When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

Bet he/child doesnt bite anybody again.

Im not offended by my parenting technique. My point has always been that everyone is different

I don't mean physical punishment, but actions like removing things they value. My point is that everyone parents differently. Older generations did whatever they deemed appropriate at the time, the younger generation believe snowflake parenting is the way. Im just stating that I think a harsher form of parenting when children do wrong is the way and that words do nothing. I do not hit my child

I agree that physical punishment isn't the way. What I've said is that we need to accept the generational gap in how behaviour has been dealt with. The older generation smacked first but it's lead to gentle parenting and ive not met 1 child that works for and ive worked in education with all ages for 12 years

I'm guessing mother in law???

This is very dependant upon where you live. I am fortunate to live in a country where children have equal protection from assault, and hitting them is no more legal than hitting an adult.

I would have absolutely no hesitation in going NC with this relative and reporting them

At four they absolutely should not be biting anyone!
How did you discipline your child?
You probably didn't did you?

I went mad at my father for hitting my dog on the nose the other day. If he but my child he would feel the wrath! Adults shouldn't be biting children to teach a lesson. That's not teaching anything. I wouldn't let ny child be around someone that bit him.

You don't need to accept it if it involves your child and you don't agree with it. If someone wants to bite their child, at least they are making the decision for their own child but to go ahead and bite someone else's child? generational or not, they are in the wrong and know it.

Adults absolutely shouldn't be biting anyone either.

People would be up in arms if a teacher smacked a child and they have to control 30 kids! And believe, the behaviour of some children in school is so bad. So if you can’t control your one kid without smacking them then you are the problem.

My ex step dad had a plastic bottomed slipper and we would be bent over his knee and smacked. I hadn’t even done it. My younger half sister had but she was his only child at the time. I was the eldest so ended up getting punished for younger siblings as I should have known better. So you do remember and it did do me harm.

You can respectfully tell people not to do something without shouting. If ever the situation arises again just calmly tell the person NEVER to hurt your child again. Your children are very young so you have to be their voice & speak up for them. I wouldn't leave your child with the relative again & I would be demanding that the person apologises to your little one for biting them & explain that if anything ever happens again you will report them to the Police.

My family members reprimand my child in their own ways when I'm not around. I don't always agree but im not there so its for them to deal with

So you'd be fine if they decided to smack or bite your child?

I'm generally easy going but if someone I trusted smacked or bit my child, I wouldn't be trusting them with my child any more.

You leave your DC with the parents that abused you and they 'reprimand your child in their own ways' when you're not around?

I'm quite shocked at the people saying things along the lines of "if it doesn't leave a mark its ok" no its not ok!! This attitude is why abuse can go undetected in black or Asian children, because marks may not show up on darker skin tones as much as lighter skin tones. Mark or no mark, it is NEVER ok!!

No my child isn't left with them as they aren't here anymore

Hardly any suggestion as to what should be done to teach the child not to bite. I was bitten at school, a very long time ago and nothing was done to the child. She continued to bite. I never forgot.

Same.
My DS started to bite me regularly and I ended up biting him back, not hard, no teeth marks but to give him a little shock and he never bit me again (or anyone ).

Thing about mumsnet is that there are wild swings of understanding. You say that, after three ignored warnings to DC, it's perfectly permissable to give a light smack on a clothed bottom - and you get clobbered by people who accuse you of 'beating' the child. There is a world of difference between the former and the latter. The small smack is such a shock to the child (as long as it's a rare occurrence) that it's far more effective than lots of verbiage. Similarly with biting. If your child is a biter and a telling off hasn't stopped it, a small and gentle bite will definitely work. And that small and shocking bite is miles away from crunching up a little juvenile bone!

I find it hard to believe that 'light' smacks and 'gentle' bites provide such a shock that they never do it again. Of course the smack and bite is going to hurt because that is what provides this shock, otherwise what is the point?

and if it does hurt, that's a reason why it is wrong. Not to mention it makes no sense to teach a child not to bite or smack by turning around and biting and smacking them yourself.

Is your child going round biting people? Maybe people are absolutely fed up of being bitten and you doing fk all about it ? given you say the child's adamant they were bitten I'm going to assume it wasn't hard enough to leave any kind of mark

Oh it works and it works well too ! It's obviously age dependent though a child at my sons nursery was a biter kids were going home bruised and in some cases bleeding another slightly older child lost their sh!t and full on bit the kid back he never ever bit another child again

Yes a taste of their own medicine

I really cannot imagine taking my own small child’s arm and giving it an intentional bite to hurt them. I honestly don’t think I would be able to do it, even if it was recommended as the gold standard of parenting