To think my kids grandparents are terrible

[Ryleightown]

I just feel so sorry for my kids that they won’t get loving grandparents like I did. I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off. My mom had 2 more kids when I was a teenager and I had to help her relentlessly. Took them out every weekend to the park when I was a teenager and had my own life, had to watch the kids while she gave birth etc. And they’re not in my kids lives at all. In fact, I had my wisdom teeth out today and they couldn’t even help me out with the kids so I’m here quite angry and in heaps of pain (which is probably contributing to my bad mood.) I think 100% you should be prepared to raise your own kids when you have them but my parents should’ve lived by this rule too considering I had to help them raise kids when I was a child myself. And my DH’s parents are just as bad. His dad left when he was young and his mom is going through her own issues. Had given him up a long time ago. Our parents were so reliant on theirs when we was younger but absent when we have kids. It’s infuriating. Husband is out of town on business btw. That’s why he can’t watch kids. We get no support and fair enough not wanting to be in your adult children’s lives ( I don’t understand it) but your grandchildren too?

I think OP just would have liked them to help out whilst she had a dental treatment that is pretty brutal.
It’s not asking a lot is it?

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

And I feel like todays generation of parents are entitled and self-centred.

Or perhaps OP, you should limit your comments to your parents and not comment on an entire generation?

And the moan of the week goes to...
And the gross generalisation of the week goes to...
Sadly, your choice to have kids, and there should be no expectations of help, favour or hindrance, to accompany such decisions

I don't know...I look at a lot of parents today who ban everyone, including grandparents, from seeing the baby for days, even weeks, and then have so many 'rules' in place afterwards. I can totally see why some may be 'hands off'. Tough gig being a grandparent these days 🤷‍♀️

My DH says "if they couldn't be arsed to parent their own children, they're unlikely to be arsed in seeing their grandchildren" and he's right.
Growing up we both spent more time with grandparents than our parents, and our children have no active grandparents in their lives.

It's Transactional Trump!
Parents bring children up, not the grandchildren.

One problem is that people in their 50s/early 60s are still working, supporting young adults, caring for elderly ill parents and then expected to look after grandchildren.

There's just not enough time or energy, and as the grandchildren have parents, it's safe to prioritise their elderly parents who have no one.

Whilst trying to have a bit of a life themselves.

This with bells on.

I had NO help with my kids even though all 4 grandparents were retired, and it never crossed my mind to expect it.

Well put

I agree. There’s a huge difference though between parents taking advantage of grandparents and being involved.

Sorry but that’s your mum not this generation of grandparents..what a ridiculous stereotype. I am 70s and do plenty of childcare and adore my grandchildren. It is tiring but I feel blessed to be able to share life with them. Sorry you don’t have such a supportive mum.

I get what you are saying, though don't want to tar a whole generation with the same brush.

My parents hardly had any involvement in the lives of any of their 6 grandchildren, or as another pp said, only at a very superficial level.

I didn't want them to do regular childcare, and I know that they wouldn't have wanted to either, which is fair enough. A bit more interest though, and a more willing support network on the odd occasion when they were needed would have been nice though. But, I knew I was to be largely on my own, so ...... !!

I do believe that my children were my responsibility, mine to bring up, and I did that. My choice to have them, my duty to care for them as they grew up. I don't see that duty as completely ending now that they are all adults though. I'm not actively parenting them anymore, but I still want to offer help if it's needed, and if I am able. That includes when/if they ever have their own children. I certainly hope to be much less distant with any grandchildren I may be fortunate enough to have than my own parents were with my children and my sister's (they hardly knew them).

I don’t think it is generation specific really.

My parents are pretty hands on grandparents despite all still working, which I am very grateful for. They have a wonderful relationship with my daughter. It probably helps that she is not only my only child but the only grandchild (until April when I have my second).

My maternal grandmother watched my mum struggle rather than actually help. I remember thinking from quite a young age that she seemed to almost enjoy my mum asking her for help and being able to say no. My paternal grandparents were kinder and more hands on, even after my parents divorce they would help my mum out, not just my dad.

My maternal grandmother is the only of my grandparents still living and it baffles her as to why we’re not at all close.

Did your kids know them? My kids don’t even know my parents. Seen them a handful of times. It’s not about expecting childcare it’s about being involved with their grandchildren.

So you're moaning about your parents saying you had to bring up your siblings whilst saying your grandparents were very involved with you....so why did you bring up the siblings?
You went in for wisdom teeth removal but your husband couldn't reschedule his work commitments ....that seems more of an issue as he's the dad

That's generally the underlying reason most folk want grandparents to be more involved.

With all due respect you are the same age as my grandmother. I don’t think it’s your generation.

But her husband couldn't be arsed his work was priority but she's not moaning about him.

If I’m assuming things then so are you. You can’t speak to peoples intentions as much as I can.

How much effort did you put into being in contact?

I'm basing my comment on the numerous grandparent, well actually grandmother, bashing threads I've seen.

My parents are the same. Haven’t helped me with my son at all but had endless help and support from their own parents when me and my sister was young. I once called my parents (who were 10 minutes away) and begged them for a lift to hospital when I thought my son was seriously ill. I didn’t have a car and would have had to wait for my husband to come home from work otherwise (he was coming but was further away than they were). They couldn’t be bothered to come and my mum had the nerve to tell me I should take responsibility for my own child, after me and my husband had cared for him without any help for his whole life. I was so upset and told her she absolutely did not take responsibility for her own children because her mum practically raised us. Any respect I had for her disappeared that day and we barely talk now even though they still live close by. I don’t think it’s all grandparents but it has been my experience that they are far more selfish than my own grandparents were.

You mean its normal for parents to not reach out to their dcs when they are adults buts the dc responsibility to do so?

I don't understand the tone of your post. It comes across like 'it serves the inlaws right' for not seeing much your child because they were gasp working to support themselves when you had her.

Not everyone can or wants to drop their own jobs/lives to look after other people's children. For free. Doesn't mean they don't want to be excluded entirely.

This !! My Mum was a great hands on Grandma and I am with my grandchild . I do still work though ,so am not always available. Every generation have the givers and the takers .