To feel so embarrassed after trip to dentist

[Mummabear04]

I went to the dentist today for a check up. My gums have been sensitive and I was a bit worried that I had a chip on my front tooth as it felt a bit sensitive at times and I could feel a difference in texture so wanted to get it checked out. My teeth have always been alright, I had some fillings as a kid but I do look after them and brush them twice a day, every day (at least!) I do drink a lot of black coffee and red wine so my teeth aren't pearly white but I never drink fizzy juice and I don't eat much sugar either (I have a pretty good diet on the whole).

Long story short is that the dentist seemed shocked about the state of my teeth. She even asked me if I brush them!!! I am still so embarrassed about it. She said I must be struggling to brush my back teeth, the sruface of my teeth seem corroded? and that I need four bloody fillings! I am so upset by this. I have 2 kids (under 5 years) and was not able to go to the dentist during post partum due to covid and then I had a difficult birth/recovery/looking after a baby and toddler so didn't go for post partum check ups as my teeth have always been OK. I have also developed asthma in the past 2 years and I swear my teeth feel weaker since using my inhalers (is this even a thing?)

Anyway the dentist was a gorgeous, blonde, slim European woman and I felt like an ogre after the appointment. I came home and burst into tears and cried for about half an hour straight. She did say to get an electric toothbrush (I've just ordered) and I've got some well woman max vitamins in the hope they will somehow help my oral health. AIBU to feel shocked that my teeth are in such bad condition? I feel awful about myself.

I haven't been to the dentist since 2004 when I lost crown just before getting married.
I use the smokers toothpaste once a week, although it's not called smokers toothpaste anymore (Eucryl) but it does a great job of getting rid of coffee and red wine stains. It really is great if you want whiter teeth.
My mum was advised to use an electric toothbrush when her gums started receeding
And it worked. Her gums built back up again to where they should have been.

That's exactly how I feel about it too

@Mummabear04 well done for actually getting there now. You've got pointers on where to start, try and keep it up and ensure you have the regular check ups. Take dc with you if you're able to as well so they see that the dentist is nothing to be frightened of.

Oral health has such a massive impact on overall health it's really important to keep on top of it.

If you haven’t been to the dentist for over five years and are still using a non electric toothbrush, then I would expect to need some work doing.

If you haven't been for a few years you are pretty sure to have a build up of plaque (that can be very difficult to remove by brushing) and need some work, these days Dentists are very hot on oral health and do come across as rather accusatory if your teeth are not in perfect condition. Can you get a hygienist appointment to give your teeth a good clean to start with and then with the electric toothbrush you can keep on top of it.

Can anyone recommend an electric toothbrush? I should use one but always get overwhelmed at the choice so end up putting it off. Is there much difference in them?

Yes, I must say this did occur to me when I read the OP. Of course the dentist isn’t necessarily laying it on thick, but it’s certainly a possibility. I know NHS dentists are hard to find, OP, but if you stand to pay out a lot to have this work done it may well be worth your while getting a second opinion before committing to anything. At the very least I would want to try to find a dentist with better interpersonal skills.

I was told a toothbrush with a round head to get in around your teeth, one that warns you if you brush too hard, and that beeps at you every 30 seconds, so you are prompted to brush 30 seconds per quadrant (top and bottom, left and right sides). And also use the dental brushes you can push between your teeth at gum level.

Edit: Should have quoted!

Pregnancy can really do a number on your teeth, and I’m sure when DS had inhalers we were told to do it before teeth brushing as it can affect, so need to brush afterwards!
Don’t feel too bad. Get your fillings, get a good clean at the hygienist and start anew.

I think that the way she spoke to you was completely unnecessary, the same information could have been delivered much more sensitively and you would have gone away inspired to work on your teeth.

All my teeth were filled as soon as they came through - that was the thing then, with my dentist at the time. When I was pregnant, every tooth in my head was loose. So I haven’t had much luck either.

I agree about interdental brushes EVERY SINGLE TIME you brush your teeth - no skipping that stage. Your gums will probably bleed a lot to begin with, but keep going, that will improve. Definitely use an electric toothbrush but take note of the instructions - you use it in a completely different way. Instead of brushing up and down with it, you hold the brush still against each tooth and let the brush do the work for you.

