We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

I dont know any kids who get a free pass these days. Mine pay an extortionate rent and shop in lidl. If we can help them we do, but they never ask and never expect.

Thats the reality of most people i know.

In what way isn’t it? Do you think it’s malicious?

Children don't ask to be born

No one asks to be born, that doesn't entitle you to a lifetime of financial support, it entitles you to be supported until adulthood. Anything else is by mutual agreement.

@YesImawitch considering boomers have taken all the wealth so there is nothing for younger people it seems a fair view

But in the case the OP is quoting it's the parents SAYING they're spending the kids inheritance. I've heard plenty of older people say similar. And yes, it's tended to be almost a boast.
I don't really expect to inherit anything from my parents and that's fine. But I don't really think it's fine when parents are consciously TRYING to ensure there's nothing left for their kids.
I'm xennial too. I'm really worried about my kids future what with insane housing costs and global warming and everything. I'm trying as much as I can to ensure we have some savings to be able to help them at least a bit one day. Obviously that's hard though because unlike our parents generation we're both working full time just to cover the bills.
But yeah the generation above (at least in our family) don't really seem to give a shit about that.
I'm fact in-laws decided to upsize at retirement. Because who doesn't need a 6 bedroom house with massive garden for 2 adults and a dog??

I'd be more worried that they would need it for care. So that they have a choice with their care.

I think it very much depends on the parents. I know this is blunt but OP yours sound a bit rubbish. My parents are boomers and helped us through uni, house deposits, buying stuff to ‘set us up’ in life so if they now want to spend what they’ve got left on whatever they fancy I think that’s fair because they’ve more than adequately helped us to stand on our own two feet. The other extreme are relatives I have who after a lifetime of giving their time and money to their kids and grandkids, lived frugally in order to leave as much as they could to their family who didn’t look after them very well at all in their old age and then inherited a large amount they were generally considered wholly undeserving of by the rest of the extended family.

I agree with you. I’d go without for my kids.

None of us should expect an inheritance. If people have worked hard for their money, of course they should enjoy it and not just hoard it up to pass on to adult kids.

You don't 'try' to give, you just give. Not a big deal to know who her dentist is and go in there and pay for her.

I've posted this before on threads like this, but I think you feel very differently towards your kids when they're toddlers who adore you, Vs teens who hate you and adults who are out living their own lives with their own partners and families.

I think it's hard to know how you will feel about your grown up kids when they're still adorable little toddlers who hang on your every word! Most people's views seem to change as they grown up

Ageist generalisation

I think I may be a Boomer. I was born in the mid-Fifties, is that right? My parents did all they could to provide for me and my siblings, whilst having a relatively good life themselves (actually, I wonder, might this be a "class" thing, rather than a generational one? They were the professional (middle-class) children of servant class families, and I was the first in the family to go to university, but the rest of my generation of the family all went to university too.). Whilst they were alive, my parents always helped us when and where they could, with education and housing and emergencies, and when they died, they left us as much as they could, whilst having lived well themselves. We, in turn, have had well-paid professional jobs and have supported our children with their education and housing (and will do same for any grandchildren we might have) and intend to leave them a good amount, inflation, senility and nursing homes permitting, when we die. They are not living their lives waiting for us to die, though, nor unhappy that we might be "spending their inheritance". Maybe we're just lucky?

There are posters on here expressing unhappiness about not having a parent buy them a car, pay for driving lessons, start a savings account etc and there have been numerous other similar threads over the years. I would describe that as expecting a free pass.

In terms of your post, there’s nothing wrong with shopping in Lidl, it’s sensible budgeting not an indicator of poverty

I think some are misunderstanding what i’m
saying.

I absolutely want my parents to spend and enjoy the rest of their lives, I don’t care about any inheritance and am not a money minded person.

What I am talking about is how differently I feel and how different I am in my approach to things for my child and how I will prepare and save for things to help make her life easier on the path to adulthood. It hasn’t crossed my mind that she’ll have to fund her driving lessons herself, I’ve thought about university and the help she may need and a little further in life. I see all of this as being part of being a parent.

It’s their attitude that gets me cos you know they did it from scratch 🙄

I do think it’s a shame that some older generations don’t realise how much harder things are for the younger ones.

But we don’t know how much money we’re talking about, and we don’t know how much these people did sacrifice when their kids were young.

And inheritance can be a double edged sword, and can cause huge ructions, both before and after death. And of course there’s their future care to consider - better to save it to pay for themselves than to feel it’ll burden their children?

Oh yes! My brother bought her a lovely coffee machine, carefully chosen for her preferred brand of coffee. She gave it away, spends a fortune on holiday type stuff, and begrudges the teabag you use when you visit. I’d mind less if she didn’t try and use all the bits I take with me (coffee bags etc) so I can get by without using up her stuff!
She’s very keen to spend my money, very keen to avoid spending her money, keeps envelopes for the scrap paper, but spends a bomb on random junk and holidays.

I had to pay rent out of my weekly paper round money, i was 13 and my parent got family allowance for me! I even had to pay rent for home whilst paying rent living away at uni to keep a room. I also paid for all my own stuff. My parents were/are awful though. I think people are slightly missing the point of your op, its not about rights to an inheritance... people should spend their final years doing what makes them happiest in my view. It's about the attitude towards moaning and gloating about doing nothing for your children. Why not just keep your plans to yourself?

Growing up my parents could afford to put a bit aside for me, but they didnt. As a mum myself, I save for my children and want to help them when they reach adulthood. Having an attitude completely opposite of this seems bizarre to me especially when mine act like they did. In the same breath, though, I would expect my children to pay for 75% of their driving lessons. It has installed a very 'you want it, you work for it' attitude which is good I suppose

We often treat our adult DC and the DGC to meals out, holidays and paying for home improvements and when they thank us, we say it's OK, it's your inheritance! It's a joke!
Our attitude is we'd rather we enjoyed our money with them and it helps them while they have young families. Can you believe it, we're a pair of fucking, selfish boomers!

I think most parents think like you when they're kids are little/toddlers - but their attitude changes as their kids grown up

Shocking post. Be grateful for what they gave you, don't look into their purses, no business of yours. If they leave everything to you, be grateful, if they don't leave anything to you, also be grateful. Why are people preoccupied with other people's money. If you want to give everything to your dc, wonderful, if others don't, wonderful too. Is there nothing else, apart from resentment, to feel?

We're Boomers. I hate this 'Boomers are selfish' attitude. We've helped ours through University, paid for their driving lessons, given them deposits for their houses. We've also diverted my parents' bequests to them, so they had some cash to spend. We've taken them on family holidays, and frequently send them a bit of cash when we're feeling flush.

We're retired now, and will be spending as much as we want on ourselves. They know where we are if they're stuck, but hopefully they're independent now.

I'd still give them the shirt off my back if they needed it though.

I am an older Mumsnetter. I have supported my two kids through college. I am currently saving for a deposit for both of my children. Both earn well. In my view the rest of my savings and pension are mine and DH with any residue going to DCs. Morally, with the exception of a deposit, I have always been clear that DCs need to pay for their own lifestyle and choices and this is not something we will be doing. If DCs had health issues then we would look at stepping in, but otherwise I do not think it is helpful that the bank of mum and dad is still operating when DCs are in their 30s. Very often I see friends who are still supporting children, paying dental, phone and holidays.

I doubt if people stereotyping like this really "hate to say it" at all.