statement.

Always worth posting this for the uninitiated

fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

my tactic is always to be polite, act reasonably and not use wrong sex pronouns. If i have to repeat their name 6 times and it sounds stupid to everyone, they can feel free to think why that might be.

I can't misgender as there are massive fines where i live for doing that. unless the probably incoming right-wing government repeal SelfID

Oh, I am thinking through, more than you might imagine. I don’t insist on calling anyone anything, btw.

‘Sex-based rights’, ‘women have to tolerate men in those spaces’ - yes, indeed, so what? Make anything a battleground and it gets bloody.

Well if men are insisting on entering women's spaces on the grounds of their 'gender identity' - isn't that men making it a battle ground? Don't women have the right to defend their spaces? Their boundaries?

Or do you support men in women's prisons, rape crisis centres, domestic violence refuges, lesbian dating spaces, sports?

A scottish A&E doctor stated in open court that he would expect you (be you male or female) to submit to him carrying out a medical exam when you made it clear that you wanted and only gave permission to a female doctor.

He expected that all of the medical team involved in your care would pretend that he was female and so had your permission to carry put the exam.

His A&E supervisor basicly agreed as she was willing to sack a nurse who refused to comply and see him as a woman.

If it was "the weird and oddballs" most people would not care. But its gotten to the stage where people need to go to court to get a legal ruling on if they and others have to participate /support the ideology that man is a woman or a woman is a man

and stuff like this would prevent me from getting medical care as i would walk out if i saw a male dressing as a female

I want a female dr due to my past, not a male dressing as a female

My right to healthcare should trump his right to advertise who he is between the sheets

Does it matter if you don’t understand what it feels like?

The non-binary person understands and that’s all that matters.

Well it wouldn't matter at all if we weren't being asked to change our speech. But as we're being asked for special pronouns, I think we're entitled to a smidge more explanation than 'it's my feeling'.

Very few people conform completely to gender roles or sex-based stereotypes.