We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

Yes, how bloody dare people spend their own money that they have worked for on themselves? It’s not a boomer thing at all. Personally I think the selfish thing is expecting an inheritance as a right. No one is spending their kids inheritance, they are spending their OWN money.

If this is the point of the thread, why the "We're spending the kids' inheritance"?

You say you're not bothered about money yet your thread is all about the money not spent on you by your parents and your intention to be different with your child.

By the way, that is an intention and means zip until you have to actually do it.

Surely there’s middle ground?

It’s one thing to help children out when they go to uni, but once they leave and find work they need to be self sufficient. Kids have far too little of an understanding of money. They need to be brought up to help themselves not to rely on others.

They're not spending their money. They're usually spending the inheritance they got from their parents.

I think if you receive an inheritance that you have an obligation to pass that onwards within a family.

I know the small inheritance from my father has been kept entirely separate as I do not consider it 'my money'. My job is to invest it as best as I can and use it for the benefit of the next generation.

Others think differently clearly.

I’ve only heard it a couple of times and it’s always been a bit tongue in cheek as the people saying it are very wealthy, have already helped their DC and will more than likely still have lots of assets to leave as inheritance.

I agree, and I think it’s because by that point you’re absolutely knackered. You want to not have to have the mental load of dealing with everything for everyone else constantly.

You have spent every spare moment and spare penny for decades prioritising these other people who by that point are quite capable of looking after themselves.

Dont get me wrong, I look after my grandkids, I pay for stuff for them, they will be looked after in my will but when I see the attitude of ‘I didn’t ask to be born so my parents are responsible for making sure I’m OK for as long as they live’ I think it’s selfish and grabby.

Oh please! Why don't all the boomers be forced to vacate their houses and go live in a poky flat somewhere, and let all the millennials have a big house to raise their kids in? Get a grip! I worked hard for my 'things' and I aint giving them up that easy!!! I help my kids, but I am not going to suffer!

oh god i hate the 'kids didn't ask to be born' rubbish... you have to remember that if this is the case... i didn't ask to be born either, yet here i am! perhaps its the difference between the rich and the poor.

i grew up with nothing, and received nothing and when i die i will die with nothing!

whatever money i have now, and whatever i have provided for myself and my DH when we retire is for us! if there's anything left when we go, then fair enough the kids shall have it, but nope i am very proud to say i am spending the kids inheritence!

With all due respect your daughter is a toddler you have no idea how financially well off you will be.when she goes to uni or even if she goes to uni anything can happen life doesn't always pan out how we expect it too.

Tbh, I couldn't see my kids suffer for want of cash, while I went on 3 holidays per year.

My parents were boomers and definitely didn't have this attitude at all. They were all about me and my sister from the minute we were born. We were always telling them to spend their money when they retired, not that they had loads of cash, but they were very content. It made them very happy to know that they would leave us provided for. That's my aim for my own children too.

My dad gleefully told me it waa my turn to sacrifice for my dd. Well the dofference between me and him is that I don't see it as a sacrifice.

No, I think it's an odd attitude to view their money as your inheritance. It isn't. It's their money.

My parents worked to provide for me when I was growing up. Doing that gave me the tools to make my own life.

I don't understand this attitude of never really growing up and doing for yourselves. Neither of my boomer parents had financial assistance from their own parents. In fact, like many of the boomer generation who weren't born with a silver spoon, they were expected to contribute to the household as soon as they started working, which was much younger than now for the majority who left full time education at 16 or earlier. The silent generation brought the boomers up pretty much the way the boomers brought us gen x up. To be independent and to make our own way in the world.

I don't know where this idea comes from that boomers invented expecting their kids to get on with it. It was only really the very rich who had this generational wealth you all think was ubiquitous. My parents didn't have it. My grandparents didn't.

My ILS give their DCs (all in their 50s)all the time
My DH spends it on family stuff for us ,but I leave it to him to decide precisely what it is spent on
They gave us £5k at Christmas
They have always been generous but they don’t travel as much as they used to,and have smaller cars
We all get on very well which probably helps

Your generalisation is awful saying "boomer attitude" is basically just ageism. You can't tarnish an entire generation because of how the people you know behave

she is saying it's rather jarring when a parent says they scrimped and saved - why, why did you do that, you didn't need to have a child, it's an indulgent thing to do, it's completely to the benefit of the parent to have a child, it's a privilege and a choice so too right you do whatever you have to. Don't have a child if you can't afford it or are going to resent it.

