To feel so embarrassed after trip to dentist

[Mummabear04]

I went to the dentist today for a check up. My gums have been sensitive and I was a bit worried that I had a chip on my front tooth as it felt a bit sensitive at times and I could feel a difference in texture so wanted to get it checked out. My teeth have always been alright, I had some fillings as a kid but I do look after them and brush them twice a day, every day (at least!) I do drink a lot of black coffee and red wine so my teeth aren't pearly white but I never drink fizzy juice and I don't eat much sugar either (I have a pretty good diet on the whole).

Long story short is that the dentist seemed shocked about the state of my teeth. She even asked me if I brush them!!! I am still so embarrassed about it. She said I must be struggling to brush my back teeth, the sruface of my teeth seem corroded? and that I need four bloody fillings! I am so upset by this. I have 2 kids (under 5 years) and was not able to go to the dentist during post partum due to covid and then I had a difficult birth/recovery/looking after a baby and toddler so didn't go for post partum check ups as my teeth have always been OK. I have also developed asthma in the past 2 years and I swear my teeth feel weaker since using my inhalers (is this even a thing?)

Anyway the dentist was a gorgeous, blonde, slim European woman and I felt like an ogre after the appointment. I came home and burst into tears and cried for about half an hour straight. She did say to get an electric toothbrush (I've just ordered) and I've got some well woman max vitamins in the hope they will somehow help my oral health. AIBU to feel shocked that my teeth are in such bad condition? I feel awful about myself.

My teeth have been crumbling since kids and now per-menopause. I had to have one of the back ones pulled a few months ago 😭.
electric toothbrushes are a game changer and when we tools my eldest to a hygienist pre-braces I learned so much from her on how to properly brush teeth. 6 seconds per tooth all in all! Includes the very back ones too.
my teeth look and feel much cleaner now x
all we can do is move forwards with new knowledge - any maybe change dentist! X

“Long story short is that the dentist seemed shocked about the state of my teeth. She even asked me if I brush them!!! I am still so embarrassed about it. She said I must be struggling to brush my back teeth, the sruface of my teeth seem corroded?”

Doesn't actually sound like the dentist has said anything wrong unless she was laughing in your face whilst telling you which I’m sure she didn’t. It’s her job to tell you about your teeth and she did. Your teeth are obviously not in great shape so her asking you if you brush isn’t unreasonable because I can guarantee she sees loads of patients that don’t brush!
The fact that you mention your dentist was gorgeous, blonde and slim shows this is more about you feeling insecure than anything else

you are like my DH- completely lucky you got good genes. I reckon it is something in your saliva that makes you less susceptible. I, on the only had, develop plaque just from smelling food! 😂

Honestly OP don’t stress. Just get it dealt with and move on. their job is to sort you out not judge you and to be fair they make money from people like you so honestly just move on.

I now go to the hygienist twice a year and make sure my children do too. Whilst I brush like mad with an electric brush, they always tell me I’m missing bits. Haven’t had a filling since I started doing this and kids have never had one either.

I hate going to the dentist, my teeth ache before I go and I dread bad news/being told off. Ridiculous really. I went this week and my gums have gone from 2/3s to 1/0s now this could be false hope from a new dentist, but I have been using a water pick, new electric toothbrush and tape.. I'm hoping this is a thing and gums can improve? I have also started using hygenist which is very expensive but makes a real difference to the colour of my teeth. Don't give up OP and don't be too hard on yourself.

Lots recommending electric toothbrush but I hate mine, the sensory from buzzing etc puts me off so then I don’t use it. Is there anything else I can do other than suck it up!

I feel for you, that was not okay to make you feel like a dental failure. I've been there, shamed for my teeth, gums.
Today I wouldn't allow it, it's part of their job to educate us on how to care for our teeth and if they are not educating you don't accept their judgement.
Your dentist has definitely seen worse, I have most of my teeth filled, missing four and I do my best.
I had my first filling at 12, it hurt so bad, I have a mouthful of fillings and get regular checkups now after finding a kind dentist who taught me about my dental health and understood the lack of education our parents had.
I was reared on sugary cereals, ribena for lunch, all the penny sweets, toffee bars, fizzy drinks, homemade baking, sugar on weetabix from the time when parents didn't know better. Now there's school education on these foods, different food labels and a lot of education.
I had dental problems in pregnancy with my gums, I smoked for years before that, took medication regularly which all affected my dental health and my dentist explained this to me.
I've had dental appointments where I came out feeling like a failure and felt like there was no fix but now I know there are lots of fixes for everything and maybe that dentist should have had that conversation with you.
I'm sorry you had that experience and I would find another dentist with understanding and compassion for their patients.
My current dentist also has a mouthful of beautiful pearly whites.
Best of luck.

Decay is usually an airway problem not a cleaning problem. The 4 minutes brushing in a 24 hour period is not going to prevent decay on its own.
If you do lots of running with your mouth open, you're at high risk of decay.

Pregnancy and breast feeding have a negative effect on teeth so it’s likely this. Look for a tooth paste with hydroxyapatite (Biorepair is good and now available in boots) and begin oil pulling once a day also. A water pik would be great also! If you are not in any pain give yourself a couple months with this new routine and then get a second opinion. 4 fillings seems excessive and dentistry is big business.

