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Original poster

On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

428 replies

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 06:42

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 20/02/2025 19:08

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 07:38

Thanks all, I am just going to ski on my own, I can ski just not a break neck speed. I have spent many years skiing with the kids, now they are older and out ski me! The thing that hurts is that he does not care that I am left behind and will not give me an hour, that’s all I asked for. He is just hanging everything on the fact I brought up his career failings in an argument, so it is all my fault. He is very sensitive to criticism (despite freely dishing out to others) I know his silent treatment will continue, he knows it upsets me. It is his go to argument style. He will be kind to daughter, although she can see what he is being like to me. Thankfully she has other kids her age to enjoy her time with skiing. Every time I get the silent treatment I loose a bit of love for him.

One thing I learnt after being on the end of the Silent Treatment many times, was not to give them the satisfaction of knowing that it’s upsetting you.

Mine would do it all the more, the more he knew it was getting to me. So I stopped letting it get to me, by utilising the time he wasn’t speaking to me, to enjoy the damn peace. I would leave him to his little strop and would carry on with my own thing. He’d always break his silence when he realised his childish behaviour wasn’t having the effect he hoped it would.

It’s abusive and used as a form of punishment and control. You did something they perceive as a slight, so they punish you with the silent treatment.

And you’re right, it does build resentment and your feelings for them ebb away a bit more each time they do it. Because the only person who’s pathetic here is HIM. And his nasty, childish behaviour.

Use the time you have to yourself, while he’s off playing with his work friends, to really think about whether this is a relationship you want anymore and start to formulate your exit plan if it isn’t.

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 20/02/2025 19:09

This man sounds abusive. And a pretentious twat who takes skiing way to seriously. Sorry but I'd agree with you. I couldn't sty with someone Like this I'm afraid

caringcarer · 20/02/2025 19:16

JerseyCrow · 19/02/2025 06:50

Your husband sounds abusive. The way he speaks to you and then the silent treatment in between.

I think your marriage probably should be over because you deserve not to live like rhat.

I'm sorry it's been such a miserable and lonely holiday.

This. I wouldn't have hurt him at all to spend an hour with you trying to help you to regain confidence. Can you get a few ski lessons? I'd have a long think about if you want to spend the rest of your life being treated like this. It sounds miserable and is such poor role model for your DD. Would you want her to stay with a mean nasty person like this?

Ohmyttre8 · 20/02/2025 19:19

Class A AH. DUMP HIM. He wouldn’t want his daughter treated that way by her spouse! It also shows he is concerned with what the other folks think….like you should be the best skier and look like the “cool, athletic ski family”. Immature. Ridiculous. Nasty.

Nanalisa60 · 20/02/2025 19:20

Book your self in for a private ski lesson with an instructor for a couple of hours. Put it on your husbands credit card!! A couple of hours with a private ski instructor should get your confidence back. When you get home think long and hard about your marriage.

RetirementIsGreat · 20/02/2025 19:20

Yes, ski instructor may be able to help. I had one back when I was on 20s. I would still leave the a$$hole your married to. He should never talk like that to you.

Rapunzel91 · 20/02/2025 19:20

Im so sorry OP, your DH sounds like a piece of work and no one should be talked to like that. Hard as it might be I would like into separating.

Im also on a skiing holiday with my family and my DH has been taking it at my pace and kept saying how proud he is. Not trying to ‘rub it in’ but this is how people who love each other should communicate

PorridgeEater · 20/02/2025 19:24

"I usually have my friend when I come who is at same level as me and we have a wonderful time together."

Is your friend not with you this time?
You just need to do your own thing during the day and not be dependent on him - ski with others of similar ability or just relax. Meet up for meals etc.
Maybe re-evaluate things when you get home.

fetchacloth · 20/02/2025 19:25

DustyLee123 · 19/02/2025 06:46

I’d be looking at early flights home

Me too.
No way would I stand for this behaviour. 😡

Bea2010 · 20/02/2025 19:25

His silence for so long, him assuming you apologise to bring on conversation was the start of domestic abuse & the end of my marriage. Please make it public, ask your friends for their opinions on your skiing. I’m sorry to be negative but his ability to hold a grudge means the respect has gone. Gather your self respect and stop swallowing down your anger and let him know you won’t accept his behaviour.

oggie679 · 20/02/2025 19:25

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 06:42

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice as I would do exactly the same as you and would end up with the silent treatment for days like you. You can't give it and not be able to take it, especially when you're not offering support! I guess try and talk through it at some stage but if your other half is like mine, they don't see the hypocrisy often!

