To think my kids grandparents are terrible

[Ryleightown]

I just feel so sorry for my kids that they won’t get loving grandparents like I did. I feel like today’s generation of grandparents are so self centred and hands off. My mom had 2 more kids when I was a teenager and I had to help her relentlessly. Took them out every weekend to the park when I was a teenager and had my own life, had to watch the kids while she gave birth etc. And they’re not in my kids lives at all. In fact, I had my wisdom teeth out today and they couldn’t even help me out with the kids so I’m here quite angry and in heaps of pain (which is probably contributing to my bad mood.) I think 100% you should be prepared to raise your own kids when you have them but my parents should’ve lived by this rule too considering I had to help them raise kids when I was a child myself. And my DH’s parents are just as bad. His dad left when he was young and his mom is going through her own issues. Had given him up a long time ago. Our parents were so reliant on theirs when we was younger but absent when we have kids. It’s infuriating. Husband is out of town on business btw. That’s why he can’t watch kids. We get no support and fair enough not wanting to be in your adult children’s lives ( I don’t understand it) but your grandchildren too?

This. Parents need to bring up the kids they chose to have, and not assume older relatives are free childcare. 🙄🙄🙄

Ive got a great relationship with my 5 grandkids, now adult - but I didn’t give up work or run my life around them. 🤷‍♀️

A bit like saying most parents today are all selfish see themselves hard done by and prioritise me time and their looks over childcare.
Utter crap in either description.

Do you call or wait for them?

Yes, I did do that when my children were older. But neither a six month old baby not a two year old toddler can be left unaccompanied in a swimming pool and therefore lessons had to stop until they were older.
My friend was just amazed that I couldn't magic up childcare to continue lessons.

Try under the floor boards.

But if it's a lesson you're not in the pool you're watching or waiting outside why would the Los be unaccompanied.

Not assume younger children are free childcare as well. There’s a difference between childcare and being involved with gc. You have just stated you guys have a “relationship” with gc, that’s great. Some gc don’t even know their gps.

Stopped calling when it became clear they weren't interested and it was just one way. We would travel to visit them but they made no effort to travel to us but would take trips abroad with their friends, not that I begrudge that but not sure why you wouldn't want to visit your GCs, even just once a year.

Thank you @Genegeniehunt - it is hard being part of the 'sandwich' generation.

My DSis, who I mentioned has just had to say she can't do the one day a week care she used to do for her GC as she has to get an extra days work just to survive, literally went from my DM dying to looking after her new GC (5 months break).

And in a lot of cases there's an expectation of looking after mum and/or dad AND giving a day a week or a Saturday evening looking after the grandchildren.

I was brought up in the 70s. My only living Nan didn't help but she was a good Nan. We loved going to see her - she'd always have home made cakes in stock even if she wasn't expecting you.

My parents (and my aunts and uncles) didn't have an expectation of help but each of them took turns to have Nan at Christmas, we all piled over to hers for her birthday or our birthdays and share the present opening with her, organised a big bash for her 80th. Because she was the head of our family and it went without saying that we looked after her no matter what.

Even now we still speak about our Nan with a lot of love (and quite a few giggles as she was very outspoken), but none of us were baby sat by her. As we grew up we'd often pop round to see her only to find a cousin or auntie/uncle had also 'just popped in' so there were no grudges that I can remember and I don't ever recall my parents moaning about the lack of help.

Maybe we were odd as a family or it was just a different time but I never remember a 'tit for tat' thing going on. I suppose, though, Nan was always happy to have a visit, always ready with things to talk about and a cuddle so maybe the lack of picking up from school, babysitting or having us for a weekend just wasn't that important.

Well sorry but that is what happens when you have more than one child of course! We had no family help (and 4 kids) but it was for major things like middle of the night illness when DH was working nights or when we all got norovirus and no one to hold the baby that it was tough. Not baby swim classes that really is there any sort of thing you get to do with your first child unless you can afford childcare.

I am not complaining - of course not.
Just giving an example of someone who had loads of help and was surprised that it was an issue. It was the first example of this
I know exactly what you mean because I have no family help at all.

Absolutely. It's tedious. The OP has parents who aren't interested so therefore all grandparents are like that. It gets boring.

It is hard op. Yes I know nobody owes us anything.. my sister has twins. I do babysit the odd time. Our mam never helped us.

Agreed. I could start a thread about how my "grand" parents (I use the word "grand" very loosely ...nothing grand about them), were 2 of the nastiest people I've ever had the misfortune to know and then declare that ALL GP's must be like that which is, of course, absolute bollox.

I could say parents today are selfish, obsessed with their own happiness, and think their poor parenting is everyone else's fault. But I won't because it's not true. Just like grandparents today are really not self centred and hands off. It's just your parents and in laws are.

Yoyr husband should have been your support when you had your wisdom teeth out, not parents.

another grandparent bashing thread. if you have a shitty relationship with your parents then do one of two things about it; either sort it out or walk away! just because your parents palmed you off on their parents doesnt mean you have the right to do the same with your kids. They are your kids, you had em (and please don't come at me with the i didnt ask to be born nonesense), you raise em.

grandparents should have the right to choose how much involvement they have in your childrens lives! i tend to notice, the better the relationship between parent and child, the better relationship with grandparent and grandchild.

i'm sick of hearing about how grandparents MUST and SHOULD help raise their grandchildren for free and basically sacrifice their own lives to make sure yours is easier.

I have said you are being unreasonable because your experience is the opposite of mine. I had no help from my parents and neither did any of my friends. Neither did we expect any.

But I provide a lot of childcare for my grandchildren and the playground at school pick up is full of grandparents in a way is wasn't when my children were young.
I provide childcare because I can and I want to. But I am constantly surprised by the number if parents today who expect their parents to provide childcare as though it is their parents duty. It really isn't.

Your husband should be supporting you.

Yes it’s shit that you were a child carer, but shit parents do not become fabulous grandparents

I tend to comment on these threads because I’m in a similar situation and agree with the OP. Today I took my kids to the beach and there was an older couple there with their grandchildren (looking after them over half term). I felt so sad that my children have never had a sleepover with any grandparents or had them spoiling them. I remember my Grandad taking me to the sweet shop when I stayed there and what a treat it felt. Sad that my kids will never have memories like that. I keep trying to tell myself it’s their loss but my children miss out too :(

Don't be ridiculous. My in-laws were never punished for anything. They missed out because they didn't spend time with the child. She's 42 now. Pick on someone else, you bully.

😂😂😂

@LondonJax the irony in what you are saying , you just don’t get the point of this thread at all!
It isn’t about childcare , that’s for parents to sort out, we’ve paid for every cent , it’s about support, interest and family .
So the example you gave about your nan; well what if everyone just didn’t visit her and didn’t bother with her so she was an elderly person alone ? I mean family have no obligation to visit right ? What if she had a fall or was recovering from an operation and was struggling or like the op has wisdom teeth removed which can be horrible to recover from and everyone just left her to it 🤷‍♀️ That’s literally what the op is talking about . I mean I guess that also ok , just to leave elderly people to sort out their own stuff according to you. I mean that’s their problem people are busy enough, except most normal , decent people don’t think or act like that thankfully !!! I mean my The vast majority of posts here aren’t talking about grandparent’s providing full time childcare at all but just to maybe offer the odd time especially if the op is recovering from a minor op .

Maybe this is the OPs mum.

Couldn't agree more with OP.

Same here, I do a lot of childcare too. I wouldn't dream of not helping my daughters with their children as they both work full time. I can see the support is invaluable and benefits everyone.