To feel so embarrassed after trip to dentist

[Mummabear04]

I went to the dentist today for a check up. My gums have been sensitive and I was a bit worried that I had a chip on my front tooth as it felt a bit sensitive at times and I could feel a difference in texture so wanted to get it checked out. My teeth have always been alright, I had some fillings as a kid but I do look after them and brush them twice a day, every day (at least!) I do drink a lot of black coffee and red wine so my teeth aren't pearly white but I never drink fizzy juice and I don't eat much sugar either (I have a pretty good diet on the whole).

Long story short is that the dentist seemed shocked about the state of my teeth. She even asked me if I brush them!!! I am still so embarrassed about it. She said I must be struggling to brush my back teeth, the sruface of my teeth seem corroded? and that I need four bloody fillings! I am so upset by this. I have 2 kids (under 5 years) and was not able to go to the dentist during post partum due to covid and then I had a difficult birth/recovery/looking after a baby and toddler so didn't go for post partum check ups as my teeth have always been OK. I have also developed asthma in the past 2 years and I swear my teeth feel weaker since using my inhalers (is this even a thing?)

Anyway the dentist was a gorgeous, blonde, slim European woman and I felt like an ogre after the appointment. I came home and burst into tears and cried for about half an hour straight. She did say to get an electric toothbrush (I've just ordered) and I've got some well woman max vitamins in the hope they will somehow help my oral health. AIBU to feel shocked that my teeth are in such bad condition? I feel awful about myself.

Electric toothbrushes are a game changer - essential. I also use interdental brushes every night before brushing.

I had several problems with my teeth after having dc, the lovely hygienist at my dental clinic told me this is not uncommon as hormones can have an effect on gum and tooth health. I have used an electric toothbrush since then and dp bought me a water flosser for Christmas because I'm rubbish at flossing. Don't feel bad, I am sure she has seen much worse!

Never mind about the past you can't change that.

Focus on the now. Great oral hygiene, twice yearly visits and keep on top of everything.

Doesn't sound like she handled it well at all. That’s her failing. Dentists need to have sensitivity with their clients. Find another dentist if you can, and don’t feel bad.

Electric toothbrushes are amazing so it’s great you’re getting one.

You are advised to rinse your mouth after using an inhaler.

Ah, I’ve been there. Sympathies.
Dentists in my experience do have a way of telling people off and making you feel shit. With their pearly white smiles. grrr.

All you can do is get the fillings done, buy the electric toothbrush, and put it behind you.

There are much more important things that endear you to your family and friends than your teeth. Come to think about it, I couldn’t tell you what any of my friends’ teeth are like. I don’t really notice them. Teeth are to chew things and once they’re pain free and healthy again, that’s all that matters. Teeth that look good are nice, but not all that important or helpful. The dentist had great teeth and it didn’t make you warm to her any the more, did it?!
Yours will be filled and healthy again soon. Cheer up.

Your dentist clearly has a ‘bedside manner’ that doesn’t work for you!

I’d get the fillings done, if you can afford it get a good clean from the hygienist, then if there are options in your area seek a different dentist!

I have dodgy teeth, mainly for lifestyle reasons, and have been upset by some dentists / hygienists, now have a lovely practice (NHS dentist & pay for the hygienist) and am honest with them & they give me advice but in a kind way.

Please don't feel awful. As you say, your life has been upside down for a few years, and you're certainly not the only person who's found it difficult to access a dentist, it's a national problem.

I grew up in the 70s and have teeth to match 😂with more filling than tooth in my mouth! Red wine is my downfall, too, but your electric brush and a whitening toothpaste will take the edge off.

The main thing is that you are now keeping on top of them, regular appointments are so important - and are doing this for your kids too.

Has it been five years and two pregnancies since your last check up?

If so, maybe it’s just incremental build up- things that would have been addressed before if you’d been able to get there.

I agree with recommendation for electric toothbrush, just go gently in your gums. I also use interdental brushes as my teeth are too close together to floss from the top. My dentist (NHS) also prescribed a 6 month course of high fluoride toothpaste (Duraphat 5000) to help strengthen my teeth. Maybe ask about this.
Positives - you have got a dentist so can get the treatment you need. Maybe think about an appointment with a hygienist after that. And be kind to yourself.

My teeth were great until I had dc. They’ve been in various phases of disrepair ever since!

Well I think you should be grateful that she told you even if it was a bit brusque by nice UK middle class standards. Get your electric toothbrush etc and get your treatment and press on.

This happened to me OP, about 40 years ago. It has led to a lifetime of hating seeing the dentist, shame and embarrassment. I loathe showing my teeth to the dentist (there's nothing particularly wrong with them) and never smile on photos.

Please don't let this happen to you.

Asthma inhalers (particularly preventers) can affect tooth decay etc and you should always brush after using - we were told this when DS was diagnosed two years ago.

