To think my kids grandparents are terrible

[Ryleightown]

I just feel so sorry for my kids that they won’t get loving grandparents like I did. I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off. My mom had 2 more kids when I was a teenager and I had to help her relentlessly. Took them out every weekend to the park when I was a teenager and had my own life, had to watch the kids while she gave birth etc. And they’re not in my kids lives at all. In fact, I had my wisdom teeth out today and they couldn’t even help me out with the kids so I’m here quite angry and in heaps of pain (which is probably contributing to my bad mood.) I think 100% you should be prepared to raise your own kids when you have them but my parents should’ve lived by this rule too considering I had to help them raise kids when I was a child myself. And my DH’s parents are just as bad. His dad left when he was young and his mom is going through her own issues. Had given him up a long time ago. Our parents were so reliant on theirs when we was younger but absent when we have kids. It’s infuriating. Husband is out of town on business btw. That’s why he can’t watch kids. We get no support and fair enough not wanting to be in your adult children’s lives ( I don’t understand it) but your grandchildren too?

Not all grandparents are like this.

In the late 1940s/early 50s my mum and uncles grandparents refused to help their kids with childcare.

DH are in our early 50s and we were really close to our grandparents. They helped bring us up and helped our parents out financially.

My mum and DH parents all looked after their various grandchildren. My mum suggested I go back to work and she’d have my children. It was only 4.30pm-10pm until DH got home from work but it helped us and she loved it. She looked after them aged 64-68 years old.

I feel for you OP, your parents exploited you as a teenager and aren’t interested in helping you now. Don’t make the mistake of thinking everyone’s experience is the same as your own though. There are supportive grandparents and disinterested grandparents in every generation.

They raised you. Now you raise your own kids.

I had the best grandparents. We lived really far away but would visit in summer holidays and Christmas. Sometimes my mum parents would come to stay with us. But it was a squash with 4 kids mum and stepdad.

my dad left when I was barely 3 and on his access visits would dump us at his parents. It was the best time as we would go for walks etc and just play games. Even better if my cousins came.

I’m sad my DS won’t experience the same as my mum is narcissistic and I’m NC with her. My bio dad lives abroad and is LC. More like an uncle. My ex stepdad is a CF and NC.

my in laws are great as they don’t do childcare but see DS regularly for visits to garden centres etc.

it’s a shame your kid won’t get the grandparent experience but it’s the adult’s loss

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off

That is an unfair generalisation .

My mum wasn’t the greatest mum to me which I won’t go in to but she has been a fantastic grandmother to my children and my siblings children she is getting older now and is starting to struggle with looking after little ones but she does it and loves it she’s even got a playroom set up in the spare bedroom for the youngest I think it’s sad when I hear of families where the grandparents are not involved I was extremely close to my grandparents and loved every second with them.

@Branwells77 my dad is 83 and he still goes on long walks with my younger 2dc and dd17, who is super fit, complains that gf walks too fast! They all call him super grandad. He is also father christmas at the local town christmas fayre every year and loves it. Dm is having some health issues atm so not as hands on but she still does well. She prefers it when gc get older though.

I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off.

I think it is the complete opposite.
Grandparents support from todays generation is much more involved and are expected to be.

My Grandparents never looked after any of the gran children, nor did their parents before them.

I don't recall friends being looked after by Grandparents in the 80's.

Visiting, yes, childcare, No.

I see women in their 70's pushing buggies all the time.

My own mother looked after all of her Gran-children at times.

If anything, they are under so much pressure to look after the children while obeying the new parenting rules, being treated like on idiot on occasion.

Obviously some feel it is not their job, they raised the children, now its their turn to relax. They're not wrong.

@EmeraldShamrock000 I think it depended on how close the gc lived. My df's parents died when he was a child but my maternal gm looked after my cousins a lot in the 70s and 80s (born between 1968 and 1982). She even helped with one of her ggc. They all lived in her area whereas we lived further out so though we saw her weekly she didn't really do childcare for us.
Nowadays most gps are still working and added to the fact dc often move out of the area a lot can't offer that sort of childcare. It doesn't mean we don't love our gc.

I'm sure you mean envious not bitter it's not their fault. All 4 of my kids GPs were dead before the youngest 2 Nd birthday I always felt sad for my kids not having them in their lives not about childcare.

@Manthide That's true, likewise if there was a situation where we needed them I'm sure they would have stepped in.

My older cousins in their mid 50's have fond memories of DGM. She probably had enough after the 10th grandchild from her own 9 children.

I might have been the 25th GC born.