To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

[SpottyPotties]

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

I agree. It takes me very little time, given an itemized bill, to work out each person's costs. It's certainly quicker and less fuss than arguing about who's going to pay for what!

Why can't people just pay for whatever they and their household members eat? What is this expectation when dining out that other people should contribute for someone else's food be it a child's dessert or someone else choosing a more expensive dish? Just be prepared to pay for whatever you and your household eat.

Skint person here, but when finances allow I wouldn't consider buying some of nieces and nephew's food as an affront. Often when we're out we pay according to who has the funds rather than who ate what. DM will say I'll pay half if she's having a good week, or we'll get everyone's if work is going well. None of us drink though so there's no ten quid gins being sunk.

But you can absolutely split the bill with a phone calculator in 2 mins. We have a designated bill splitter (SIL) for when there's loads of us and then everyone chucks a bit extra in for a tip.

Your brother is a cf. if he wanted to exclude paying for his kids who are adult meals, they should also have counted your son as a child! He can’t have it both ways…

Either splitting per adult or per person is fine, but all kids-who-have-an-adult-size-meal should be in the same category as eachother so yanbu.

But a general rule is to never go to a restaurant with someone you wouldn't be happy to buy a meal for without agreeing beforehand to have separate bills.

It’s not more effort really, when ordering you just ask can we have a separate bills please

Did you ever remind him he hadn't paid though? I would have done!

Your brother is a CF. He reminds me of a relative who always orders steak or lobster when everyone else is having spag bol.

Big family meals are about the company not the food. Splitting the bill only really works if everyone has the same type of meal, or if the steak-eating outlier owns it.

At that age they eat an adult meal whether or not they are adults. In my family we take turns paying and it evens out over time. My DF would always want to pay. But we don't have someone cheeky like your DB who expects others to subsidise his DCs dinner. And like with all CF they know full well their DC are eating their fair share.

He thought this only adults pay thing would last until at least his DC were adults.

We had a family meal recently and took my 2 year old. I didn’t like the kids menu and she had an adult salmon and veg. We paid for three adult meals and wouldn’t have expected otherwise!

I’ve never understood why people don’t just run separate tabs. We will pay for our families food. You pay for yours?

2 things and this is my perspective

1. If you've always historically paid for children it's cheeky that only your children benefited.
2. Unless it's tight financially I would love to pay for my niece's and nephews as it would bring me pleasure.

Everything is context

You are clearly missing the context. OP made it clear from the start that as soon as her child switched to eating adult meals he was counted as an adult. Her brothers kids are now ordering adult meals therefore they count as adults.
OP is not being hypocritical or cheeky, she's being fair.

Is it just coincidence that the one with the biggest mouth, or biggest appetite, or biggest drinks bill, always seems to be the one declaring how the bill should be divided?

Well you need to take into account that for a very long time the op was more than happy for her parents and childless bro to pay partially for her kids, she’s only found her objection when she’s paying more.

Your brother was being a cheeky fucker and it’s good that you nipped it in the bud.

You were right and the fact they were annoyed suggests they were quite happy to take advantage so don't worry about it!

Noted.

Just agree to everyone paying for what they've had

You are right to call him out. I think your rule of paying for adults is where the wording is confusing though, as most kids meals only go up to around 10 years anyway.
The best way is to split the bill per family and that is what I would say going forward. Only pay for what your children eat. It's up to the brother whether he then lets the children order lots of drinks and hot chocolate and see whether if when he has to pay for it all what they order is significantly reduced.
Unless people generally have the same, bill splitting never works and it's better for all to just pay for what they had.

No we don't. OP has made it clear that her parents initially came up with the idea to cover kids as a group. OP has stated that ber childless sibling tended to drink more so it more or less evened out. They all have mouths, if they had a problem with it they could have said it, the fact they didn't makes it a redundant point.

They may be slightly more now but children's menus are rarely more than £10 and usually include a drink and dessert.

It's about the same cost as a large glass of wine and scarcely worth quibbling over.

Adult meals in most places are at least £15-20 and soft drinks are very pricey these days often £4/5.

It would make a big dent to a shared bill in a way that a fixed child's menu genuinely wouldn't.

Same here, we stopped going out with siblings and nieces and nephews for dinner as they used to split the bill per adult but some of us only had 1 or 2 children whereas others had 3 or some would have the dearest steak on the menu or 3 courses and end up paying the same as others.

The obvious solution is next time split it per adult meal, rather than per adult.

We always used to split evenly between couples when we went out with ILs. Started to get a bit hacked off with it though as we were always paying for more than we’d actually had.
Then one time at the end of the meal SIL announced that we’d be splitting by person and that as we had 4 dc we’d be paying the most. DP put his foot down and said it wasn’t fair and we weren’t going to be paying that much more than our share and SIL1 got really annoyed and kept saying we had more people so it was fair. We split it 3 ways in the end to make it easier. The next time we were trying to arrange a meal out SIL1 made a comment about dp being tight and causing unnecessary issues over the bill but BIL2 uploaded the receipt from the previous meal and broke it down as below with the comment “not as tight as you might think” which I think made her realise that she’d still had quite good deal!

Us:
3x adult main meals 2@ £14.95, 1@£18.95
3 x soda @£2.30
3x kids meals @£6.95
2x adult pudding @£5.75

SIL1:
1 starter @£6.50
5x adult main meals [email protected] 1@£12.95 1@£18.95
3x g&t @£8
3x hot chocolate @3.50
1 bottle of wine @19.50
6 x bottled soft drinks @£3.35
1 mocktail @£6.50
5 x dessert @£5.75

SIL2
2 x starters @£6.50
4x adult mains 3 @£14.95 1@£18.95
3 x dessert @£5.75
3x g&t @£8
2x hot chocolate@£3.50
1 bottle of wine @£19.50
1 ale @£6
1 soda @£2.30
1 Prosecco @£6
1 spirit @£7