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Original poster

Children- would you do it again?

287 replies

AtWitsEnd21 · 20/02/2025 09:31

I was scrolling the other day and came across a viral video of a mother saying her dream was to be a mother but it hasn’t been what she thought it would be and wished she had dreamed bigger. Many of the comments were from mothers saying if they had the choice again, they would remain childless.

Personally, I have mixed feelings. Having children has meant extreme sacrifice- stress, sleep, money, interests, an always clean and tidy house, nights out and away, my appearance has suffered because I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older. I love my children more than anything but it has been so hard.

Just interested in what other people’s feelings are

OP posts:
Singleaftermarriage · 20/02/2025 19:03

Until I split with my exh I would have said I wish I didn't have kids as I was exhausted. Now he has gone, I realise it was him that was the stress and life is great! I have a life outside of kids - work full time, see friends, go away etc, but love being with them too. However, I'm pretty keen on them amusing themselves so they don't demand a lot from me. I say no alot when they used to want stuff, so they don't demand things they know they won't get, and I would say I'm pretty strict about phones and tablets etc so they aren't too affected by social media. When my 9 year old gets to high school, I'm fully expecting things to get harder as she has rebel written all over her. For now, it's all good.

TheRossie123 · 20/02/2025 19:03

RisingSunn · 20/02/2025 09:41

Yes - I think because I travelled so much/enjoyed myself thoroughly throughout my 20s/early 30s that I don’t have any FOMO.

So now (though stressful and hard at times) I’m just enjoying life in a different way. With the little people I love the most.

I second this! I have experienced pregnancy loss before I had my children and I think I would be so miserable if I didn’t have them. They fulfil my life. I don’t think I’ll be saying on my death bed that I regretted having them, but if I didn’t have children I think I would definitely be saying I wish I had them. I’m in the thick of it too, I’m extremely tired with 3 under 4 but I know this is just a phase and there is so much in life to look forward to with them. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. It’s hard but it’s what life is about.

Chuchoter · 20/02/2025 19:04

Absolutely! Mine are adults and raising children has been wonderful.

A few testing times between the ages of 13-15 when they enjoy being challenging at times so my answer might have been different had you asked me then!

I'm very close with my siblings and all of my family so I think that has definitely shaped all of our relationships.

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 20/02/2025 19:11

At times I would have said no I wish I hadn't but now they're six and eight I'd probably do it all again if I relived my life. I'm open to it changing again and ultimately it's fairly pointless pontificating, I've done it and it's had such a global impact on me and my life and who I am I'm not sure I could pick apart who I'd be, how my life would be if I'd chosen differently.

EmeraldDreams73 · 20/02/2025 19:13

Carwashandthemoog · 20/02/2025 10:08

No. Not because I don't adore them with every cell in my body, I would kill and die for my dc but as a natural born worrier I didn't take in to account just how much I would stress over my kids and now at 17 and 19 I think that I worry about them more than I ever have.

Edited

I feel very much the same as this. Mine are 20 and 16 and life was very tough emotionally for many years (largely because of their emotionally abusive dad). Even now, the scars are deep, the unreached potential is huge imho, the financial repercussions are utter shite, I'm just...not me any more. Not the kids' fault. I adore them. But no way would I have kids if I had my time again - unless I could be 100% certain about a lot of things that nobody can be. It has all really taken its toll.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 20/02/2025 19:16

Absolutely! We have so much fun.

Hamilton6382 · 20/02/2025 19:18

Travelled all over the world for 20 years with DH and then had a child when we were in our 40’s. We’ll retire before he starts secondary school. I literally wouldn’t change a single thing.

Julimia · 20/02/2025 19:21

I have two, now well grown up. One I gained by natural means, one I gained,not as a baby, by adoption. Yes I would go down both avenues again and Yes we have had our moments! .... with both of them !

Sunnybow94 · 20/02/2025 19:23

If I had my time again knowing what I now know (as a mother of two, age 7 and 11) I would do it again in a heartbeat. I really didn’t understand anyone who enjoyed life before I had children. I wondered what the point of it all was, then my very unplanned dd came along and changed everything. Watching my kids grow has so far been an absolute privilege. Don’t get me wrong being a mum is really hard and I worry about the world and their future but they are the most funny, beautiful little people to me and I absolutely wouldn’t want to live in this world without them.
I haven’t hit the teens yet so fingers crossed it stays this way 😆.