I also use inhalers, and while I have never heard of them impacting on teeth, you absolutely have to rinse after using them or you may get oral thrush.

I bet that by your next check up, if you have done all this, she will see a big difference. And book a hygienist appointment - that may even be a good thing to start with.

This happened to me many years ago, I previously had no issues with my teeth, one filling from childhood, then pregnancy accompanied with sickness everyday and anemia. When I finally made it to the dentist, teeth had apparently taken a battering, dentist made me feel so terrible to the point I didn’t go back, like you I just cried and so embarrassed plus having just had a baby I wasn’t feeling amazing about myself anyway. dentist has a job to educate etc but surely support and not a lecture is more helpful and I do wonder where was the advice and support during pregnancy as a preventative 🤷🏻‍♀️

anyway phobia of dentist began and I avoided them out of embarrassment until I gave myself a good talking to and found a new dentist (private instead of nhs) he has never found issue in my teeth 🤷🏻‍♀️ other than a recommendation of hygienist every 6 months. Don’t be embarrassed or be hard on yourself if needed find a new dentist who has a bit more sympathy xx

See a different dentist in future. The important thing is that you’ve went now, and they can help you get sorted out. I’m sure they’ve seen much worse and they’re not nearly that bad. Some people are just unkind!

I think it's really common to have teeth issues after pregnancy. My dentist suggested it's because you get more acid reflux ect.
Anyway I had similar results to you, not a big fizzy drinks person, regular brushing and then suddenly two fillings. All the work was done either whilst first baby was under 1 or whilst pregnant with the second.(yes, I know how lucky I was to fond an NHS dentist!)
Does sound like yours could work on the dentist equivalent of bedside manners tho. Mines pretty nice but factual about my teeth and tend to believe him as I wasn't paying for it.

Inhalers can impact. You should use before cleaning teeth.

I'm surprised your dentist couldn't cut you some slack for having had children (a known cause of dental problems, to the point that it's included in your NHS maternity exemption from paying thing!) and for using inhalers - the preventer inhaler is known to dry your mouth out and cause infections and cavities.

Can you find another dentist? She didn't have to speak to you like that. You don't have to accept it.

Don't beat yourself up. 5yrs without seeing a dentist means that a lot of things would have been missed over those years.

Pregnancy did a right number on my teeth. And that was despite me brushing 2-3 times a day (electric toothbrush at home and a normal toothbrush if I'm out/at work) and flossing...and me seeing a dentist (and a hygienist) regularly! I've got missing teeth (luckily molars) due to no wisdom teeth ever showing up and having baby teeth with no adult successors. But did have to have a molar (that had been root cannalled) pulled out.

Moving forward: good electric toothbrush, floss (my hygienist showed me how to do this and also recommended the interdental brushes).

I feel you, my teeth are horrendous due to a combination of pregnancy damage and bad acid reflux for a long time. Please don't feel bad, you can improve your teeth as they are.

I also find it very hard to reach my back teeth and I have found a water flosser really helps. I also use normal floss but have a small mouth and big teeth so find the water flosser a good addition. It might be worth a try

This.

My last appt I had the dentist reminding me how to clean my teeth. I was mortified. Then realised I'd slipped into bad habits. Treat it as a reset.

P.S I know what you mean about teeth feeling weaker.

Definitely rinse after inhalers.

Honestly don't feel embarrassed.

You are there to receive a service and they should not be rude.
They are your teeth and what you do to them is up to you.
Sometimes I think dentists forget that we are the paying customers.

Please don't beat yourself up

In my experience, some dentists go out of their way to make you feel shit. I’ve had some dental issues in my life and some dentists have been helpful and encouraging while others were not. My recommendation is to shop around for a different dentist.

To be fair, eastern Europeans can be very direct and abrupt. It isn't at all unusual to have some.erosion as you get older, especially if you have DC. It's also worth checking for underlying causes, as problems like coeliac disease often go undiagnosed and can lead to weak teeth and bones.

