We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

It's just a joke isn't it?

I hate to way it but yes...boomer attitude.

So your parents are spending " your " inheritance but you don't other parents should?
It's still their money untill they pass .

No, it often isn’t though

@Tuppenceabaggy i know what you mean. Since having dd (toddler) I envisage spending every spare bit of cash on making her life easier.

But… she’s only a toddler. I wonder if when I’m older and she’s older I may well feel differently.

I think it’s more like a ‘do I have money to leave or not’ thing.

Obviously, if there’s nothing left to leave, parents won’t have to be self conscious about whether they should be spending it or saving it for their dc.

Definitely generational. Boomer generation is famously self centred (yes, yes generalisation). As a Gen X parent, I get joy from helping my children in a way my parents obviously didn’t - I left home at 17 & they considered it ‘job done’. Same for my DH. We choose to parent our wonderful adult children very differently.

No…it’s a dickhead thing.

my mum is 72 and still tries to give me the shirt off her back (figuratively and quite literally in cold weather). Trying to get her to take any financial assistance is like pulling teeth (which ironically was what I trying to pay for as hers needed urgent work)

I’m not arsed about money, I just find the attitude odd.

The ones who talk about all those years of sacrifice, how they clothed and fed their kids and went without and how this is now ‘Their’
time..,kids don’t ask to be born, don’t have kids or resent the fact you did..,it’s called being a parent

I don’t understand how it didn’t even cross my parents mind to set up a small savings account or offer to help with driving lessons, I did it all myself, alongside college, then uni too, zero help.
I just don’t think this way for my Dd

I don’t really understand what you’re saying. That older people scrimped and saved when their children were children to provide for them, and now they’re adults they’re spending their money how they choose so there might not be much for their adult children to inherit?

Well - what’s so bad about that?

Bingo

‘Boomer attitude’ - should give your children what they need when they need, when you can. Not make them wait till you die when they probably have established themselves as independent adults.

’Boomer attitude’ - will need the equity from your house, to pay for personal care.

‘Boomer attitude’ - good financial planning - to die with nothing. Your children had it when it was of most use, and you spent what you needed when you needed it.

I would prefer my parents to ensure that they have everything they need, want or covet in this life or if they chose to send some my way then help me whilst they are still here to see me with the ‘inheritance’ rather than once they are gone - excepting disposal of property or things that really cannot be shared or sorted until then.

For my own DC, I would also look to help them whilst I am here if I can, if they need it etc. Mostly, I am trying to ensure I have brought them up so that they can succeed (whatever that looks like to them) with a healthy attitude to money and savings and live good content to happy lives for the most part.

Yes, i’m a Xennial and feel the same as you, I was extremely independent (they often said this) as I was very much left to my own devices

They are not spending their children’s inheritance, they are spending their own money.

if there is anything left when they die, that’s and inheritance. But for now it is just the parents’ money.

And adults shouldn’t be assuming their parents still should help them. If the parents choose to that’s lovely, but it’s not an entitlement.

I find it weird with my DM - not the spending of the money, as it's hers to spend. But she's spent over 6k on two mobility scooters of which she used one once, and basically gave the other away for peanuts (also never used). £££ on various other items which were gently suggested as being pointless... Yet makes a big fuss about not wanting to pay for a premium shopping delivery spot (2 quid?) 😳

Maybe they couldn't afford it at the time
Kids don't ask to be born and I realise you have a toddler
But generally speaking ( I know this is not always the csse) people are adults when they lose their parents and should be self sufficient by then.

Did they have parents that saved and gave money freely as you've decided to prioritise or did they have to be independent also?

My parents jokingly say it and I jokingly tell them to stop spending it. I know I will inherit. My parents have given me and my brother a lot over the years. They are boomer age but we grew up very poor, in a council house, on free school meals. They got a bit better off as we got older and have been sensible with money, invested my Dad's small lump sum he got when he retired and take pleasure in treating us. We also treat them too.

My parents sometimes talk about spending my/our inheritance but as every penny they have they earned as far as I am concerned they can. I haven’t needed help, my DS had some and my DB more.

I have 2 DC now adults and have helped them through uni and with rent since and will help with a house deposit when the time comes, however I am also going to enjoy myself, travel and do the home improvements that I want to, so in that way I am spending their inheritance too. This is money that I and DH have earned except for one smallish inheritance each. I expect my DC to earn, save and live within their means but I won’t see them struggle.

It's their money as long as they live. The attitude to inheritance on here is so off, IMO.

I do think if they are vocalising that then it is a bit shitty. But the actual act of spending on what they want is their prerogative I think.

Parent spending 20k on dental implants…yet sibling unable to afford deposit for home. I think it’s a really poor attitude.

It's a personality type not an age thing. My mum is in her 70's and so generous. She hasn't got lots, but what she has she wants her kids and grandkids to have. I will be the same with mine. Can't imagine siting on a load of money and seeing my kids struggle, I'll struggle myself before them.

I’d like to leave DD and my Grandson a nice inheritance but we’re not going to skin ourselves to do it and if the house needs selling for care then so be it.
We gave her £25k towards a house deposit when DH’s Dad died 5 years ago and funded her car and insurance through Uni.
I put £100 a month into a stocks isa for 5 y/o DGS so he will have a nice amount at 18.
She will be much better off in retirement than us, a good Teacher’s pension and she earns more, at 35, than DH did at 55, as an engineering manager of a factory.
Nobody is ‘owed’ an inheritance.