Being naked in front of DP/DH

[SnowflakeSmasher86]

Are you comfortable being visibly naked in front of your partner? Would you be ok with the lights on/daylight etc and walk around with nothing on?

Or would you have a towel/underwear/a sheet over you?

i’m not bothered about my wobbly bits on a daily basis, and felt just the same way when I was several stone lighter, so I don’t see it as a body image thing as such, I juat wouldn’t walk around naked in front of him. He thinks this says something fundamental about our relationship.

YABU - I think its normal to feel 100% at ease walking about naked in front of my DP/DH

YANBU - I’d rather keep some things undercover and feel self conscious naked standing up and walking about the bedroom/house.

Same

My husband and I started as friends with benefits with no intentions of dating and one of the nice things I noticed was that I wasn’t constantly sucking in my tummy or making sure I was leaning back a bit if I was sat around naked. I didn’t expect him to last long so I wasn’t so bothered about his opinion! Weirdly made for a more open and trusting relationship than the ones I’ve had that started with proper dating and the emphasis on getting all dolled up for a date

I must admit, I find the idea of walking around naked all the time in your house - in front of your partner (like not even for a few minutes before or after a shower, but just regularly being butt naked) rather odd.

And it's REALLY odd (IMO,) to be walking around the house butt naked, in front of your children. I mean, the posters who claim to do this, do your husbands walk around naked too? REALLY?! I don't get this. I have never known anyone do this in real life.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I was of exactly the same opinion as those who don't care at one point.

I knew I wasn't perfect but I didn't really care. I thought i had a nice figure and I believed that confidence was attractive, I believed no man would be scrutinising me that much and I believed that if someome found me attractive, they wouldn't care. It was a slow dawning realisation over several years that I was quite wrong and that it wasn't just one an or two men or a few arseholes. But all of them.

It's not my own insecurities that have led me to where I am now (at one point, I was quite happy to wander around naked, dance naked, shower in front of someone) but a realisation that every single one of those men had a comment, an opinion, an observation, a suggestion, a criticism or some unsolicited advice changed it.

I'm still quite happy to walk around naked when I'm on my own. I like the feeling of being naked. I don't like the feeling of being scrutinised and found to be lacking.

I'm in my early 50s now and I still like what I see in the mirror. I'm a size 10/12 and i don't feel like time has been too hard on me. I like my figure but there's no way I'm putting myself in a position where a man can criticise me again.

“Walking around” naked in our house consists of about 5 mins max of nakedness in the morning because it’s too cold to be naked for much longer in the UK! We’re definitely comfortable with nudity in our household but we aren’t just hanging about freezing cold when we could be wearing clothes and be much warmer. We also don’t sit on furniture with bare arses for the sake of hygiene. It’s really only nipping about when getting dressed.

I think they must be pretty low if you’re with a partner you believe will recoil in horror at your naked body.

@AnAltogetherDifferentSortOfThing

it wasn't just one an or two men or a few arseholes. But all of them.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible. I'm
Not surprised you are burdened by this experience. Fortunately for me I've never had this in words or actions.

That’s up to you. My issue is that you were telling other women that their men also hate their bodies and projecting your own issues on to everyone else.

I’m sorry your experience has, for some reason, been solely with men who criticise your body. It’s clearly affected you negatively. But don’t state to other women that this is a universal norm, because it isn’t. It’s extremely unusual.

The sad part is that almost everyone who won’t be naked in front of their partner has cited self-hatred or criticism from others as the reason for that. It is absolutely saddening to think of women being so anxious and unhappy about themselves.

As for valuing ‘decency’ and ‘modesty’, what is ‘indecent’ or ‘immodest’ about walking from the bedroom to the bathroom naked in front of your own partner? I don’t get it.

There are people on here who won’t have sex unless their body hidden from their partner. Do you think it’s indecent or immodest for a man to catch a glimpse of the naked body of a woman they’re putting their penis into?

Nobody is suggesting that privacy isn’t important. I want privacy to go to the loo or change a tampon, sure. But when partner has literally had his face between my legs on a very regular basis for the past 20 years, I really can’t see how it would be an invasion of my privacy for him to see me starkers on the way out of the shower.

I only wear clothes when we have visitors. I hate doing laundry so aint no way I’m wearing clothes for no reason. He doesn’t wear clothes either. We’re both certified nudists.

Where did I say "decency," @ItGhoul

Reading comprehension is a very useful skill.

I don't walk about naked as such but will wander about naked after shower getting dressed ect.

I’ve realised that when his face is between my legs I cover my own face, sometimes with a pillow - probably because I can’t cover the rest of me at that point!

I’ve never really let anyone else do that at all, so it clearly isn't just my weight that makes me feel self conscious, its the whole vulnerability of my body being exposed.

I do wonder if its different when you’ve grown older and gone through changes together. A lot of posts saying “he's seen me give birth/poo myself/helped with my piles” etc Maybe if any of you found yourselves single and had to start dating in your 40s or 50s maybe you’d understand how I feel?

