When a relative bites your child

[Roberta2020]

I don't want to delve into details, because I am still angry about it.
Let's just say that a relative on my husband's side bit my child to teach them 'how it feels when you bite your brother'.
I was raised to be respectful of elders, so obviously I said nothing and consoled my screaming child, but since then I have felt unable to leave my child alone around that relative.
The relative in question, after saying 'I did it for his own good', changed their tune and started saying they did not do it in front of my husband. My child is adamant he was bitten.
I trust my child. I am not willing to leave him alone with that relative again.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too much? Should I give them the benefit of doubt?

Doggymummar · 20/02/2025 15:58

My parents always did this if we punched, bit hair pulled etc. one time I stapled my brother's finger and I got stapled too

WTF? I’m 60. That’s bloody outrageous .

Your Mother-in-law spanks some of her grandchildren?? Is she really allowed to get away with such barbaric behaviour?
Maybe I am wrong but I fail to understand how anyone can bite, or otherwise hurt a child, small or not. I have four grandchildren and could never have hit them if my life depended on it! That’s not because I’m perfect, or because they are, (they were normal mischievous children) but because the thought of a large person hitting a small person fills me with disgust. My daughters would never put up with such behaviour from me towards their children and they have never abused their children in this way. In my experience with friends’ children, apart from the wrongs and rights of it, smacking a child never solved the issue. The punishment for my children was normally a scolding, with an explanation of why what they did was wrong, and/or the removal of a treat or anticipated outing if their behaviour was naughty enough to warrant it. This normally did the trick.
I remember once being pushed to the edge by my daughter’s behaviour when she was about four and I actually shouted at her! Then I saw the look of horror on her little face and was mortified. I explained why I had shouted, and comforted and cuddled her. I promised it would never happen again (it didn’t). To this day, 55 years later, I still feel shame for that episode. I mentioned it to her the other day, but she didn’t remember it (or said she didn’t!). Thankfully, I have a brilliant relationship with both my daughters and my grandchildren. My first great grandchild is due later in the year and I can’t wait!

My DS was going through a phase of biting me a lot. He was so stealth with it too and would come in for a cuddle and then strike. He once bit me while MIL was round and she snatch his arm, held it to her mouth and said “shall I bite you to teach you a lesson?”. I gently moved his arm away from her and said “you’d be picking your teeth up off the floor if you did”. DH’s jaw almost hit the floor. I wouldn’t ever say anything like that to anyone, let alone his mother. But I meant it and I didn’t want to leave any room for doubt that I wouldn’t accept an adult biting my toddler- even if he had just bitten a chunk out of me himself. She has a long history of doing as she pleases, and admittedly I haven’t always been assertive enough in challenging her. But when it comes to keeping my DS safe there’s absolutely no leeway.

Your husband’s family can only treat your children badly if you allow it to happen. Set your boundaries, make them clear and if those boundaries aren’t respected then be certain you follow up on the consequences of that.

I don’t think a tap on the nose with a rolled up newspaper would do the trick either 😂

Some people on here need to grow up!

I absolutely love this. But at the same time, how was your son able to continually bite you, to the point that he was even being sleekit about it? This is not on either and I absolutely wouldn't stand for it from my 3 year old, no matter what age he was. It would have been firmly dealt with and he wouldn't ever dare do it again.

What do you find to be ridiculous?

If it’s the fact that the parents will be reported and the child taken away, it is not ridiculous at all. Friends of mine took their 2year old to the doctor because he had suddenly starting limping and they had no idea how he could have hurt himself without anyone knowing. He was never left on his own and hadn’t cried or given any sign of distress. Next thing they know, Social Services got involved because the doctor had reported them. This was apparently because they had no idea how the injury occurred. So it is not ridiculous.

I’m not sure why I was the only target of it, as he never bit anybody else. It was an awful phase when he was between 1-2 years old, it went on for a couple of months (felt like forever) but he’d just randomly strike and there’d be no warning it was coming as nothing seemed to be a trigger for it. He started by just biting in general and I’d move away then eventually he moved on to doing it when he’d ask for a cuddle- but it wasn’t every time he came for a cuddle. So I never knew when it was coming as sometimes he’d toddle over and put his arms out for a cuddle and he’d not bite at all. It made me feel almost weary of him for a long time, which then made me feel awful for feeling like that about my own son. But I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy a cuddle with my him because I was half anticipating being bitten. I don’t know if it was the consistency of moving away from him when he’d bitten and explaining why I’d moved that made it change, or if he just grew out of it, but one day it just stopped and he’s never done it since. Thank fuck. He’s now the most kind and gentle little boy.

Sorry, meant to quote you to reply to you in my above post but must’ve knocked it of.

Yuck.

This is how Grandma Nippy got her name

Ahh diddums.

This thread is absolutely wild. Your parents deliberately burnt you? That is criminal:

I wasn't hit no but I didn't have gentle parenting. I was dragged around, pushed, had coffee thrown over me, but agree with showing a child what it feels like when they do something like bite. Kids are exploring the world and will do these things but if we don't let them know what they do hurts, as words don't always work, then they carry on

Do you really think that the only 2 options to stop a child from biting are words or biting them back?

Oh my lord, who stapled you!? Your brother?

I pity your poor child if you feel the only tools you have at your disposal to parent are violence and gentle words.

I would go absolutely apeshit and never allow them near my child again

Surely, you don’t believe that is the only way to teach a child?
Your role is to teach your child right from wrong because a toddler is too young to understand. You do that verbally, reinforced with consequence (time out, naughty step etc). You never physically hurt your own child 😢

As I said to another poster, you think child abuse is normal because it was your normal. It isn't though. If you are harming your 3 YO, I can almost guarantee you will have SS involvement in the next few years when your DC starts school. Schools don't take chances with violent parents.

So some of you think it’s ok to to teach a child it’s wrong to bite yet it’s ok to teach a child that it’s ok for adults to bite (biting the child back). What planet are some of you on?

I managed to teach my nursing toddler not to bite by screaming, standing up and pushing her away and crying. She never bit me again.

Yes. I read a lot of it breastfeeding my 2 year old and looking at tiny wee arms and wee wrists that still look screwed like a baby's. Because they still are babies really. The idea of inflicting deliberate pain is very distressing.

Definitely.