BarbaricYawp · 20/02/2025 19:37

No, I wouldn't. I'll be an empty nester after the summer and I feel as though I'll finally be able pick up where I left off with my 'real' life - except I'm 25 years older, my health and energy levels are much worse and I seem to have lost all my money.

I could have improved my parenting experience and performance by (a) having a less rubbish partner and (b) getting therapy to deal with my own childhood experiences before having children of my own, but over all I think having children is a massively overrated pastime that fewer of us are temperamentally suited to than our culture encourages us to believe.

It doesn't mean that I don't love them, but I don't relate at all to the comments about parenthood being a joy or a privilege or my life's fulfilment.

SallyWD · 20/02/2025 19:38

I'd absolutely have them again. It's the best thing I've ever done ( yes and the most difficult).

Worldwide2 · 20/02/2025 19:41

Yes I would definitely have them again. If I could do it again I would go for a third.

ErinAoife · 20/02/2025 19:57

I would definitively have my children5 only thing I would change is their father as he rurned to be out a right asshole after having the kids.

SuperBlondie28 · 20/02/2025 20:08

Yes I would. But I'd wait until my early 30s for a planned pregnancy. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 24 and seriously wasn't happy at being a mother at that age. I didn't have post natal depression but I distanced myself from DD when she was a baby. For example, I'd never push the pushchair. DH did. I didn't see the point in talking to a baby at all! Just not maternal I'm afraid. Felt like I was living someone's life and the child had been dumped onto me.

Diddlyumptious · 20/02/2025 20:13

God no, biggest regret

Birdseyetrifle · 20/02/2025 20:19

Not in a million years!

LouH1981 · 20/02/2025 20:19

Absolutely. Mine are 5 and 10 and they’ve been the best years of my life so far.
Only thing I’d change is to have them earlier so my Dad could have met them (or even better that he didn’t ever develop stupid early onset Alzheimers and lived longer than 69)

Motherhubbardscupboard · 20/02/2025 20:21

Absolutely, it's the best thing that has happened to me and that I have done with my life, and almost certainly always will be. It's hard work, and I had them quite young and so have not travelled widely etc, but we have had such a lot of fun and they have brought me great joy (and continue to do so). They are now gradually flying the nest and I miss them. We had no family help as none nearby but I am lucky that we have never had any serious money worries, and also no SEN or serious health issues to contend with as I know this can obviously make things a lot more challenging.

NotVWoolf · 20/02/2025 20:29

Biggest achievement of my life is raising 4 superb children (now late twenties and thirties). We’re a close-knit family. Partners have added so much and we have three adorable grandchildren so far. We choose to spend a lot of time together and have so much fun - life’s a party. We’ve also done a lot of travelling both before and with the children and they’re the best companions. I can’t imagine my life without them.

0ohLarLar · 20/02/2025 20:35

Omg absolutely. They are my world. I have a great career but I'd drop it in a moment for my kids.

Threeandahalf · 20/02/2025 20:36

They are the joy of my life. I could not be without them.

SpiritOfEcstasy · 20/02/2025 20:40

I had my DDs at 41 & 42 so had truly lived a life before becoming a parent. Becoming a mother has been an entirely different adventure but had I known that their Father was going to walk away from all his parenting responsibilities when we divorced I would not have had DC. Being a single parent has been fucking hard! They’re sixteen and fourteen now so more independent and I adore them …but there have been sacrifices.

MrsResponder · 20/02/2025 20:42

tulippa · 20/02/2025 09:36

I wouldn't. Nothing to do with the effect they've had on me, finances, career etc. My DCs are amazing and enrich my life so much.

However, I constantly worry about their future and the world I've condemned them to grow up in. It's not fair that I've forced that upon them and I didn't think carefully enough at the time.

What world has ever been better? During the fall of the Roman Empire? The Black death? Spanish Flu? The Great Depression? WW2?
I mean, if everyone thought like that it'd have been a very short story for humanity.

Lollipop81 · 20/02/2025 20:42

Yes I would. I would have started much earlier and had more. Had my first at 37 second at 38 and then due to a relationship breakdown didn’t have anymore. Oh how I wish I had given myself more time to have had more. I also think the years before kids were wasted I thought I was living but I didn’t truly start living until I had my kids. I think late 20’s would have been the best age for me.
but we are all different and we have made our choices so not much point in thinking what if.

LillyPJ · 20/02/2025 20:45

I wouldn't. The future looks quite scary (climate change, dangerous men in charge, unstable jobs etc). And I didn't realize I'd constantly worry about my children, even when they were grown up.