That is bizarre, how have you managed that? Genuinely curious, I literally hate my stretch marks and a little chub (from a pregnancy prior to this marriage) when we are intimate he sees it, if he comes into the bathroom when I’m having a shower he sees it, if we have to get changed in the same room he sees it. I used to hide my stomach in the early days because I was fearful what he would think of my stretch marks, wobbly bits and a huge c-section scar but it’s impossible for him to not see it now this far in. Couldn’t hide it if I tried

"I do wonder if its different when you’ve grown older and gone through changes together. A lot of posts saying “he's seen me give birth/poo myself/helped with my piles” etc Maybe if any of you found yourselves single and had to start dating in your 40s or 50s maybe you’d understand how I feel?"

They might be in for a rude awakening, too. It's far from every man who considers a woman leaping about laughing and shaking her wobbly excess flesh to be attractive. Let alone a partner flatulating and defecating with abandon, or being asked to inspect an asshole.

You don't like him looking! I would have thought you should be far more concerned if it were the opposite. I have been married for 45 years and I am still attracted to my wife's naked body, among other things. Being intimate in daylight out from under the covers is so much more exciting. You should know every square centimeter of your partners body because there is beauty everywhere.

Looking at most of these answers shows how many women are critical of their own bodies and embarrassed by them. That is a real shame. Don't hide from your husband because you don't like yourself, it does not mean he doesn't like your body. He should be actively telling you what he likes about it so give him the chance and have a discussion. If you want to improve things then do it together.

So maybe just wash the bed linen more....

How is feeling ashamed of your body equal to having standards? 😂

That's simple, don't get into relationships with or have sex with men who don't appreciate your body 100%.

I couldn’t imagine being married to someone if I wasn’t okay with him seeing me naked. I’ve gained around two and a half stone since we got married twelve years ago, and I’m not happy with that, but he’s my husband and he’s seen my body in all sorts of different conditions. Plus he definitely thinks I’m sexy and always makes appreciative comments when I’m changing clothes.

He’s gained some weight as well, and he’s sensitive to people’s feelings about their weight because he was a chubby kid until he went through puberty.

That made me laugh out loud. You are absolutely right 😂😂😂

I was 40 when I split with my ex, so yes I was (and still am) single and had to start dating again in my 40s. So yes I know exactly what it is like. I also had to rebuild my life and confidence after many years of abuse. I chose my next men carefully, and they were every inch the gentleman. I'm currently single as I'm concentrating on my career (and need to sort out my menopausal weight gain) but if a man doesn't find me attractive he isn't coming anywhere near me.

A good man doesn't make you feel bad about yourself. If the men you are sleeping with are making comments then you are choosing the wrong men. That is something only you can change.

Many many women start over again in their 40s and 50s. Many women have been through abuse and come out the other side. Your posts are now coming across like you're having a pity party.

Well I mean theirs appreciation and then there darling can you check my piles appreciation. I appreciate my husbands body, I have no desire to check his arsehole for piles.

If the men you are sleeping with are making comments then you are choosing the wrong men.

This sounds so easy doesn't it?

Choose differently.

I was dating one man for over a year. He was complaining one day that he'd put on a few pounds and said "But I know that doesn't make any difference to you. You wouldn't love me more if I lost it so I'm not really bothered" and leant over and kissed me. We spent most of our time in the house lounging around naked, wandering around naked, dancing together naked. We visited his family home in the mountains in Italy. There was no one around for miles, so we lay naked in the field, had sex in the field... I wasn't in any way inhibited.

And then, one day, quite out of the blue after not ever having commented on anything negatively at all until that point he said "You're really pretty, you know. But you'd look even better if you dropped a couple of kg. "

I was 9 and a half stone and a size 10.

I obviously ended it shortly afterwards and from there it just continued. There hasn't been a single man since who hasn't made a derogatory/negative/critical comment eventually. It's heartening to read that many ther women haven't had similar but, at the same time, I find it hard to believe (not that I think they are lying but it's just so far away from my experience).

None of them were first date comments. None of them were 'losers'. They all treated people with respect, were educated, otherwise kind and decent men who were good to me until that point. The point in our relationship where they, presumably, felt it was time for some home truths.

I've sometimes got the impression that they have seen me as confident and self assured and so thought I wouldn't be bothered by their critiques. Maybe they just expected me to take their advice on board or to take a criticism on the chin. Only a couple of times have I got the sense that it was deliberate cruelty.

Without sounding like a twat, I've never really had much difficulty attracting men. Not because I'm stunning but because I'm just attractive enough; I know what suits my body shape clothing wise; I don't wear much make up (but that's never been criticised) and my hair generally looks good. I'm early 50s and still attract 'admiring looks' when I go out. I eat well, drink lots of water and do most of the things I should. I look after myself generally but this just seems to invite it more. Or maybe it's just that, when the clothes are off, the reality doesn't match their expectations 🤷🏻‍♀️

Apparently, I'm lovely, pretty, beautiful, adorable, funny, witty, intelligent, kind, passionate, have a lovely shape - all things I've been told at some point by the same men who have then gone on to criticise, complain or compare.

I'm not going out with arseholes, ignoring blokey banter, laughing off early negativity. I don't tolerate men who criticise other women or comment on their appearance negatively. Maybe I'm just 'oversensitive' and other women would laugh off some of these comments but, over the years, it's just worn me down.

Without exception, every man I've dated has found some way to put me down based on my appearance. I've never been called "stupid" I suppose...

if a man doesn't find me attractive he isn't coming anywhere near me.

I mean, that's a no brainer but if you have no reason to think they don't until they tell you months down the line...