We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

Is that a joke?

Fine to spend their own money, not so fine to boast about it or refer to it as their 'children's inheritance'.

No, i’m talking about all of it, how growing up, they didn’t help with driving lessons, a car, no savings account (however small) no help with a house deposit, none of it was even considered, whereas I worry about not being able financially to help my Dd with at least as much of this as I can and i’ll work as hard as I can to make it happen. We scrimp and save at the moment, something I want to do for her, I don’t think about when she’s older and how much money i’ll have to spend on myself, I hope we can have some treats, but I primarily put her first in my mind and actively want to

They should fuck their dental health for their child?

Get a grip.

Well occasionally I say this to our dses when we book another holiday!

It is a joke, everything we do is about saving so we can support our dses with money for deposits if they want it. We live quite frugally considering our income to ensure we can save for our dses.

My mum and dad enjoy life now and are spending their money but good luck to them I say, they haven’t had an easy time and it’s their money! Anything they leave us will go straight to our dses anyway.

There are a lot of older people who are the opposite and won't spend money as they're worried about not giving to their children. My in-laws are infuriating- they are comfortable but won't bloody spend a penny on themselves as they'd rather give it to us when they die. They both want new cars (and can afford them easily), they struggle to pain their house as they'd rather give won't pay for a decorator and dream of a holiday to Australia but won't pay for the flights. We'd 100% prefer they enjoy their money. We'd get more pleasure from that than their money (which might end up paying for care anyway).

I paid for all my driving lessons out of a Saturday job. Mom left widowed with 5 kids, youngest 10. We had no money lived in rented accommodation. After uni when it was just me and mom at home i paid decent board and treated her. I figured she had done her bit. I think it is entitled to think parents should not spend their money. Inheritance is a privilege not a right

So spending ones own money is Boomer attitude and terrible but Millenial attitude that the DP should spend their money on them is fine 😂pmsl!

I've told my Mum & Dad to enjoy themselves whilst they can.

Selfish attitude OP.

@Tuppenceabaggy So have your parents actually said: "We're spending the kids inheritance?"

With young, dependent children, it's hard to see a future where you wouldn't prioritise your children financially. However, I've seen myself that as they grow, it's imperative that they learn their own skills to feel accomplished within themselves in all sorts of ways, including earning. Any inheritance or assistance is a bonus, but too much can tip the balance for them in all sorts of ways.

I can only hope to leave a property for them to share our, I don't/won't have savings. However I am "spending their inheritance" to a certain extent right now, alongside them, because I have a life limiting disability and it's now or never" for us to do things together with the pittance I have. Rightly or wrongly. I'll never get this time back, so I'm following a mild sort of bucket list and including them on the journey, and hoping that they will inherit my home (eg not have to sell it to pay for my care etc).

Some people just aren't rich enough to leave wads to their kids, and their (adult) kids can usually make their own way in the world well enough despite this. There's things in life more valuable than money.

I think when children are young it's natural to want to give them everything and do everything possible to make them happy. When they grow up you still want that, but they leave home and start to do things for themselves (hopefully) and you realise there's quite a bit of living still to do. I'd always want to help my children, but there's also still things I want to do for me. My adult child has planned for his own future and has a good job, he probably won't need my help.

Inheritance isn’t inheritance until you’ve actually inherited it though is it? If people want to spend their money while they’re still alive that’s up to them.

However, if people behave in a selfish way towards their family in general it stands to reason those on the receiving end won’t be in a massive hurry to help them out anytime soon.

Maybe it’s because when you were young, there was still hope that you achieve something things on your own - it was definitely more possible to get a free or cheap university education, save a flat deposit etc. whereas now all that seems inpossible

When I bought my home mom bought me a lawnmower and a bed. I was grateful. Working class background. Maybe this is where we differ. U don't have much so the fact that u buy something makes it even more appreciated.

My father stopped caring for me financially when I left home at sixteen, never mind no inheritance.

Did their parents pay for driving lessons and a car?

So are you saying they’re lying when they say they sacrificed everything for their kids? I still don’t understand, plenty of people couldn’t/can’t afford that for their kids, but kids still cost parents lots of money. Now their kids aren’t financially dependant, they’re able to save up and do the things they couldn’t before - but yes, they might not leave anything or much?

Again, why is this a problem? It’s great if parents can help out, of course, but equally I don’t see why parents without much spare cash while the kids were young, don’t get to treat themselves, enjoy their retirement.

When parents have scrimped and saved and worked their arses off to provide for their kids I absolutely think they should spend their later years thinking about themselves. Why should they continue to go without so that their kids get a free pass.

I think it’s incredibly grabby and ungrateful to be annoyed with any (decent) parent, just because they aren’t continuing to live hand to mouth just to enable their kids.

But I also think that it’s out of order to expect grandparents to look after grandkids too.

I really hope that my parents enjoy every minute of their retirement, they’ve sacrificed a lot for us as we grew up and they deserve it.

My parents (early 80”s) are the exact opposite. They are very comfortably off but have never been remotely materialistic and nothing makes them happier than being able to pass their money onto their kids to make our lives easier and happier. Most of their friends are very similar.

This is us exactly

I don't know. I would rather my parents used their money and did things they wanted in their life and enjoyed it rather than worrying about saving it for me to inherit.

I see both sides of This. I plan to help my kids as much as possible, but I also intend to enjoy my retirement and won’t skimp on some luxury.
I meet elderly people though my work all the time who sit in the cold rather then put the heating on as they want to save the money for kids inheritance

Yes I agree with this - my parents did what they could for my brothers and me whilst they were still alive and also taught us to be independent at an early age so we could get on with our lives. Inheritance was never really discussed but apart from their home, there wasn't much money around anyway - what they had, they mostly spent and hopefully enjoyed - they earned it after all.

I'd rather my parents enjoy their life and spend their money than keep it sitting away so I have a larger inheritance. What a selfish attitude, if your parents leave anything you should be grateful.