To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

SpottyPotties · 2025-02-17T00:14:19+00:00

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15). When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults. As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this. Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition). The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us. I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult? DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/02/2025 00:18

Not unreasonable to split per person if everybody has had an adult’s meal and eaten a similar amount, even if some in the group are children or teens. Obviously in a case where there is a cheap kids menu and they haven’t ordered an adults meal it would be different, but in your scenario you were not being unreasonable.

healthybychristmas · 17/02/2025 00:19

The problem is that when someone like him starts to insist on doing it in particular way, it nearly always advantages them

PullTheBricksDown · 17/02/2025 00:25

Of course they were annoyed. They thought they could make their bill cheaper. Sometimes the thing a situation looks like is exactly what it is. You'll be prepared next time.

Original poster

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:26

Thanks for your replies. I was beginning to wonder if I’d missed something, but I really can’t see any logic where his family consuming 4 adult meals should only pay for 2 of them.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/02/2025 00:27

Yeah you’re brother was trying to pull a fast one - you don’t say “oh per adult” when your DC are teens eating as much as anyone and someone else happens to have a just 18 year old. Esp when that family have been counting their child as an adult since they starting having adult meals.

They were unhappy about it because their little play didn’t work.

well done for standing your ground! People like that rely on others not wanting to cause a scene.

Enough4me · 17/02/2025 00:28

He's a cheeky f**ker. I'm glad you stood up for your family, you don't need to subsidise them.

TheSmallAssassin · 17/02/2025 00:29

In situations like this, it is much easier/fairer if people just pay for what they ate and drank.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/02/2025 00:31

TheSmallAssassin · 17/02/2025 00:29

In situations like this, it is much easier/fairer if people just pay for what they ate and drank.

This is the other option but just takes a little more effort

Vaxtable · 17/02/2025 00:31

In future just do bills per family. Job done

Mum2So · 17/02/2025 00:31

All families are different, I know, but when it comes to my family, we all take turns paying. Sometimes my parents take care of the bill. Sometimes my siblings pay for everyone (we all have children). Other times, my DH or I pay for everyone. I wouldn't ever insist on counting minors v adults and who ate what, etc. However, none of us need to watch what we spend, but if we did I am sure we would simply not attend dinner and go the next time. My siblings all have more children than I do, but I would never dream of calculating what they ate or drank. We're a tight family - and yes, we have our fallouts at times - but I love every one of them and it's a pleasure to all be together, and that's priceless (but worth paying for!).

Aqz · 17/02/2025 00:34

Awful behaviour.
I would be mortified if family did that.
Well done for not tolerating such shabby cheap behaviour.

Nothing worse than family who will try to rip off other family members.

Well done OP.

Next time, pay per family.

Original poster

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:36

Mum2So · 17/02/2025 00:31

All families are different, I know, but when it comes to my family, we all take turns paying. Sometimes my parents take care of the bill. Sometimes my siblings pay for everyone (we all have children). Other times, my DH or I pay for everyone. I wouldn't ever insist on counting minors v adults and who ate what, etc. However, none of us need to watch what we spend, but if we did I am sure we would simply not attend dinner and go the next time. My siblings all have more children than I do, but I would never dream of calculating what they ate or drank. We're a tight family - and yes, we have our fallouts at times - but I love every one of them and it's a pleasure to all be together, and that's priceless (but worth paying for!).

I’m glad you’ve got something that works for you.

This situation isn’t about anyone watching the pennies, and I expect if we did a similar thing, DB would splash out on a McDonalds when it was his turn to pay and book somewhere with a 7 course tasting menu when it was someone else’s turn!

OP posts:

latetothefisting · 17/02/2025 00:37

I mean, you were probably right in this instance but I don't think the 'split by adults' thing was a particularly fair way of doing it long term.

If I read it right, out of the 7 adults, one of your DB's doesn't have any kids? So he (and your parents) have been subsiding up to 3 kids for 6-7 meals a year for 18 years? You say it's 'only' £6.99 per child but does that include drinks, desserts as well? Even if it's a small amount, 7 meals a year for nearly 2 decades is still going to add up to a few hundred quid. Seems a bit unfair, and not really sure why your parents and brother should pay for your DC.

Just paying per family would have been fairer (so you pay for your 3 meals, DB2 pays for their 4 meals, DP and DB1 pay for themselves). Or if you want to just do the 'divide per adults' thing just do it between your family and DB2's and leave the adults without kids out of it.

So tbh it does seem a bit cheeky to be up in arms and refuse to pay the very first time you ever feel you were being set up to 'overpay' when 3 of the 7 adults have been overpaying (and subsidising you!) for years

Emma6cat · 17/02/2025 00:40

Omg,! I just couldn't be arsed going out for a meal to go through with this palaver at the end. Hardly a joyous occasion. Just split the bill per family.

Original poster

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:42

latetothefisting · 17/02/2025 00:37

I mean, you were probably right in this instance but I don't think the 'split by adults' thing was a particularly fair way of doing it long term.

