Jealous MIL

[CJ98]

I am due to go back to work in March once my maternity leave ends, the issue I’m having is my MIL is never happy with the days we’ve arranged with her.
Both myself and my partner are going back to work full time & will be having the same two days off work to spend it as a family - these being Tuesday & Saturday.
My MIL said she could have our daughter Sunday to Tuesday & my mum would have her Wednesday to Friday, we agreed with her that Tuesdays wouldn’t be ideal as we want to use that day to spend time as a family. She agreed with Sunday & Monday. She’s now decided to inform us that she can no longer do Sundays as her partner wants the weekend to spend as a family. As you can imagine we've now had to ask my mum if she’d have our daughter Sunday, Wednesday to Friday. Neither of them will be having our daughter over night, and it’s simply because me and my partners shifts overlap. I’ll be working 7-16 or 10-18 he will be working 10-18 or 14-22 and so we need someone to basically have our child in between.
My MIL has now said she’s really upset that she’s only getting one day a week with our daughter and she doesn’t think it’s fair that my mum will be spending more time with her.
At the moment my mum doesn’t have our daughter on her own (I go to my mums once a week and this is the only time my mum sees our daughter) whereas my MIL has her once a week on her own & has her for the full day. Shes never been happy with the one day a week system we having going on, she currently has our daughter on a Tuesday but because she works Wednesday to Saturday she basically wants our daughter those three days. At the moment her having her on a Tuesday works as I’m still on maternity leave so that one day a week is giving me a break but I’m worried that if she continues having our daughter on a Tuesday both me and my partner are going to feel like we are only having her once a week which is something we want to avoid.
we both are well aware that we are going to miss out on some time with our daughter as going back to full time isn’t going to be easy but we want to try and make time for us as a family hence us having the same days off.
I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of everything & I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do to make everyone happy.
Am I being unreasonable or selfish for telling her no to having our daughter on a Tuesday ?
Am I being unreasonable for asking my mum to have our daughter more than my MIL because it’s simply easier & my mum is extremely happy to do this.
am I just being unreasonable full stop. 😣

My MIL wanted our daughter on a Sunday but her partner has said no as they go away a lot on weekends and doesn’t want to let us down.

You're making this difficult. You just make Sunday the day you both have with DC. One of you each takes another day. GP do 2 days each that work for them. Your mum does Sunday as one of her days since MIL and you both can't.

Fair enough, it’s a massive ask by you!

would your MILs partner be open to one Sunday a month or a fortnight.

Maybe your mother could do the ones your MIL cannot, a bit of a compromise for everyone?

Pay for childcare.

Sorry but you are coming across as entitled

The problem is, retail work no longer fits with the hours offered by most childcare providers. Our ability to visit the shops OP and her partner manage from 7am - 10pm seven days a week comes at a cost to their family life and routine.

We aren’t making it difficult. Our contracts for our workplace stipulate we have to work Sundays hence why Saturdays are our days off together. We are both managers so unfortunately don’t have much flexibility when it comes to weekends & what days we can and can’t work.
the issue with this whole thing is Tuesdays. I can change my day off to a Wednesday so that my partner has our daughter on a Tuesday but the issue with that is his mum would take her leaving him without a day of spending it as just him and his daughter like everyone has been mentioning on here.
It doesn’t matter what we do his mum is going to have her on a Tuesday and my partner would only have her on a Saturday with myself.
I like the suggestion of us taking separate days off but unfortunately my partner can not swap his days off hence why we are stuck.

And give her mother even more work - sometimes 5 full days per week?

Your MIL can't just kidnap your DD on Tuesday. What hold does she have over you ?

Don’t be ridiculous! If your DH can’t say no to his mother on a Tuesday, it’s a DH issue!

He is apparently a grown man?

FFS, stop being so bloody controlling, if your DH wants to outsource his day, don’t blame MIL!

Honestly this is a situation I myself have never had to think about as no one other than paid for childcare looked after my children.

however it sounds like both grandmothers are jumping up and down to offer their time to be with their granddaughter.

I am just making alternative suggestions to offer advice to the OP.

Long term none of this will work, once free funding comes in or school. Sunday would then be the only full day the grandmothers could spend with their granddaughter.

Did you read the post? It isn’t about childcare it’s about a demanding petulant MIL who is demanding access to her GC on a day that OP wants as a family day. Petulant MIL isn’t offering flexibility to do childcare to suit when it’s needed but OPs DM is happy to. Petulant MIL is then moaning that DM is getting to see GC more and is jealous.

clear now?

Or an alternative view….

it is about a MiL who has volunteered to look after her DGC, for free, on her days off and is trying to juggle that with her own family life.
Whilst she would also welcome time, on a Tuesday, to see her DS and DGC, her DiL is preventing this happening.

The thing is she wouldn’t be seeing her son, she takes our daughter for the day and doesn’t even offer to see her son. I’m not preventing anything from happening, most people on this have said about my partner having our daughter on his day off on his own which wouldn’t happen because she’d end up with his mum.
His mum has 0 interest in spending time with us and it’s all about our daughter which we are happy about but if she wants our daughter on a Tuesday then she sees her son at the same time which she then isn’t happy about because she feels like her son is keeping check on her and feels like she doesn’t have the confidence to take our daughter for the day on her own.

Why can't he work Tues too and MIL has DC Mon and Tues?

Free babysitting is a massive favour, that needs to accommodate the giver, not the receiver!

Is that clear now?

I'm wondering what you would do if one or both grandmas tell you it doesn't work for them so sort it yourself.

Has that occurred to you at any point?

You both cannot work full time, rely on grandparents to look after your child 5 days a week and be so demanding and inflexible.

It just won't work

Stop being ridiculous again! She can’t just take your daughter for the day 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

As if she just marches in and kidnaps your child!

Is your partner unable to stop her? Call the police?

His workplace don’t need him to work a Tuesday hence why he takes it as his day off. It’s always been this way since we’ve been together and way before we started dating it’s just the way his workplace works.
He has suggested about going in and seeing IF it’s possible to change his day off to Wednesday which obviously would mean that his mum could have our daughter Monday & Tuesday.
if it’s not possible then we are still stuck in the same situation of either my partner has her for the day on his own or she goes to his mums for the day and he doesn’t see her

If your DP gives your DD to his mother on a Tuesday, it’s a DP issue!

Simple!

Is anyone else hoping that MiL starts reading MN and realises that her DDiL doesn't appreciate her support and waltzes off for regular city breaks and long weekends at the seaside stretching to Mondays and Tuesdays before going back to work on Wednesdays through to Saturdays?

I completely appreciate her support. I don’t understand why it’s coming across like I don’t.
if you read the entire thing you will realise that she’s messed me about since day one swapping and changing what days she can have our daughter. The one day she wants to have our daughter is one of the days that myself and partner are having off together so we can spend time together as a family. Even if one of us has that day off our daughter is going to end up going to her meaning we miss out on time with her which is something multiple people have suggested we do on here.

The one day she want to have her is the one day she's not working herself or being with her own family.

A typical MN post, I have it harder so others don't deserve anything better.