To feel so embarrassed after trip to dentist

[Mummabear04]

I went to the dentist today for a check up. My gums have been sensitive and I was a bit worried that I had a chip on my front tooth as it felt a bit sensitive at times and I could feel a difference in texture so wanted to get it checked out. My teeth have always been alright, I had some fillings as a kid but I do look after them and brush them twice a day, every day (at least!) I do drink a lot of black coffee and red wine so my teeth aren't pearly white but I never drink fizzy juice and I don't eat much sugar either (I have a pretty good diet on the whole).

Long story short is that the dentist seemed shocked about the state of my teeth. She even asked me if I brush them!!! I am still so embarrassed about it. She said I must be struggling to brush my back teeth, the sruface of my teeth seem corroded? and that I need four bloody fillings! I am so upset by this. I have 2 kids (under 5 years) and was not able to go to the dentist during post partum due to covid and then I had a difficult birth/recovery/looking after a baby and toddler so didn't go for post partum check ups as my teeth have always been OK. I have also developed asthma in the past 2 years and I swear my teeth feel weaker since using my inhalers (is this even a thing?)

Anyway the dentist was a gorgeous, blonde, slim European woman and I felt like an ogre after the appointment. I came home and burst into tears and cried for about half an hour straight. She did say to get an electric toothbrush (I've just ordered) and I've got some well woman max vitamins in the hope they will somehow help my oral health. AIBU to feel shocked that my teeth are in such bad condition? I feel awful about myself.

Ooh how is the water flosser working out for you? I'm rubbish at flossing too but I'm so prone to gum disease that I have had to get my teeth cleaned every four months for the past two years. At my last visit the dentist said my gums look stable and every six months is ok now, but I would still like to floss every night. I just find it so awkward.

Mummabear, it sounds similar to my experience, and your diet and lifestyle to mine. The dentist was very pious towards me and I felt demeaned. I couldn't help saying that "actually, my teeth aren't the only thing I have to look after in my life" (my son and husband are both severely disabled) "so if I like a red wine when I've got through another day, or a coffee when I've got 5 minutes to myself, I'm blooming well going to have one". All they see is a pair of teeth sitting in the chair, not the whole person.

This is the same with my dad who is 80.
He always says 'I've never had a single filling', and when you ask ' why what's your secret?', he says 'never been to a dentist'. 😆

He hasn't lost any teeth, never had toothache, all gums healthy, drink red wine and ate a lot of crisps for 50 years (not now due to cholesterol).

I've been going to the dentist 3 or 4 times a year for 40 years and my teeth are in constant need of 'deep cleaning', always hurting and aching, at least 10 fillings or so. Lost one tooth. 🙄

I highly recommend the Braun Oral B io range. They are pricey but then so is dental work! You can often get a deal on them. My dentist even gave me loads of free replacement brush heads as they send them to her and very few patients have them.

I upgraded from the regular Braun oral b type and my teeth feel so much better for it. I also make sure I use an interdental brush every night.

Another tooth product I always want to shout about is Nowa toothpaste tablets. Have been using them for about 18 months now and my teeth are no longer sensitive. They are also great for the DC because no more horrible crusty bits around the mouth tube 😂

A few things I’ve been told by dentists for good teeth (apart from the whole floss/interdental brush and brush twice a day).

Don't brush after having anything acidic as the acid weakens the enamel then you scrub at it. Hence it’s better to brush before breakfast rather than afterwards, especially if you have juice or coffee.

After you brush your teeth just spit and don’t rinse, as the water will wash away the beneficial fluoride. No need for a mouthwash after brushing but they can be useful after meals if you want.

After a meal have a good drink of plain water to wash away the food.

Make sure you brush your gums as well as your teeth. My dentist said roughly 2/3 of the brush on your teeth and 1/3 on the gum. I also like to go round my gums separately after the two minutes brush time is up. Many electric toothbrushes have pressure sensors so you can tell if you’re brushing too hard as that won’t be good for you either.

For most people electric toothbrushes are better. With the oscillating style (Oral B type) you don’t scrub back and forth, just move it slowly along the teeth so it can cup the tooth and the brush does the work for you. Most electric brushes will even time 30 seconds per quadrant of your mouth. Manual brushes require more technique.

Always use a fluoride toothpaste. Fluoride helps to remineralise the teeth and plenty of areas of the country don’t have it in the water.

It’s great, I really do recommend getting one. I work in a dental practice and the dentists I work with all recommend them for people like me who aren't great at flossing.

I think it might be worth getting a second opinion.

DD had a dentist appointment with a new dentist at our old practice. She was incredibly rude to me that my DD clearly doesn't brush their teeth and needed several fillings.

