To feel so embarrassed after trip to dentist

[Mummabear04]

I went to the dentist today for a check up. My gums have been sensitive and I was a bit worried that I had a chip on my front tooth as it felt a bit sensitive at times and I could feel a difference in texture so wanted to get it checked out. My teeth have always been alright, I had some fillings as a kid but I do look after them and brush them twice a day, every day (at least!) I do drink a lot of black coffee and red wine so my teeth aren't pearly white but I never drink fizzy juice and I don't eat much sugar either (I have a pretty good diet on the whole).

Long story short is that the dentist seemed shocked about the state of my teeth. She even asked me if I brush them!!! I am still so embarrassed about it. She said I must be struggling to brush my back teeth, the sruface of my teeth seem corroded? and that I need four bloody fillings! I am so upset by this. I have 2 kids (under 5 years) and was not able to go to the dentist during post partum due to covid and then I had a difficult birth/recovery/looking after a baby and toddler so didn't go for post partum check ups as my teeth have always been OK. I have also developed asthma in the past 2 years and I swear my teeth feel weaker since using my inhalers (is this even a thing?)

Anyway the dentist was a gorgeous, blonde, slim European woman and I felt like an ogre after the appointment. I came home and burst into tears and cried for about half an hour straight. She did say to get an electric toothbrush (I've just ordered) and I've got some well woman max vitamins in the hope they will somehow help my oral health. AIBU to feel shocked that my teeth are in such bad condition? I feel awful about myself.

It's often genetic, at least imo
.
My ex had horrendous teeth from age 16 despite having a healthy diet and very little refined sugar.

I am a sugar addict, have been all my life and only had my first filling age 40.

Please don't beat yourself up. There's a lot we can't control.

Thanks for all your responses, some really kind words that have made me feel a lot better. I think I have been worried that there is no return to good teeth and once they are in the decline then that's that but now I see that I might be able to salvage them...

The dentist that I saw was new to the practice and I think not long to have graduated (although might be completely judging and misreading her age). I grew up in an Eastern European household so I am used to people speaking bluntly to say the least (she was actually German by her accent). I know she was just doing her job but I guess I feel shocked by the news and also the cost. I still feel embarrassed tbh.

Re inhalers - I use a spacer and also since and brush after using my preventer. I don't normally need my blue inhaler anymore but have had a bad run of respiratory health the past 3 years which is how I developed asthma at 36 years old! I definitely notice a difference in how my teeth feel since having to use them but can't say exactly how if that makes sense?

Re electric toothbrush. Can kids use them? Do they need different brushes? I would have thought that maybe their gums would be too sensitive for them but maybe I am completely wrong like all my dental choices.

I've also picked up some interdental brushes and some mouthwash so hopefully I can improve everything.

@Dreamerinme

"Asthma inhalers (particularly preventers) can affect tooth decay etc and you should always brush after using - we were told this when DS was diagnosed two years ago."

That's fascinating. I know someone who's been given a 'puffer' recently for non-asthmatic reasons. Does this apply? Can you send a useful link or two?

Re electric toothbrush. Can kids use them?

Yes, from the age of 3. Most electric ones have different settings for fast/slow etc.

Under 3yrs, a softer, manual baby brush is recommended.

I wonder if culturally they are just more direct. I brush my teeth every day but I don’t go the dentist regularly (only if i have an issue) and no one has ever commented like that. I had a huge gap of about 20 years once because of a painful visit so thought I’d be in for a rollicking, but nothing was said other than the treatment I needed.

This.

Pregnancy can wreak havoc with our teeth sadly.

Kids absolutely can and should use them.

I think I’d get a second opinion on the four fillings.

I think you can get softer brush heads for kids. My pair have been using them since they were 4 or 5 I think. DD1 has had one filling in a baby tooth, but that was because she went through a phase of chain eating apples… DD2 has great teeth in terms of decay, pity she is going to have a load of orthodontic work soon!

Using electric toothbrushes I mean

@Mummabear04

If by European you mean Polish, you will find them very direct, especially the women! I had a Polish woman dentist and she was very direct. Also when I went to get my nails done, the lady told my friend who speaks the language that my nails were very bad and like paper! My friend translated....

Honestly I have always had good teeth, no fillings and after my second DC I had soooo many teeth problems. My bottoms ones just seemed to corrode and break down! Still was doing all the usual things I’d always done!
A few hygienist appointment, a good electric toothbrush and making sure I floss as well as brush has got them looking much better and are much healthier now.

I don’t understand with 2 kids under 5 why you haven’t been back at the dentist? We all go together to a yearly check-up, dentist checks my kids and then me. You are lucky you still have a NHS dentist, in my area you get kicked out if you don’t come to
the yearly check. And don’t say you have been busy, it’s 15 mins a year! Some of
this could have been avoided.

A tip my dentist told me regarding mouthwash; don't use it atraight after brushing. Because you want the toothpaste you've just used to stay on your teeth as long as possible to help repair/protect them. If you use a mouthwash straight after then you risk washing the toothpast off your teeth.