But likewise, you are not spending their inheritance, you are spending your money which, if they are adults you are entitled to do.

I agree. No, kids don't ask to be born but usually their parents do their best for them, raise them to independence and set them off into the world. After that their financial responsibility comes to an end. Yes, it's nice if parents help out occasionally, but they are entitled to do whatever they want with the money THEY have earned, and I applaud those who enjoy the fruits of their labours.

As for the 'selfish boomers' - I'm of that generation and my friends' children are all wealthier than they are. How much more selfish is it for children to think they are 'owed' an inheritance from their parents and said parents should be hoarding their savings to leave to them. This modern trend of sacrificing everything for your children for the rest of your life is not healthy.

My step mum was like this and it drove me crazy (as she was only with my dad a couple of years beforeche passed), but she had a strange relationship with her own daughter and a skewed view of families.
We've just paid off our mortgage and are already starting to save to help our kids by their first houses. We have a good life and I want the same for my boys. It will hopefully give them choices later in life.

You seem to be really proud that you did everything yourself. I did too. Paid for driving lessons, brought a car, saved a house deposit, moved up the ladder etc etc.

We could afford to buy them XYZ and paid half their driving lessons, they have been fed and clothed all their lives and had holidays and trips - things we didn’t have.

They all earn more than me now having paid for university (they can’t get loans where we live unless parents are on the bread line) that’s £10K a year each - so they can have a head start by not being in debt and get decent jobs.

I think I’ve earned the right to spend my own money now!! Yes I will go on holidays with my friends, I will have supper out when I feel like it!!

Any inheritance we get from parents won’t be much use to us when the house is paid for - so they can have some of that.

Believe me, they had had more than I ever did, bit they aren’t getting everything - I will not take away their independence, they self worth and their personal achievements as looking back I would’ve hated someone to take that from me

Again, ageism.

Nothing but apparently on mumsnet it makes you selfish and mean. No wonder we have a generation of snowflakes who expect everything handed to them on a plate. You only have to look at the threads berating grandparents for not providing childcare full time and free of charge on their only days off if still working. Personally I think expecting an inheritance is exceptionally grabby and a far worse attitude than anything I have seen from boomers. I certainly don’t think our generation have anything to feel superior about necessarily. There are good and bad parents in every generation and as long as child isn’t being abused then it’s none of anyone else’s business how others choose to parent.

Well, sure - but it doesn’t sound like they are suffering, and maybe when they’re kids were financially dependant on them they didn’t get to go on holiday much at all.

Disclaimer: I haven't read the whole thread, yet.
But, surely this isn't an age thing - more a personality/situation thing.
I'm Gen X. My husband is a boomer. Financially we're on the same page. Our choice was to pay for our kids uni fees/expenses. And give them a lump sum towards their weddings. TBH, we'd give them what we can if they need it, but not just so they get everything whenever they want it. And they don't want that anyway. They like to stand on their own feet, and I'm so happy that they can.
My mum and dad (apparently the silent generation - I had to look that up!) started with absolutely nothing. They did so well - not rich, but they did ok. They delighted in buying my first car, and would still give me money, if I asked. Which I don't. I'd rather they spend all their money, but they aren't of that mindset.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't feel like my mum and dad should give me the money they worked so hard for, unless it's an emergency. So on that basis, my children, as adults, should be happy for me to have some luxuries now too. Does that make sense?

Have you thought that maybe they are spending what little is left of the inheritance AFTER raising kids for two decades, paying for driving lessons/cars/gadgets, holidays, uni fees, a savings account, helping them with a home deposit.

Maybe just maybe they'd like a little bit for themselves before they die?!

Jeez. 🙄

So people are thinking that their parents should continue saving and making sure they don't spend any of their money that they have earned unnecessarily so that they can be more comfortable after their parents die?

And then they're saying it's because the parents are selfish.

It would be funny if it wasn't so entitled.