I couldn't agree more. Its definitely genetics. I eat like buddy the elf, drink red wine, I rarely floss. My teeth aren't stained, gums are text book healthy and at nearly 40 I've just had my first filling on a teeny tiny cavity. My partner is 35, looks after his teeth and he has the teeth I should have, stained (albeit not heavily) extractions, crowns and multiple fillings

Dentistry in the U.K. is the most highly regulated in the world. There are over 59 bodies that inspect dental practices and you are more likely to be sued , as a dentist , in the U.K. than anywhere else in the world.

The GDC , the body that regulates all dentists is more feared than anywhere other regulator and dentists can be struck off for a lot less than making up work to do. Many dentists , at some time in their career , will be subject to GDC investigations and even though most are found not guilty the stress , anxiety over what can be years of investigations can take their toll , including suicide . https://www.dentalprotection.org/uk/articles/urgent-reform-urged-as-dental-professionals-under-investigation-report-suicidal-thoughts-and-quitting-dentistry

First and foremost dentist have a professional obligation to put patients interests in front of their own. Failure to do so will result in them being struck off.

However put a patient in front of three dentists and you will get four, equally valid , treatment plans. The line between filling a tooth and not can be very fine and a matter of judgement.

Do you think you could cope with a water flosser? I use mine with Luke warm water and got told by my hygienist to floss before brushing because it helps loosen things up

No , you should rinse out your mouth with cold water because the inhaler hits the back of the mouth first and medication can remain there and cause thrush . However the inhalers do not cause decay . Dry mouth can make you more susceptible but inhalers are not implicated in decay.

Thanks so much! I'll pass this on. Mwah!

I do think some dentists seem absolutely convinced that anyone who doesn't have perfect teeth is somehow abusing them with tons of sugar. My eldest dd is told off every time she goes to the dentist because the enamel on her teeth is so weak and. they're not pearly white. She's always accused of eating too much sugar, drinking too many fizzy drinks etc. She doesn't eat sugar, never drinks fizzy drinks and has weak enamel on her teeth since she got her adult teeth. No dentist has actually ever been able to tell me why!

No babies do not take calcium out of teeth , that was disproved in the 1940s and is an old wives tale.

Bad gum and oral health can affect the developing baby and make eg risk of miscarriage higher, also gums are more sensitive to even a bit of plaque so gum disease is affected by pregnancy and breast feeding.

what is a problem is being sick or having acid reflux , and grazing on food , sipping sweetened coffee, tea, drinks during the day . This causes decay .

Probably has MIH if it’s front teeth and first molars affected . https://www.kch.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/pl-1074.1-molar-incisor-hypomineralisation-mih-in-children.pdf

MIH is caused by even a mild illness in late pregnancy or early childhood that affects the enamel on first adult incisors and molars .

Good diet and using fluoride toothpaste , together with fissure sealants help most , although in severe cases more treatment may be necessary. Cosmetic treatment (private) can be done when child is over 18.

You have my sympathy. You have to wonder why some people choose a career in medicine when they have such a shitty bedside manner! I am lucky to have a wonderful dentist who is understanding of the fact that I sometimes neglect my teeth when my mental health is particularly bad. The hygienist on the other hand just criticises me and that makes me not see her as often as I should. I’m actually thinking of telling her this the next she has a go at me - that I’m well aware of what I’m doing wrong and that her criticism is actually making things worse because it stops me from my teeth deep cleaned as often as I should.

Actually the research says that an electric toothbrush does no better a job than a manual one, although people may tend to use them longer because of timers etc.

So long as you spend enough time brushing (2 minutes) brush effectively on all surfaces, use a fluoride toothpaste, clean inbetween teeth with interdental brushes or floss and do not use a mouthwash you are doing a good job.

My dentist is good but the hygienist is not. He has a real attitude and definitely makes me feel like shit every time I go. I brush with an electric brush and use interdental brushes but I never ‘make the grade’ re gum health. I have a small mouth and cleaning the back ones is really tricky. I do my best but never good enough for this guy.

I dread going tbh but the dentist is nice so I persist.

Thanks for that! No dentist has ever been able to give us a reason for it. I did have norovirus when I was 9 months pregnant with her, I wonder if that was the cause? 🤔I'm not sure if she'd want cosmetic treatment tbh, she's 21 now and hates going to the dentist completely.

No decay is a sugar problem first and foremost. If you are eating or drinking something sweet or starchy more than three times a day , you will get decay. It doesn’t matter what you eat or drink at mealtimes , it’s what you sip, or take a bite of inbetween times.

saliva is important in neutralising acid and a dry mouth can make you more susceptible to decay but running with an open mouth does not cause decay.

Fluoride containing toothpastes will help prevent decay but if you are grazing or sipping on sugary/swet things inbetween meals all the fluoride in the world is not going to stop the decay.

9 months is when the enamel on front teeth is starting to form so could be that.

If she is happy with her teeth and they are healthy, good for her.

Unfortunately because of the high degree of litigation against dentists in the U.K., the hygienist has to tell you each and every time what the problems are and how you can keep them under control. If they do not do this and record what they have pointed out and what advise they have given each and every time they see you they leave themselves defenceless if they are sued. That is the sad truth , they have to act defensively to protect themselves.

Yes you need to brush after inhalers - ideally do your inhaler just before teeth brushing as part of routine.

Do you floss? It will make a huge difference to your gums. I was a bit rubbish at flossing until a hygienist was very blunt with me - I then started actually doing it properly so she did me a favour!

Of course an European dentist (whatever that means) was honest. They call things what they are and ask you to address the issue so no point looking for excuses. Brush your teeth, avoid fizzy drinks and sugar, sort the fillings and start seeing your dentist regularly. Problem solved!