Around 30 years ago this happened to me. A tiny Indian dentists put the fear of god into me about my oral hygiene after birth of 2nd child (I was on free nhs care post partum at time)

she was also fairly brutal with the scraping of plaque form my teeth as well- and with both kids there I was gripping the seat arms for dear life and trying not to cry.

she told me I needed to get electric tooth brush and 2 sizes of interdental brushes. Otherwise I would loose my teeth

i lived in area low on nhs dentists even back then so had to keep returning to her with kids.

but 1 year and 2 check ups later I went to my next appointment and she examined mouth. Sat down in front of me. Told me well done, and I’d made a massive transformation and she was proud of me 😳. She said too often people ignored her and she did go in strong and hard (or put it another way brutal and terrifying) on people whilst there was time to correct the issues, and that she used the firm Indian mother approach - whatever that meant! . She was as nice as pie to me after that. I kept with her until I moved away some 9 years later. Kids loved her, she was great with them.

despite her hard line and agressive approach to start, now I know she did me a massive favour. That fear of god of loosing teeth to gum disease means I have not had any dental treatment in 30 years since, other than a quick clean on front bottom teeth, which since menopause seem to gain more plaque I can’t quite keep on top of any more. I’m in and out chair in a few minutes. The little Plaque cleaning needed at dentist these days is a breeze with the water jet method with no pain or gripping of seat arms!

whilst people are right that you could go to another dentist, maybe try one more time, given difficulty of getting dentists, once you’ve done 6 months of electric toothbrush and interdental brushes. Do take up a hygiene appointment to learn how to do all the cleaning properly. Make sure you change toothbrush head very regularly. You may then find dentist is better, but please please don’t let it put you off going to any dentist. Honestly chances are your teeth cleaning methods need some serious hygiene changes and you need to keep going to a dentist till you’ve got on top of that and you’re in maintenance phase

Dental hygiene is so important. Not just for your teeth. There is strong evidence that dental hygiene issues can be a contributory factor for heart issues and increase risk of strokes. There was some other links recently, but dont know if these have been verified around link to dementia- however they don’t know if it is cause or effect. Same with diabetes. The failure of nhs dentistry for this generation of kids and young people is a time bomb and imho a massive oversight by government as in terms of public health . 🤷🏼‍♀️

whilst you’ve had a shock, and you’re rightly upset, in time I’m sure you’ll benefit from that appointment for the rest of your life- for better or worse you’ll not forget it

Interdental brushes (they come in different sizes) are an absolute must - particularly for those back teeth.. Also pay attention of the edge of your gums.

I brush, first, with a normal toothbrush then finish with an electric one: before bed.

Do not brush immediately after food or drink - wait for an hour.

I second a hygienist appointment specifically to teach you how best to use your new toothbrush, what heads to use, what else you might need to do, and crucially, the one or two things you should focus on first. I've made huge improvements in my dental hygiene over a couple of years by focussing on just one new thing after each visit. You have a chance to set yourself up with some new great habits, you may as well get them right from the start.

Pregnancy can be really hard on teeth, that’s a known fact and why pregnant women and women who’ve had a baby within the last 12 months qualify for free NHS dental treatment - although of course that only works if you’re lucky enough to have access to one of the increasingly rare NHS dental practices!

If you’ve not been able to see a dentist in a few years then chances are that some of the problems are things that have been building up for a while.

I also couldn’t see my dentist for a few years during Covid due to them restricting appointments, and when I finally did manage to get in for a check up they told me I needed 10 fillings 🫣 They also prescribed me some high flouride toothpaste (Duraphat 5000) to help strengthen my teeth.

The important thing is that now you know about it, you can start to deal with it. Although it doesn’t sound like this particular dentist has a great bedside manner. I’m sure that she must have seen plenty of patients with teeth far worse than yours!

My gums have not been the same since having my children, they bled a lot both times I was pregnant. Regular brushing with an electric toothbrush and using interdental brushes made a massive difference though and they are much better now. As much as it's upsetting to be told that your teeth/gums aren't in the best state you can improve them now so try to focus on that.