Nikki7506 · 20/02/2025 19:26

A man who truly loves and respects you would care about your fears.
Mocking your skiing abilities is not only rude but really dumb and insulting. I'd tell Eddie the eagle to do one.........you sound lovely and deserve only good things babe xxx

MrsWeasley · 20/02/2025 19:29

Ask at the hotel about ski school to gain your confidence and make some new friends.

sprigatito · 20/02/2025 19:30

Your comment was completely fair tbh. He sounds like a weapons-grade dickhead. He bullies you and runs you down, then when he gets a bit of pushback he pouts and sulks? I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour from a 6yo, never mind a grown man. You must be fed up to the back teeth with him. I think you should make plans to split, you won't be able to regain any respect for him now and he clearly isn't capable of improving.

Candlepear · 20/02/2025 19:31

Abusive arse!! You’re showing your daughter that you tolerate being treated like this.

Imagine this is how her future relationship pans out, you’d want to destroy that twat treating her so poorly. Channel your anger into leaving him.

He can ski. Whoop de shit. Fun, but pretty useless skill in life. What’s happened to his big career now?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/02/2025 19:32

OP your daughter knows whats going on and so does everyone else. Take your daughter and go home. Just go when dh is off skiing. At home consult a divorce lawyer. Your dh is a narcissist and a bully.

He does not like you.
You are not better off with him.
Your daughter is being damaged by his treatment of you.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 20/02/2025 19:41

My DH would only have to call me pathetic once before his stuff would be in bin bags. LTB.

Epli · 20/02/2025 19:58

Book a lesson with a very hot instructor!

Diddlyumptious · 20/02/2025 19:59

I'm sorry OP you've cone to realise it's not working for you abd now you need to take next steps. It won't be easy but You will feel easier and freer when it's done. You shouldn't have to stand for constant abuse. Good luck

Nothatgingerpirate · 20/02/2025 20:04

Ohmyttre8 · 20/02/2025 19:19

Class A AH. DUMP HIM. He wouldn’t want his daughter treated that way by her spouse! It also shows he is concerned with what the other folks think….like you should be the best skier and look like the “cool, athletic ski family”. Immature. Ridiculous. Nasty.

Cool athletic ski family
Barf 🤮 😂

IfItWasUpToMeIWould · 20/02/2025 20:05

If he cannot see that his behaviour towards you is completely unacceptable in every possible way then it’s time to move on.
Does your DD still live at home?
Are you able to literally repack your case when you get home and leave? Even if it’s to a hotel until you find more suitable accommodation? Or tell him you want him to leave, but he might stand his ground and refuse.
Unless you make a stand and demonstrate that you will not accept his abuse things will not change.
I sincerely wish you well, if you want to work things out I hope you achieve that, but if you want out of this marriage only you can make it happen, it literally is a choice of one or the other.
sending you a massive hug.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 20/02/2025 20:24

You husband is an arsehole. His behavior needs to be addressed.

Although I sympathise with you, I do think you are unreasonable to expect your husband to stay with you on a group skiing holiday when there is such a disparity in your skiing ability. Book skiing lessons, and build confidence at your own speed.

Franjipanl8r · 20/02/2025 20:40

Go home early, why waste your time with a bunch of people who don’t care if you’re having a shit holiday! The least they could do it take it in turns to hang out with you!

SirRaymondClench · 20/02/2025 20:46

I've only been skiing once and I'm petrified of heights. Guess who got stuck on the ski lift thing because she refused to let go and jump off it? 🙄 I went round that bastard thing four times because I couldn't let go!
Everyone wet themselves laughing...so compared to me OP you are an Olympic skier!
I agree with PP that you should find the best looking instructor for a few hours of intense lessons!
Your H is behaving like a cock-shine and I hope all his colleagues have seen his behaviour.

TheOnionEyes · 20/02/2025 20:49

DireStraights · 20/02/2025 19:05

He was mean and then you were mean - you knew where it hurt most. Doesn’t sound nice for either of you. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It does sound like it could be over or needs lots of work.

The people you are skiing with must be regretting it. Sounds really awkward. Is the holiday at least retrievable?

I do think that because he was mean and disrespectful, the OP then retaliated but with a remark of perhaps some comparison of the two situations.

She said: (he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style)

I think it was a good time to bring it up, instead of in a situation where it has no bearing on anything. I think it's a good point for him to think about, regardless of how sore the subject is for him.

The feedback he got was enough to make him leave his job. So, if the OP believes she may be receiving the same negative style in their personal life, why should she not give factual and constructive feedback, whether he appreciates it or not?