When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

speaking up when your child is targeted by an adult is not disrespectful. You just need to speak politely, fairly, firmly and calmly. Poor kid

So you threatened to punch another adult’s teeth out? Well done. Such a moral hero to your child there. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 🙄

She threatened her child first. Isn't that just ''natural consequences''?

So how do you deal with your 4yo biting when they are tired or overstimulated? If they continue to do this, whatever you’re doing isn’t working. Are you bringing your baby up to accept that a tired or overstimulated older sibling can get away with biting them, but another family member can’t?

It’s a difficult one and I haven’t voted. Did you see it happen, were there teeth marks - having had three children who’ve all grown into successful, well-balanced and, hopefully, honest adults, I’m well aware that the little dears can tell porkies and it all gets too hard for them to extricate themselves from a situation that they’ve created.
However, if the relative without a shadow of a doubt did bite the child, then I would keep well away from them in future; they have a lot to learn about boundaries..

"Old school is sometimes the best way, as they have no idea how much it hurts till they experience it."

You are wrong in assuming that a young child will see the connection. Some will only see that their care giver is hurting them and won't relate it to something they did themselves.

I know someone who was charged with assault for this and had to go to court.

She too claimed she was just trying to teach the kid not to bite.

She is thick mince, in fairness.

Don't leave your child around that person, OP.

While I don't think I'd ever bite my child, when my 3yr old son suddenly sunk his teeth into the inside of my thigh while leaning over me I was so shocked that I brought my hand down very hard on his bare bottom while screaming out in pain. The consequences of what he'd done were immediate and he never did it again.

No i believe in words and lessons. We teach them right from wrong but sometimes words aren't enough

A child can have consequences that don't involve an adult biting them. It is never necessary to bite a child.

I do not harm my child, do not assume I do. She attends nursery so it would have been raised by now if I did. I don't think abuse is normal. Reprimanding child for negative behaviour with a "that's not nice darling" in a sing song voice is pointless, raising my voice, changing my tone and showing them that way is ok. All im stating is my generation has a backbone and the generationwe are raising doesn't because everyone is so concerned with hurting their feelings.

I do not harm my child, do not assume I do. She attends nursery so it would have been raised by now if I did. I don't think abuse is normal. Reprimanding child for negative behaviour with a "that's not nice darling" in a sing song voice is pointless, raising my voice, changing my tone and showing them that way is ok. All im stating is my generation has a backbone and the generationwe are raising doesn't because everyone is so concerned with hurting their feelings.

Again, the only options aren't gentle words or biting your child. There's somewhere in the middle.

Abusing children doesn't mean having a backbone. You can have boundaries and be firm without abusing them.

So you use one of the (many) other tools at your disposal. You do not resort to physical violence. A parent should always model the behaviours they wish to see in their children.

Read what I put and find where I said I bite my child. Im saying gentle parenting doesn't work

As a physically limited mum I am not able to run after my child if she decides in a split second to run so I have to use words, raise my voice and put sanctions in place. Doing nothing teaches nothing

I never said that you did but you seem to be defending it.

I'm not a fan of gentle parenting either but again, why does it have to be one extreme (gentle parenting) or the other (biting a child) when there's somewhere in the middle?

There is a middle but my point is I was raised with one extreme and I have respect and manners and don't get hurt by someone's words or opinions. People under 30 tend to get offended by anything and everything, have zero respect for anyone and definitely lack in manners. I am always told my daughter has excellent manners and is one of the best at nursery for it. It isn't hard to do.

It sounds like you aren't raising your daughter in that extreme though and like you said, she has good manners which goes to show that it's possible without biting them, pushing them or throwing coffee on them.

@LJH001

People under 30 tend to get offended by anything and everything, have zero respect for anyone and definitely lack in manners.

You've seemed pretty offended and defensive on this thread tbh. I find this with a lot of people who accuse generations younger than them of being over sensitive or 'snowflakes'. They seem far more offended and sensitive about their parenting being criticised than they seem to realise!

No, it’s tit for tat, which normal people grow out of by the time they are in their teens!

You could say the same about an adult thinking it's acceptable to bite a child.

This is definitely a ‘thing’ that people do to kids who bite to try to get them to understand that it hurts and not to do it. While I don’t agree with it it’s a fairly common thing and I don’t think your relative was being deliberately malicious. I’m presuming it’s your MIL. Older generations have many different approaches to child rearing than most parents now would think acceptable so I’d suggest you don’t rely on her for childcare.

I will never understand why some people think it's not ok for a man to hit a woman, but fine for an adult to hurt a child.

You said that sometimes we need to show them and words aren't always enough, I presumed you meant you physically assaulted your child given that your contribution to the thread seems to be to defend an assault on a child. Maybe you could expand on what you actually meant?