Went to see a second dentist at a different practice, was told actually DD had great teeth and no fillings needed. Told him what the other one said and he said, "oh yes, that practice, I hear this a lot, no, need at all."

They have now had 5 years go by and still don't need any fillings.

I read the other day that the depo injection can also weaken the jaw causing teeth to move and become loose! I’ve been on the depo for years and have a predisposition for bad gums and teeth (DF had no teeth by the time he was 40 due to a hereditary condition) which scares me

I had a run in with our previous NHS male dentist, not sure if he was Polish. He was extremely harsh to our DD, she was around 12. The way he spoke to her, made her cry. He ranted on about not eating sweets/cakes in bed after brushing her teeth, not drinking fizzy drinks in bed, not eating sweets at school, I was sat there thinking-WTF! I don't think so mate, I went back to have a word with him whilst our DS sat with his sister.
If any of that was true then I would do something about it, but to me it was all very lazy assumptions. We changed dentists.
There is a condition called Enamel hypomineralisation, apparently it can be genetic, my DH reminded me that his DM has false teeth, so I blame her …..

Also, pregnancy sucks all the nutrients out of your body, so it’s unsurprising that your teeth would have problems after you’ve had 2 babies in 5 years.

I cannot imagine that your dentist couldn’t have found a more polite way to talk to you about dental health.

Nutrients are not sucked out of teeth. Once they are formed in late pregnancy to early childhood calcium etc cannot be removed from them by the body .

Pregnancy damage to teeth is either from vomiting, acid reflux , or grazing/sipping on sugary/starchy foods .

Look you're dealing with it that's the main thing. Props to you for holding it down with 2 young children - you will get this sorted.
I've heard lots of dentists are cold with their delivery don't take it to heart.
Good luck

Sorry you were shamed by your dentist.

I would say it’s mostly accumulation over the years you didn’t access the dentist. Hygienist is important every 6 months as well, they can also help remove staining from the wine and coffee.

The wine obviously is corrosive, but any snacks with also increase plaque, even if not sugar. Could you be grinding your teeth as well from stress? Might be worth asking if they think that, they can make a mouthguard for you to wear at night.

I don’t agree electric toothbrushes are essential - after using the electric one for years, I switched back to manual and had the opposite of your experience. Told how amazingly well I’ve been cleaning my teeth and what great condition they are in, so seem to be doing a better job without electric?!

How rude and unhelpful. Why do you think OP is "looking for excuses??? And why do you think "Brush your teeth, avoid fizzy drinks and sugar" is in any way helpful given that OP clearly states she doesn't drink fizzy drinks and brushes teeth regularly?

Yes, lifestyle matters. A lot. But as others have commented, some people can have quite poor diets and poor oral hygiene, and still have good teeth (I think most of us know at least one person who eats lots of sugary foods and still has good teeth). Some people have good diets and good oral hygiene and problem teeth.

Thats because there are many factors that impact dental health.

Genetics.

Childhood diet.

Tooth and enamel strength (because not everyone has strong teeth -this isn't an 'excuse", it's objective biological truth);

hormones (pregnancy, menopause),

other health conditions (sjorgens, osteoporosis, dry mouth etc)

medications (eg asthma inhalers, which the OP uses,. Also antidepressants, antipsychotics, chemo/radiotherapy, epilepsy medications, etc.Clearly from your comment you've never experienced medication induced dry mouth. Hope you never do, because it's really grim, and it seriously effects your teeth).

Composition of saliva (impacts remineralisation),

immune response (some people can have quite a lot of plaque on teeth and have only minimal inflammatory reaction of gums, others can have more pronounced inflammation with very little plaque).

Lots of factors. Yes, diet and brushing are important - but it really isn't as simple as that

And there lots of reasons why someone might not get to dentists regularly. Anxiety, depression, sensory issues etc. no idea of that's true for the OP but there's a fair chance it's true of at least some people on here.

Making overly simplistic, unhelpful and judgemental comments (like "stop looking for excuses and brush your teeth") adds to shame and anxiety that people with dental issues feel, and makes it more difficult to get to the dentist.

Honestly. Engage your brain before you comment!

Change your dentist. You don't need to be treated like a child. I did when I got sick of all the tuts and comments. It's like they expect you to have perfect teeth. Where would they be then!

Do get a second opinion if this isn't your usual dentist.
I saw a new dentist three years ago, she criticised the state of my teeth, (they're not white, not absolutely even) the work she said was needed totalled nearly £6,000. I mulled it over, quite upset, went to another dentist, he did one filling and repaired two small chips, it was about £300. I have, however, used an electric toothbrush for years.
But get a second opinion.