If I read it right, out of the 7 adults, one of your DB's doesn't have any kids? So he (and your parents) have been subsiding up to 3 kids for 6-7 meals a year for 18 years? You say it's 'only' £6.99 per child but does that include drinks, desserts as well? Even if it's a small amount, 7 meals a year for nearly 2 decades is still going to add up to a few hundred quid. Seems a bit unfair, and not really sure why your parents and brother should pay for your DC.

Just paying per family would have been fairer (so you pay for your 3 meals, DB2 pays for their 4 meals, DP and DB1 pay for themselves). Or if you want to just do the 'divide per adults' thing just do it between your family and DB2's and leave the adults without kids out of it.

So tbh it does seem a bit cheeky to be up in arms and refuse to pay the very first time you ever feel you were being set up to 'overpay' when 3 of the 7 adults have been overpaying (and subsidising you!) for years

Edited

I think the split by adults thing was initiated by DPs.

I see your point, but I don’t drink, so probably, DB1 having a bottle of wine when we go out has cancelled out my DCs kids meals over the years. I’m never going to quibble over someone having steak or dessert or an extra drink, but expecting 2 whole meals split amongst everyone else just seemed a step too far.

OP posts:

DNAwrangler · 17/02/2025 00:45

surely everyone has been ripping your DB1 off for years?!

Original poster

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:47

DNAwrangler · 17/02/2025 00:45

surely everyone has been ripping your DB1 off for years?!

DB is the biggest drinker amongst us, so I’m sure he’s at least broken even over the years!

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/02/2025 00:47

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:42

I think the split by adults thing was initiated by DPs.

I see your point, but I don’t drink, so probably, DB1 having a bottle of wine when we go out has cancelled out my DCs kids meals over the years. I’m never going to quibble over someone having steak or dessert or an extra drink, but expecting 2 whole meals split amongst everyone else just seemed a step too far.

Show quote history

My parents tend to initiate that too, when my kids were little.

Thing is, my kids are also 16 and 10 (almost 11). The youngest has not long started ordering an adult meal. I would be mortified now to suggest I didn’t pay for their meals as an adult share of the bill! They’re eating as adults!

And tbh with the price of soft drinks these days, it doesn’t make their bill much cheaper than adults drinking wine.

Edit - if not clear I was agreeing with what you’re saying

OneFineDay13 · 17/02/2025 00:49

Cheeky git! Well done for saying something

ForZanyAquaViewer · 17/02/2025 00:53

Mum2So · 17/02/2025 00:31

All families are different, I know, but when it comes to my family, we all take turns paying. Sometimes my parents take care of the bill. Sometimes my siblings pay for everyone (we all have children). Other times, my DH or I pay for everyone. I wouldn't ever insist on counting minors v adults and who ate what, etc. However, none of us need to watch what we spend, but if we did I am sure we would simply not attend dinner and go the next time. My siblings all have more children than I do, but I would never dream of calculating what they ate or drank. We're a tight family - and yes, we have our fallouts at times - but I love every one of them and it's a pleasure to all be together, and that's priceless (but worth paying for!).

Oh, for goodness sake.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/02/2025 00:53

There shouldn't be a distinction between child and adult at this stage as nobody is eating a four quid kids meal.

Each family should either pay for their own items individually, or if it's split then it's evenly between each person, with parents paying their kids share also if they're under working age.

I don't think it's right for one person to declare the bill being split in any other way than that.

Next time just up front say, we'll just pay for our own meals. Nobody reasonable would have a problem with that surely. Unless they're trying to rip you off.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 17/02/2025 00:54

I’m just pleased you actually said something, OP. There are SO MANY threads where the OP was apparently ‘too shocked to respond’ and they are all very irksome.

DoItBetter · 17/02/2025 00:58

When did it change to splitting the bill per person? I can see it would look a bit suspicious if it's only changed since your son stopped being a child. Basically he was 'free' as a kid but now he isn't it looks like you don't want your siblings kids to be 'free'

I think it's best for families to pay for themselves and their own kids. Kids meals plus drinks add up and why should your DB1 help pay for them.

What do you do for Xmas presents?

Myotherusernameiswaybetter · 17/02/2025 01:00

I would only go to eat at place that will do split bills or that you pay as your order.

Original poster

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 01:07

DoItBetter · 17/02/2025 00:58

When did it change to splitting the bill per person? I can see it would look a bit suspicious if it's only changed since your son stopped being a child. Basically he was 'free' as a kid but now he isn't it looks like you don't want your siblings kids to be 'free'

I think it's best for families to pay for themselves and their own kids. Kids meals plus drinks add up and why should your DB1 help pay for them.

What do you do for Xmas presents?

As soon as DS started eating adult meals, we paid for him. And as I’ve said above DB1 will almost always have more to drink when we’re out, so I think he comes out of it pretty well!

I’m not sure why Christmas is relevant, but everyone gets a present from each family unit, according to their own budget. Unsurprisingly, DB2 tends to spend less on everyone else than we all spend on his family! I tend to spend a bit more on DB1.

OP posts: