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Original poster

Children- would you do it again?

287 replies

AtWitsEnd21 · 20/02/2025 09:31

I was scrolling the other day and came across a viral video of a mother saying her dream was to be a mother but it hasn’t been what she thought it would be and wished she had dreamed bigger. Many of the comments were from mothers saying if they had the choice again, they would remain childless.

Personally, I have mixed feelings. Having children has meant extreme sacrifice- stress, sleep, money, interests, an always clean and tidy house, nights out and away, my appearance has suffered because I’m so sleep deprived I look about 10 years older. I love my children more than anything but it has been so hard.

Just interested in what other people’s feelings are

OP posts:
Mackerelfillets · 20/02/2025 18:05

I adopted my children. Looking back I should have stopped at 1. Couldn't choose which one I wouldn't have had but the combination was really tough. I later had a surprise birth child which was plain sailing in comparison. I wouldn't choose to be childless.

MillieMinx · 20/02/2025 18:07

I love them dearly but no I wouldn’t

CatherinedeBourgh · 20/02/2025 18:08

Absolutely. I never planned on being a mum, had my career and my life projects. Children were supposed to not be possible, but they came along anyway (fairly late in the day).

They are by far my greatest achievement. I enjoy them so much, and the years since they've been born by far my happiest. They are now close to adults, and still the people I like and respect most in the whole world, along with their father, who has been the most incredible partner to me and father to them, in a way I would never have gotten to see if they weren't there.

I know my life would still have been very worthwhile if I'd never had them, but I'm very glad we did.

ColdWaterDipper · 20/02/2025 18:10

I wasn’t maternal in the slightest. However I have 2 children and love them more than life itself. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I wish I could have had 2 more but health issues (cancer) put a stop to that. Having children has taught me so much about humankind and about myself, my life would be infinitely poorer if I had never had the boys.

VikingLady · 20/02/2025 18:16

I would, but I'd be prepared. I'd do things differently. I'd have things in place so I wasn't dependent on H and could leave/lick him out. I suspect he'd be a much better husband and father if he knew he could realistically lose it. But the kids have Sen and I'm trapped.

User7288339 · 20/02/2025 18:17

Yes but not as many kids. One, possibly two max.

ExercicenformedeZ · 20/02/2025 18:19

From the other side, I do not have children and I have never once regretted that decision. I find it scary the number of people who say that they regret having had children, even if they don't regret the kids themselves.

Arrggghhhhhh · 20/02/2025 18:21

No, but I never had any in the first place. No children no regrets.

TaterTots68 · 20/02/2025 18:25

Absolutely I would. Being a mum is easily the best thing I ever did, it was something that always just felt right and still does now that they are adults. I am extremely fortunate to have had the children I have though, my answer might be different otherwise.

Mooandmae1 · 20/02/2025 18:31

Yes definitely. Both of mine were unplanned and i was on the fence about children. I was going to wait at least another 4 years when I was around 30 to make a decision. I was probably one of the least maternal people as well but I've honestly loved it.

1 thing we did have that lots don't was lots of family and friends that were really close to. Lots of help was always on hand and every celebration becomes a family event so we're all close.

Both are easy going and well behaved but weve always put a lot of effort with manners, being kind but not a push over etc. I've been told on numerous occasions that people think I'm quite strict but we're reaping what we sowed. We're nowhere near perfect parents but I've always been open and honest. They tell me a huge amount about their lives which I'm really proud of.

marshmallowfinder · 20/02/2025 18:31

I would not have children if I could turn back time. Such a huge responsibility and I haven't been the sort of mother I envisaged. It's been incredibly hard. The planet is in such trouble too. It's a depressing future for them.

NightHouse · 20/02/2025 18:32

No I wouldn't. I know it's frowned upon to say that but nope, I would not have any.

Left · 20/02/2025 18:34

Difficult.

Being a parent has changed me in such a positive way.

But I have the guilt of bringing a human into the world with very poor mental health who may never live independently.

Farellyo · 20/02/2025 18:36

I would, but only if the circumstances were the same as they were again.

Was fortunate enough to travel and do most things I really wanted to in my 20s with DH, also established a decently paid enjoyable enough career which has meant paying for childcare, help around the home etc has been possible to make life easier- we can also both work part time whilst having enough to live off. Our DS has really been an amazing addition to the life we had built together, I'd do it all again. I can imagine my answer would be very different in different circumstances!

Greendiamondbee · 20/02/2025 18:41

Nope 🥺😊

I8toys · 20/02/2025 18:41

Yes - I adore my children. Had them in my 30's so had life before them and now they're at uni I miss them. Glad to see them when they come home but equally glad they are out living their lives.

HappyMummaOfOne · 20/02/2025 18:41

It’s a hard one….i could never regret having my daughters but I totally underestimated how hard it would be and kind of wish I had only had one and not a second (BUT I love my second so much). They are currently 3 and 8 months and I’m shattered emotionally and physically and don’t feel like “me” anymore. I think having a second has highlighted the cracks in my relationship with my husband and I have days when I do wish I had no husband, kids or responsibilities…..but then my daughter will give me a hug or a kiss and I know I’d do it all over again to have them both.

Shuntsarentscary · 20/02/2025 18:42

My child has a very serious medical condition. Our life has many many hospital appointments, fears, stresses, financial burdens, worries and heartbreaks. And yet I would choose my son and the life we have again and again and again and again. He is everything to me, and the joy and pride he has brought to my life is something I will forever be grateful for and celebrate. I just feel so damn lucky that he’s mine and my husbands.

I had a very very happy life before he came along - but he’s made it better. Even if this life looks very different to the life I thought I’d have with children.

Acornsoup · 20/02/2025 18:47

I would remain husbandless not childless.

LurcherMumma · 20/02/2025 18:50

I would. My DD is the best thing ever.
I could say that some of the career / education choices I made PRIOR to having kids could have been better.
But any change to my life meant I wouldn't meet my husband on have my DD wouldn't be worth it IMO.

Mb57 · 20/02/2025 18:53

no I wouldn’t!

changedusernameforthis1 · 20/02/2025 18:54

I would. But if I could choose and still have the same kids I have now, I'd have them maybe 5 or so years later than I did.
I was 21 when DS1 was born and 29 when our last DC was born. I don't regret any of them but I wish I'd have a few more years of child free life.

Lyn397 · 20/02/2025 18:55

I only had one and I highly recommend it! I would definitely do it again, for me it is the thing that has given my life the most meaning. With having only one I don't really worry about his future as we will be able to help him out a lot.

asrl78 · 20/02/2025 18:56

Do you mean if you could rewind the clock to your pre-child years but you know what you know now?

If so, I'd assert that the answer is far from straightforward. It is easy to give an answer now when lookking at it from a logical perspective. Go back to your 20's and your maternal instincts would surely be back as well, and emotion tends to override logic, so I reckon many people who say they now wouldn't have children again given the opportunity to travel back in time very likely would.

DilemmaDelilah · 20/02/2025 18:57

I didn't 'choose' to have my children, they just came along. I love them fiercely and wouldn't be without them, but if I went back to my late teens again and didn't already know how fabulous my children are I still wouldn't want to have any.

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