Should I give my brother £15k?

[25doingtherightthing]

My mum died last year and I need some advice, apologies if this is a long post. My brother and I didn’t have the easiest upbringing (think low income single parent household, addiction, neglect, emotional abuse). In her later years my mum came into relative money - through final salary pension and the inheritance of a privately owned council property. My brother lived at home rent free until late thirties when she passed, never paid rent or contributed to any house hold bills, never maintained her house, never saved a penny. I Ieft home at 18 to fend for myself. My brothers difficult behaviour alongside my mums was a contributing factor there.

A few years ago I was looking to get on the property ladder with my savings. My mum gifted me £30k, wrote a gifted letter etc. to my knowledge she never gave my brother the same money.

I now have 2 Dc (bro has none and is single) and my brother and I have now both inherited from her estate. The reason I’m posting is because I’m unsure as to whether I should give my brother £15k (half the £30k) to even things out. I’m sure my mum would’ve intended him to get the same, although didn’t amend her very old will.

We recently sold her house which was damp, damaged from my brother smoking (cigarettes and weed) inside and in a state of disrepair. The estate agent was clear that it could’ve been worth much more if it had been maintained. I also feel resentful about my brother having lived for free, while I had little support. However this is likely clouding my judgement.

I’d love to hear what others would do in this situation? Would you give your brother £15k? Please be kind, I'm trying to do the right thing, thank you.

Absolutely not.
He’s benefited from far more than £15k.

Even if he did get £15k it would be money down the drain.

It was gifted to you - make good use of it.

Your brother lived rent free for many years, whilst your DM gifted you £30. It looks to me as if she was evening things up by balancing your DB's rent free life by giving you 30k for a house purchase. You do not have to share this with DB whose rent free life will have amounted to much more than 30k. Leave things as your DM did - it's clearly her wish since she did not amend her will or write a letter of wishes to go with it.
Sorry for your loss. But don't feel guilty about the 30k.

No, he had his £15k in other ways and you owe him nothing, in fact he probably lost you both money!

My rent is £15k a year,so living rent free he is already ahead of the game

Oh gosh - Please don't (I know you have now said you won't) But this was literally me and I did give it (it was 9K) - and all it did was make me 9k poorer - he was so ungrateful about it and never gave any thanks for it. He is a lifes taker and poor little him. Thats my expensive lesson learned. It sounds like your DB is of similar mind. He's had his share by living rent free.

Waste man. You don’t owe him a single penny.

@25doingtherightthing - are you the executor?

If not, I agree with all the posters here!

If you are the executor, however, the legal position may be somewhat different. It's been a while since I've done probate - but there's a legal doctrine called the ‘presumption against double portions’.

Put simply, a ‘portion’ is a substantial lifetime gift made by a parent or guardian to a child with the intention of “establishing the child in life or to make what is called provision” for them. This includes helping a child on the property ladder - as seems to be the case here.

However, if the parent has also left their child a sum in their Will, it will be presumed that they did not intend to make the gift twice (ie to the detriment of other children) and that the value of the lifetime gift should therefore be deducted from the beneficiary’s inheritance. Which would mean that the £30k gets deducted from your portion of the estate.

This presumption can be displaced if a) the Will specifically excludes lifetime gifts, and/or b) the terms of the gift or other evidence indicates the gift is in addition to the child's inheritance.

Like I said, if you're not the executor, not your problem legally - but if you are, handle with care

Definitely not.

Two questions for me here 1) would you give money in principle? 2) would you give it now? For me the answer on 1 would be yes. The challenge on 2 is would giving him this cash now lead to a really poor outcome, i.e. would he spend it all on weed/booze and finish up in a really bad state? Only you can assess two. My DB died younger than he should have done and I would like to help my niece on to the property ladder. However, in her late 20s she is still a bit of a party animal and so the time is not yet right.

She didn’t give him any money ‘to your knowledge’…. I bet she was always bailing him out for smaller amounts, buying stuff he wanted etc.

Does he know she gave you that money?

If you did give your birthday the ££ what would he spend it on? Unless it would enable him to to buy his own place, and that is what he would do , I wouldn’t begin to consider it.

Never... he has been an expensive drain on the family financial situation. Perhaps your mother had a good idea what the future held and felt gifting it to you when she did was the right thing to do.

Lots of people on here telling you to keep it. Only you know what the right thing to do is.

Why did your brother continue to live at home into his 30s until your Mum died? Was he just lazy, or was it because he struggled to overcome your childhood more than you did? Did you have the wherewithal to get out, that he wasn't able to find? You mention difficult behaviour. Is that poor mental health? Shitty childhoods are shitty childhoods. Some children manage to disentangle themselves, others aren't so lucky. But only you know,

Someone mentioned putting it in an account with the intention of giving it to him if there is a right time in the future. Perhaps this is the happy middle that you can live with.

Putting the £15K to good use by donating it to the Cats Protection, would probably keep everyone happy.

Agree with everyone else. You would be better off using any inheritance to pay off your mortgage & maybe saving for your own children to get a place when they're older.

Not a chance . Someone with his character would blow it on a holiday and weed! What a waste of money. Use it to make your life better!

Definitely don’t give it to charity. It’s not millions. Use it to make YOUR life better.

He was living rent-free and bill-free with her, and I'd be very surprised if your mum didn't help him out financially over the years.

I have a waste of space brother like this, trust me it only gets worse.
I never thought I'd say this in my 20s or 30s , being ever optimistic, but one of the positives in losing my parents and cutting a common thread is not dealing with by siblings bullshit lies and manipulation. I fell for it to many times and never received even half the kindness back.
My mum was quite wise to it in the end. I hope your other parent is to.

It's a no from me!

I’m stealing that expression

If nothing else spilt it between your children and start a nest egg/ uni fund for them.

No. He got free rent etc. He should have saved then.

Are you certain that he lived rent free and didn't help? I've been in a situation where I was loving at home and paying way more than rent and bills to my parents but my sibling didn't know about it.

* living at home

I agree with this.

No I wouldn’t.