My very MC parents lived their lives without a thought or interest in us.
They offered zero support at key points when advice might have been hugely beneficial.
Despite being very comfortably off, we all had part time jobs from 13 to pay for our extras.
It definitely built resilience, but also huge detachment.
They were so surprised when they suddenly were interested in "family time/get togethers" and their children were not.
They actively avoided us as children and teens with their social lives.
Their circle died off and suddenly they felt inclined to our time.
Didn't happen.
Their children moved abroad with their careers and put down roots there.
I have had more regular contact with the darling mother of an old friend.
She was a truly lovely mum and I told her recently that the fact that her 4 children take her away twice a year on their own, without their spouses, is her parenting legacy.
Mind you, not all children grow into nice adults, some are very selfish and detach easily.
I have a friend with two such sons, nice normal lads, good careers, but just never find the time for their widowed mother since they finished university.
They live an hour away.
She doesn't guilt them, just has let them live their lives.
She might reach out once a month, by text, as they are so busy.
They go to their girlfriends for Christmas as its more buzzy.
Without discussion last year she sold her too large beautiful home for a lot of money.
She had their belongings boxed and delivered to their homes.
They hadn't been to visit more than twice briefly, in the previous 18 months.
She has differed buying as her best friends husband died suddenly and she has moved in to keep her company.
4 months on and they are getting on great.
Her friend's family are thrilled as it takes so much pressure off them as they are not living nearby.
She has privately said to me that she may stay with her friend and pay her rent, which would boost her friends income nicely and she can let her substantial money be a source of treats for them both.
Her old home had become a strain with maintenance and the boys have never so much as offered to cut the grass.
They were in contact when she told them the house was being put up for sale and not to worry that she would forward their few belongings that remained.
She found selling off the house contents really freeing and has a few boxes of sentimental stuff and a small beautifully in laid coffee table and a very comfortable chair.
That's it....it has definitely made me start thinking of downsizing our large home.
They know well that she has a lot of money sitting in the bank and has had more contact with them since the house sold than in the previous past 10 years.
They have been talking about coming to stay when previously they were easily able to do a round trip, she has suggested a local hotel as she will not be able to put them up.
She has seen more of her godson than of them.
Its all very strange.
She realises they may be concerned about their inheritance now that she has mentioned some long cruises she may take now that she is free of the ties of a house.
The thing about not seeing very much of your children, whilst very sad at times, you do get used to it, and she appears to have, after a decade.
Such a lovely gentle woman, hard to understand.
Some children are like that, she's just unlucky that both her boys are a bit self absorbed.
I think her never making any demands upon them may have inadvertently contributed to this, who knows.