Should I give my brother £15k?

[25doingtherightthing]

My mum died last year and I need some advice, apologies if this is a long post. My brother and I didn’t have the easiest upbringing (think low income single parent household, addiction, neglect, emotional abuse). In her later years my mum came into relative money - through final salary pension and the inheritance of a privately owned council property. My brother lived at home rent free until late thirties when she passed, never paid rent or contributed to any house hold bills, never maintained her house, never saved a penny. I Ieft home at 18 to fend for myself. My brothers difficult behaviour alongside my mums was a contributing factor there.

A few years ago I was looking to get on the property ladder with my savings. My mum gifted me £30k, wrote a gifted letter etc. to my knowledge she never gave my brother the same money.

I now have 2 Dc (bro has none and is single) and my brother and I have now both inherited from her estate. The reason I’m posting is because I’m unsure as to whether I should give my brother £15k (half the £30k) to even things out. I’m sure my mum would’ve intended him to get the same, although didn’t amend her very old will.

We recently sold her house which was damp, damaged from my brother smoking (cigarettes and weed) inside and in a state of disrepair. The estate agent was clear that it could’ve been worth much more if it had been maintained. I also feel resentful about my brother having lived for free, while I had little support. However this is likely clouding my judgement.

I’d love to hear what others would do in this situation? Would you give your brother £15k? Please be kind, I'm trying to do the right thing, thank you.

I definitely wouldn't give him anything, as others said he has had his share through being housed and fed all those years. It's not like he isn't inheriting anything.

Absolutely not. As others have said, your brother would have saved far more than 30k in rental costs. He could have saved this money which was effectively given to him by your mother - instead he literally burned through it.

Has he asked for the money?

No, because it sounds as though that was a gift to you. Also it's not as if he wil be left with nothing, because he will have half the proceeds of the house, even if it's not worth as much as it might have , it will still be substantial

In your sitution no I wouldn't.

No he’s had his £15k in the way of free rent. You don’t owe him anything.

What a lovely sister you are to think of even doing this. I think that if you gave your brother the £15 grand, you may come to regret it further down the line if he doesn't spend it as you think he should. You were given a gift by your mum and the £15 grand is akin to what your brother received by living rent free. You used it as a deposit and he chose not to help to maintain the house that he and your mum lived in; which in time would've made a higher profit for you both when sold. I'm sure that your mum gifted you the money because she knew you had had to fend for yourself financially from a young age and this was her way of equalling the money out. She must have been very proud of you and she wanted to help you out. Don't mention it. Just move on and you have the knowledge that your mum helped you both out but in different ways.

I don't know what you should do, the post is clearly asking to say 'no, don't - you give many examples of him benefited from superior treatment whilst living with mum - but you are a decent person for even thinking what you are thinking - even with provisos. Not many MN posts are like that.

No she gave you money to help you buy. Had she given him the same then he would not have been able to buy because he didn't work. He's been subsidised much more and also cost you anything up to 75k in your share of lost inheritance due to the damage and neglect of the property.

This! He had the benefit in kind, you don't owe him anything.

Nope & I probably wouldn't even if he had paid rent/bills.

They are outgoings that most adults have whilst saving to buy!

I don't think it's for you to do the maths on whether his free rent covers the 15k. You clearly state here:

I’m sure my mum would’ve intended him to get the same, although didn’t amend her very old will.

It's what your mum would have wanted. So do the right thing.

Don't. Different circumstances but my mum's wonderful carer was not great with money. A huge extended family and someone always wanting help. She is too kind for her own good. We gave her something when sorting out my mum's probate, but knowing it would all be gone quickly. I also give her something monthly, without fuss, which allows her to enjoy a better standard of living than she would have done on just state pension.

If you give your brother the money it will go on week. Invest it and use it when it can be spent more constructively. Your mum presumably would agree.

another NO from me
She probably gave him cash hand over fist whilst she was alive
Just watch what happens to the inheritance he has got.... It wont end well giving someone who is an addict with no experience in budgeting a large inheritance which i assume half the property will provide. I very much doubt he will invest it sensibly and if he thinks you can afford 15K extra when it all runs out he will be back for more, as he thinks you can afford it and will be his new cash cow !!

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through OP. The fact that you are in two minds and thinking about fairness in your situation pretty clearly shows what a decent person you are. Your mother gifted you the money. She did not gift your brother the same. You can't be sure she would have done so; who knows, perhaps it was in her mind that this evened things out between you. I would take it this way and be at peace that, at least financially, things are squared away.

No I wouldn’t. You don’t know if she gave him the same and he has spent it all on god knows what, and as you say he has lived rent free so that’s probably about the same

@gumpit

but the op doesn’t know if in fact her mum has given him the same and he has spent it. And if her mum really wanted to give him funds the. She would have done

If you add up all the rent your freeloading brother saved it would probably amount to a comparable sum if not more, so that’s presumably why your mother did it.

No.

Leave it. It was your mum's choice to make, not yours.

Your Mother gifted you that 30K. She wanted you to have it and maybe it was because your Brother was living rent free for many years and she felt that she wanted to even things out.

Its not like he hasn't had an equal share of the estate now she has passed. From the outside looking in, you have had equal from your Mother in her lifetime, albeit in different ways. You need to keep what is yours.

No.

No, leave it, he will get half of what your mother left, that is sufficient. Her gift to you was a separate and, hopefully, private arrangement.

Hard no.

Nope, keep it all for yourself. As others have said rent free living for all those years together with the neglect of the property more than makes up for the £15k.

Of course not. He saved more than that long rent free and not putting money into maintaining the house he lost more than that for both of you.