If you can afford it see a hygienist at least one a year, use the electric toothbrush and floss. I’ve heard a manual vs electric toothbrush being described as the difference between using a brush and pan vs a vacuum cleaner - it makes a big difference.

It also doesn’t sound like the dentist had much of a bedside manner either, so go elsewhere if you prefer.

You poor thing. Pregnancy does affect your teeth.
I had a hygienist appointment and it was similar. She asked me how I cleaned my teeth. I went to put my (clean) finger in my mouth. But she shouted at me and made me put alcohol gel on my hands. Then just basically told me everything was doing was wrong. I felt so upset afterwards. All for the £88 bargain 🤬.
Luckily when I had my next appointment it was a different lady who was lovely and could tell I'd done what I'd been asked (interdental brushes)

I have refused to see one particular hygienist since she was so rude about my teeth.

Menopause and three years of bed rest post covid my teeth were the least of my worries.

I was desperately worried I wouldn't be strong enough to walk from the car park and she had the audacity to try to lecture me at length.

The crazy thing is I was actually looking after my teeth as well as usual, I had some cosmetic work carried out pre covid and could not get on top of gum health then so hormones were likely the biggest issue.

Ok, you yourself noticed a difference in texture in your teeth. But at least you went to a dentist, got the information you needed to get them sorted. 4 fillings is quite a lot so they probably weren't in great condition. Electric toothbrushes are a game changer, I was also told use mouth wash before brushing otherwise it removes the fluoride. Also be careful when you brush your teeth - ideally before breakfast, coffee etc which make your teeth acidic etc.

Maybe she manner could have been a bit more sensitive but it sounds like it has also given you the wake up call you needed.

OP I'm sorry, it's horrible to have a bad experience at the dentist and I think we all feel upset as though they're judging us but they really aren't, and I'm sure they see way worse teeth that yours! Please don't feel awful about yourself.

Most people aren't actually taught proper dental hygiene. I always thought I had alright teeth and brushed twice a day (manual) and it was an eye opener to learn as a young adult it isn't really enough and we need to be flossing, mouthwash and ideally electric toothbrush for 2 mins at least (don't think I'd ever actually done a full 2 mins with my manual 🫣) . If you can afford hygienist every 6 months even better but even just those first 3 things consistently will do wonders.

This happened to me. I changed Dentist as I wasn't happy with the one I was with. New Dentist did some x-rays then dropped the bombshell.. I had loads of decay, needed an extraction, fillings, root filling, crown, and a bridge I've had for years has decay under it. Hands up, it was down to poor oral hygeine on my part. Well, I learnt my lesson the hard way. I've had quite a lot of the treatment done, have switched to an electric toothbrush, have regular hygienist visits and use interdental brushes. I was mortified too.

There is an embarrassment, isn't there? And you feel 'dirty' somehow.

Oh well, we live and learn.. sometimes, like in OP case, it's not your 'fault.'

Honestly it’s no big deal - she’s told you how to rectify it and a treatment plan is in place.
Dental hygiene as improved so much over the years and it’s more focused and indeed somehow more strict.
Its a bit like having an expensive MOT test - no matter how the mechanic says it the issues are the same.
so,maybe this is the time to invest in yourself a little more and look after yourself ‘extra’ once the works done you will feel much better and your teeth will have greater longevity - I myself after religiously going to the dentist at least twice a year was recently seen by a new dentist (my
old one retired) and on the first visit she found underneath a very old filling the first stages of decay so, I had to have the old filling removed,work done and a new filling!!.
And even though the dentist looked lovely she too will have her own issues if not dentally maybe she’s got varicose veins or finger toes or something !! We are not built to be perfect !!

And I always feel that a dentist is the equivalent of your mum checking under the bed to see if you have cleaned your room properly 😂😂

Bit unkind of her when she must know that having a baby messes with your teeth! Don’t be embarrassed, it’s done now and you’re getting it sorted. It’s like any medical condition, better to have gone now than putting it off till later.

Before you jump into committing to loads of work being done, just remember that these are business people trying to earn as much revenue as possible.

I wanted to come on here to say please find an alternative dentists.
my teeth were horrendous, gaps from past NHS removals, sensitive, gums receding. Stained and crooked.
However, I went private and £10k later have the most perfect smile which has taken 2.5yrs to achieve.
My new dentists was the most kindest one you could possibly meet. sensitive to how I felt and did not once make me feel bad for how awful my teeth were.
a combination of which was a result of having 4 children very quickly and eroding enamel and not going to a dentist in my 20.yrs. Now paying for it now though:
So please don’t settle for how this dentist made you feel. It’s hard enough to get the courage to walk through those doors.

I am never convinced by the dentist argument that it’s all about our teeth care. I didn’t see a dentist for nearly twenty years, have an ordinary toothbrush and brush twice a day. I drink tons of fizzy drinks, eat sweets and snack throughout the day. My teeth and gums are perfect but I don’t think they deserve to be!