Partner changed their mind on cohabitation agreement

[NeatBiscuit]

My partner and I have been living together for 1.5 years. Prior to moving in together, we agreed to have a cohabitation agreement drafted by a lawyer because of our disparity in assets. While the agreement has been drafted, it has not been signed yet and it is therefore not legally binding.

I have politely and periodically reminded my partner about the agreement throughout the course of living with her. I told her that I would not "take the next step" with her in our relationship until we officialize the agreement. This is in terms of buying a home, getting married, having children, etc.

On Valentine's Day, we tried to be intimate together. The intimacy stopped when I wanted to use a condom. I wanted to use one because she is off birth control due to IVF/egg retrieval. Although the risk of pregancy is low due to ovulation cycles, it is still a possibility. Since then, she has reflected on that moment and has been thoroughly upset at me. She was upset that my decision for wanting to use a condom was driven by the unsigned agreement.

She told me that I put finances ahead of everything else. She also said that she has been working on reading the agreement and contacting her lawyer about it. While she has been doing that, I don't know where she stands with the terms in the agreement because we have yet to discuss it together.

Last night and while she was upset, she told me that she won't be signing it anymore. She said that she initially wanted to sign one as a "gift" to me but now thinks I don't trust her.

I feel mislead and betrayed. I wouldn't have moved in with her if she told me that from the start. Also, I've been extremely patient with her all this time. I was never pushy about the subject. I only brought it up when it came to the big, life altering decisions.

You're having IVF but you used a condom in case she got pregnant?

Yabu

What's the point of the cohabitation agreement if you planned to get married anyway? Marriage makes you financially and legally unified.

Using a condom despite having IVF to get pregnant?

She's having egg retrieval - nothing to do with OP. It's probably just her future proofing her fertility.

Leave her OP, you are not committed to this relationship. It sounds like she's just after your money if you can't secure your own savings.

She is going through the egg retrieval only part. I am not yet involved in IVF with her but would be if we conceive together.

Why did you move in together before she signed it, if it is that important to you?

And like others said, if you are planning on marrying, there is surely no need for it.

What’s in the agreement exactly?

Im struggling to see why one would be needed if you don’t have DC and presumably haven’t bought the house together - if you had, you’d have set up a deed of trust surely?

A cohabitation agreement turns into a marriage contract upon getting married. It is essentially the same as a prenup.

Agreement or not you are perfectly entitled to say no to unprotected sex if you're not ready for a child

You wanted her to sign before moving in, but then let her move in without signing which seems like a mistake.

I’m very confused about her doing ivf without you?

she’s entitled to be upset that you want a prenup and don’t want a baby with her.
you’re entitled to prioritise your assets and not have unprotected sex. But both those choices are going to upset the other and you don’t really sound like you’re in a partnership.

Well, it looks like you need to split up then. You aren't married so regardless of who's paid what, if it's your name on the deeds then you can just ask her to move out again. She'd need to prove she's done work on your place the last 18 months to add value or that she has been paying off your mortgage rather than just her share of bills.
You've come to a stalemate here. Less cruel to let it carry on to be honest.

There was a similar thread a few weeks ago but it was the woman in your position. General consensus was to ensure her finances were ring fenced and not to take the risk. Its not a nice position for either party to be in but sometimes that's just the way life is. 1.5 years isn't a long relationship either and you don't have to explain to anyone why you want to wear a condom!

She's backing out on an agreement, that's not great but you presumably love each other and need to talk. Nobody here can tell you what the right outcome should be.

If you're in the UK and want to protect assets, you're best off staying unmarried as prenups are not always binding.

Actually Op, I'd take this as a warning. You've trusted her commitment and moved in as planned, but she hasn't kept her side of the bargain. Whatever her reasons, she's misled you. It now looks suspiciously like she's willing to push your relationship to another level by getting pregnant, which you clearly haven't agreed to.
You haven't said who is bringing the highest value assets into the situation, but I guess that one of you has a lot more than the other, and that's the reason for your drafted agreement.

I'd think twice about how to proceed, whether to stay or go.

Where are you based? I thought prenups weren't binding in the UK especially if one party isn't happy about signing (as she doesn't appear to be). She clearly wants kids and you don't seem to be 'there' in terms of commitment so probably best to part ways and let her have a chance at finding someone fully on board.

"I wouldn't have moved in with her if she told me that from the start."
Op moved in with his girlfriend.

It isn't a prenup.

This makes no sense to me. You’re both intending to fertilise the eggs with your sperm, no?

If you're in the UK and want to protect assets, you're best off staying unmarried as prenups are not always binding.

This. Just don't accept any money from her towards your assets and keep her as just a girlfriend.
Marriage is best for the lower earner, or two equals. You want to keep all your assets, so best stay legally single.

Maybe she's having some medical treatment that could damage her eggs or something and she wants kids further down the line

If I had a cohabitation agreement, I wouldn't be letting them move in until it was signed tbh.
Obviously I don't know what the terms are but she's agreed to it and now changed her mind.

Is the property you are living in, joint names? As in both names on the deeds/mortgage? If the property is in your name and it's only you paying the mortgage, then unless she could prove she was contributing to the mortgage, then again, she would have no claim on your home. If the property is jointly owned, then surely you would have ring-fenced any deposit you contributed at the time of purchase? If jointly owned, she would be entitled to a percentage of the profit, if the property were to be sold. If you marry, a Co-habitation Agreement, becomes void anyhow. Once you marry any assets you bring to the marriage are classed as 'joint assets' if you were to divorce. At the moment you aren't married, she's not legally entitled to any of your assets. You should have insisted the Co-habitation Agreement was signed and witnessed prior to moving in with each other. It seems to me, that your partner has been dragging her heels. I suspect she never wanted the agreement in the first place, and only agreed to it, to keep you happy. If she refuses to sign such an agreement, and you are bringing much more to the table in assets, than she is, I suggest you seek legal advice, if you're worried. There is nothing wrong in wanting to protect yourself financially. It may feel rather unromantic, but in all honesty if money is not her motivation, then signing an agreement shouldn't matter to her. It means you're both protected if the relationship should end.

You need to un-cohabit. She appears to be untrustworthy, agreeing, not signing, now saying the deal is off?

Have you purchased a house in both names? If so, Tenants in common on unequal basis or joint tenants?

D'oh.
It's very simple then OP.
Move out.

What does the agreement state?