To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

[SpottyPotties]

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

Even in the scenario of children having the children’s meals in my family it’s usual that parents pay for their DCs’ meals.

This is why I hate eating out in a big group! If I'm with a group of friends, I prefer to pay for my own meal. If I was with my children and my brother's family, I'd pay for my family and he'd pay for his.

And everyone clapped.

Well done you for saying something here. That was really rude of them!

How did the conversation go?

I think when it starts getting awkward like this just say where paying for our own family

Because it's in some people's nature to be like that. They feel the "need" to feel superior, not realizing they just look like jackholes. 🙄

There are always a few, everywhere. 😉

I apologize for my above post @beenonthebox I hadn't refreshed the page so missed this post and replied before I did.

I hope you are feeling better now. Just getting over Covid here and pretty sure I've left my lungs up into my ears.

Huh?
family A: 4 people, pays for their 4 meals
family B: 6 people, pays for their 6 meals
family C: 2 people, pays for their 2 meals
etc
Not, split the bill evenly by 12 and then pay one share per person in each family. Just pay the actal amount of the meal/drinks each member if your own family had.

Well done OP for standing up to DB. It seems like he's got form for being CF so be consistent in reining him in.

In your situation I would have done split per family from the outset. They sound mean and penny pinching. In our family everyone is so keen to pay we regularly have a Mrs Doyle situation and it’s not unknown for money to be sent back and forth online.

These are not random families they are all one family.

So previous maybe grandparents don't mind paying more and subsiding their kids and grandkids. Same with the childless brother - cheaper paying a bit towards nieces and nephews at a big meal then taking them out himself.

I agree with you that now everyone is on adult meals it needs a rethink. We normally do some sort of rounding up/ down thing depending on who had the most expensive meals/ wine.

This
And this is why it is often advisable to have enough cash to pay for your own family group including drinks and tips.

Couple of years ago BIL decided to arrange a lunch date for 6 of us on what would have been their late dad's birthday - no problem with that and it was agreed from the outset that we would go dutch. However, BIL and partner both had 3 courses plus countless drinks and then miraculously had forgotten his wallet. The other couple (he had also got no money, surprise surprise) and us two just had 2 courses and one drink each. Therefore my OH and I were left to foot the very big bill - the other two couples assured us they would send their money over via Internet banking when they got home - we are still waiting.

I will help anyone who is on the bones of their arse, but I will not tolerate a freeloader who I know can afford to pay but forgets to pay.

How much difference did it make to your bill?

We have 1 chijd, sil/bil have 1 child. When we go out as a group with Pil we just she lit the bill three ways. If we had more kids than sil we would pay more.

These days it's more about the per adult meal than the age of the children as it's not 8..99 any longer

You are very out of touch.

I’m on the fence, yes he was cheeky, but you clearly went many years with your parents and other brothers partially paying for your kids, and didn’t seem to take issue, you’ve only taken issue when you had to pay more.

maybe cut from the same cloth?

Splitting the bill only works if all diners genuinely don't mind the possibility of overpaying for the sake of convenience. I.e. if the time spent working out what everyone owes is not worth the amount you might save by doing this and there isn't going to be resentment because Sue didn't have a starter; Bill had the fillet steak; Jenny only had a salad and a glass of water; Bob had three courses, a side and and four pints of beer ...

It doesn't sound like that is the case here, particularly with the complication of 'paying per adult' while having DC in the mix who might or might not be eating the equivalent of an adult meal, so paying for what you had is the obvious way forward.

Each family should pay for their own group of people.

Is it so difficult for your family to each tot up the costs of what you've had, using the prices listed in the menu? Surely this is what most families do who want to pay fairly when in diverse family groupings with kids etc.
You just sit and spend 5 min at the end working out what you owe, it's quite basic maths?

As soon as DCs start eating adult meals, then that's when bill paying split needs to change.

We had this as we have one DC and went on holiday with two other families with 2 DCs each. When they were little I was happy enough to split the bills 3 ways when we went out, but when their DCs started drinking multiple cans of coke and eating adult portions of moules frites, whilst DS ( a simple soul at the time) was still on water and a children's meal, it would have been nice if they had suggested a different split of the bill rather than leaving me in exasperation to eventually mention it.

Dpends what alcohol was involved too

The problem is children’s meals are often very small (my toddlers eat them) so I can see that a 20 year boy wouldn’t want that. A lot of places only allow them if you are under 12 or 10 anyway.
And if people are getting desserts it’s pretty normal for a 10 year old to want one and get one.

UGH! It sounds like you've had a nice vibe going for years with everybody getting a fair deal and now your CF greedy DB2 and SIL are ruining it all.

I have 2 little children so normally class them as 1 person when it comes to splitting bills