Good luck - it's never too late to fix things and at least you know now!

some people need a wake up call!

I agree. I do everything ‘right’ and have problems with my teeth. My husband does the bare minimum (brushes for 30 seconds if that, doesn’t floss) and has perfect teeth; he’s mid 40s and has never had a filling.

I noticed a decline after two pregnancies and two years of breastfeeding. When I mentioned this the dentist said pregnancy and breastfeeding doesn’t affect teeth at all 🙄

I had to book an appointment for a root canal, after a family appointment. The receptionist commented that I must be the one with a sweet tooth. My husband spoke up for me saying that actually he was the one with a sweet tooth, and that I didn’t really eat sweet things.

I used to have a lovely non judgemental dentist but unfortunately they closed and I was moved to this one. With my previous one I had 6 monthly checks, whereas this one says once a year is enough - it’s really not as by the time I make it to the next year, small issues which could have been resolved earlier have turned into larger ones.

The current one says she can see I’m brushing my teeth well so I’m not sure what else I can do. My gums are ok, my teeth just seem weak and crack and chip at the slightest crunchy thing.

My dentist told me that post partum (and the few years after) mums teeth are often neglected and in poor condition.
Take it as a compliment; you look well put together and she was surprised that you need fillings. I grind my teeth so my back teeth are cracked and have fillings. I consider myself clean and presentable.

I had never had a filling nor any problems with my teeth until I had children (age 34) and had to have 3 fillings in the aftermath of 2 DC in 2 years (and this was with an electric toothbrush and the same level of oral hygiene plus dentist visits & hygienist cleaning on at least an annual basis). I was horrified! I had changed to a new dentist too and did wonder if she was just finding problems to bring in more money while I was in the period of free treatment on the NHS.
10 years later, I've had no more cavities or problems. I can only put it down to either the dcs sapping all the calcium out of my body - or else the 2nd (and 3rd) breakfast and extra snacks when breastfeeding (I suspect it wasn't my original theory of an unscrupulous dentist). Hopefully it's just a blip, OP, and once you get these problems fixed there won't be any more.

Yanbu. I had a similar dentist experience when I was also in a vulnerable very difficult time in my life and I cried in the car on the way home. The way the dentist spoke to me made me feel awful.

I've always had good teeth, but have struggled in the last few years after being diagnosed with silent reflux, the acid can dissolve tooth enamel. I have always used an electric toothbrush, but have found using a water flosser (waterpik), really helpful as my teeth are quite close together and then adding more toothpaste once I have done.

Please don’t feel bad about not going to the dentist as it sounds like you’re going to do the right thing from now on. After having my last child (who is now in their thirties) I was told I needed 3 fillings and that my gums were in a bad way. I’m now in my sixties and my teeth are not perfect or very white but they’re definitely healthy and all mine!

One tip I can give you with the electric brush, is to try out different brush heads, if needed, as everyone’s mouths and gums are slightly different. Make sure you change the head every three months.

There's a reason you get free dental care after pregnancy. Babies take your calcium and it can be very hard on your teeth.

Mine were great pre children. Lots of problems afterwards but calmed down again now ((hopefully).

My wisdom teeth have also squashed mine together and I now have to use the TeePee silicone picks. I think these have really helped and have requested a water flosser for my birthday (exciting!)

Totally understandable that you feel embarrassed but it ISNT you. I also brush twice a day (and floss, and use an antibacterial mouthwash). I do like a fizzy drink but try and use straws as recommended. My previous dentist was lovely and explained that medications I’m on can cause dry mouth which it good for teeth, as well as how vommiting due to my condition didn’t help and that my medical condition did have known tooth issues related to it. Recently seen a new dentist (same surgery) who was horrified by my teeth and said I was “leaving them to get worse” (I’d seen her two months earlier! And I’d tried to get the 2 fillings she wanted booked in but it was a three month wait and they had actually cancelled the appointment! That’s why they got worse!) now I have 3 fillings and a tooth removal. She kept going on about how I’d “already lost two teeth”… my wisdom teeth! 😂 honestly take what they say with a pinch of salt. Tooth health can be genetic, as long as you know you’re taking care then just tell them to go do one in your head each time x

My dentist made me feel absolutely shit about my teeth - I was convinced I was heading straight for dentures and it caused me huge amounts of worry. Then I had an appointment with the hygienist and went in very apologetically, warning her about my awful teeth and she said they were fine for my age, she could see I took care of them and they were in pretty good shape. I was furious with the dentist for the unnecessary worry she caused me. I really don't trust them at all and would like to move to an another practice but don't like my chances of finding another NHS opening.

I would find a different dentist if you are in a position to. What they are suggesting sounds sensible, but you need to have confidence in your dentist’s knowledge. I would not be happy with someone who is not talking about the effects of hormone changes on oral health as part of the wider picture. It’s their job. Someone with a better bedside manner will also put you more at ease.