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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

229 replies

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:14

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

OP posts:
ringsandthings · 19/02/2025 16:14

Your brother is taking the absolute PISS. How embarrassing for him.

PurpleThistle7 · 19/02/2025 16:22

It's a silly situation to end up in - you definitely let this drag on too long but you should come up with a better plan now that the kids are getting older - split bills is the obvious answer. You said it's mostly the other people drinking anyway so they can sort that out amongst themselves.

BuildbyNumbere · 20/02/2025 11:40

If you’re that worried suggest everyone pays for what they have next time.

BuildbyNumbere · 20/02/2025 11:44

SpottyPotties · 18/02/2025 17:16

When you say split per family, do you mean you split the bill equally between each family group, whether there are 1 or 4 people in the group? Or you add up what you’ve had and pay your family group bill?

If you mean the former, I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting single DB1 pay the same as us with 2 incomes feeding 3 people.

If you mean the latter, that’s pretty much what we’ve done up until this weekend.

Either way, I can’t say I’d need for a blood pressure pill, but I might need a calculator because I can’t do long division in my head!

Show quote history

Not sure working out a restaurant bill is classed as long division!! 🤣 And you have a calculator on your phone.
Why do people ask for opinions from others on here and then argue and get het up when it’s different to the answer they want?!?! 🤷🏻‍♀️
You obviously think you are in the right so why are you asking on here??

RaveToTheGrave1 · 20/02/2025 11:51

I hate splitting, please just let me pay for my stuff and go 😂

Newbie8918 · 20/02/2025 11:53

latetothefisting · 17/02/2025 00:37

I mean, you were probably right in this instance but I don't think the 'split by adults' thing was a particularly fair way of doing it long term.

If I read it right, out of the 7 adults, one of your DB's doesn't have any kids? So he (and your parents) have been subsiding up to 3 kids for 6-7 meals a year for 18 years? You say it's 'only' £6.99 per child but does that include drinks, desserts as well? Even if it's a small amount, 7 meals a year for nearly 2 decades is still going to add up to a few hundred quid. Seems a bit unfair, and not really sure why your parents and brother should pay for your DC.

Just paying per family would have been fairer (so you pay for your 3 meals, DB2 pays for their 4 meals, DP and DB1 pay for themselves). Or if you want to just do the 'divide per adults' thing just do it between your family and DB2's and leave the adults without kids out of it.

So tbh it does seem a bit cheeky to be up in arms and refuse to pay the very first time you ever feel you were being set up to 'overpay' when 3 of the 7 adults have been overpaying (and subsidising you!) for years

Edited

You saved me typing! Agree with all of this!

ThatsNotMyTeen · 20/02/2025 11:54

I’d have said “I think ours came to xx” and then left that plus a bit extra on top for tip.

KarmenPQZ · 20/02/2025 11:56

split per adult where you define an adult as someone who ordered an adult meal.

Newbie8918 · 20/02/2025 12:04

ringsandthings · 19/02/2025 16:14

Your brother is taking the absolute PISS. How embarrassing for him.

But what about the other childless brother and grandparents who have been subsiding all of the children’s meals for years (until the eldest got an adult meal)?

And I assume, if the family have been doing this for years DB and SIL subsided their 18yo nephew before they even had kids?

Its the 1st time that the OP is now effectively ‘childless’ but expected to pay for someone else’s kids and they were annoyed, when everyone else at the table has done it and sucked it up before.

I get that the younger kids had a decent meal but trivialising every meal the 18yo had as a £6.99 meal before is very day, rings untrue.

My family have a saying….’it all works itself out in the end’ and we all have the grace to make sure it eventually does.

My BIL picked up steaks for me last week and wouldn’t take any money. I picked up (upon request) a bottle of spirits when en route to theirs as they had forgotten. They tried to pay me, I said absolutely not and reminded them of the steaks! I am glad that we do it this way rather than arguing about a couple of pounds in front of children when we can all afford it!

MystyLuna · 20/02/2025 12:11

I really don't get why people make going out for a meal so complicated and why it causes so many arguments.
So much easier and simpler for everyone to just pay for their own meals.
Restaurants are more than capable of providing separate bills.
I once went out for a meal with almost 50 people and each individual family group had their own bills.
Some restaurants even prefer providing different people with different bills because they may get more tips.
If they provide one bill they usually just get one tip. If they provide 5 different people with 5 separate bills they may get 5 tips.

wisebear · 20/02/2025 12:13

Whenever we go out for family meals or any meal we pay for what we have ordered - nothing more nothing less

YesImawitch · 20/02/2025 12:37

My BIL did this
Encouraged his almost adult 4 DC to order all the extras etc

BIL/SIL 4 DC
DH and I
Said oh we will split between adults ie 50/50
So I went to pay first and paid for mine and DH
He was looking all smug 😁until he realised what I had done and he had to pay for 6 meals including all the extra garlic bread and ice cream sundaes he had encouraged them to order
🤣

Redburnett · 20/02/2025 12:57

Honestly this sort of thing is not worth falling out with family over. I still recall being out for an extended family meal, agreeing to split bill equally on a per person basis and adults agreeing to have one of the set meal options at a fixed price, but then the precious little teenager didn't like any of the set meal options so was allowed by parents to choose more expensive a la carte, and I was put firmly in my place when I commented unfavourably on subsidising her......I concluded it really wasn't worth rocking the boat.
PS precious little teen is now just as precious as an adult.....still getting things her own way oblivious to anyone else's opinions

Colacubegirl · 20/02/2025 13:00

Unpopular opinion but I hate “splitting the bill”

Unless I am with a group of friends where we have a set course and a drink each and it’s fair, I hate going for meals with people purchase more food or drinks that others and still expect a fair split.

If the kids had hot chocolates, extra food and adult meals then their parents should pay.

next time you all just pay for what you owe / have eaten

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 20/02/2025 13:10

You all just pay for what you owe, end of story. There are apps for that if you're really all that lazy.

FormidableMizzP · 20/02/2025 13:52

NBU at all! Well done for speaking up, DB was clearly happy when you started paying up for DC. Your DB is going to have to get used to his DC costing him more as they've become adults - now is good a time as any.

Budgetconscious2 · 20/02/2025 14:06

@SpottyPotties YADNBU

Pherian · 20/02/2025 20:11

He was being cheeky. Next time just get separate checks. Then no discussion about meals or costs.

Snugs10 · 21/02/2025 02:22

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 02:26

But how do you split the bill? Surely it must take an absolute age to go through the bill and start adding up how many drinks people had etc

I’m not quibbling about a few quid or a tenner here and there, but I am quibbling about the extra £100 DB should have paid for his DC without initially expecting others to cover it.

Show quote history

You make note what you spent and when the bill comes you either put cash down or ask x amount to be taken from your card most restaurants are used to this nowadays

Alwaytired44 · 21/02/2025 08:21

Emma6cat · 17/02/2025 00:40

Omg,! I just couldn't be arsed going out for a meal to go through with this palaver at the end. Hardly a joyous occasion. Just split the bill per family.

But why should the brother with no kids pay the same as the brother with a wife and 2 kids. How is that fair??

Trixiefirecracker · 21/02/2025 08:41

Tills are very clever these days. Takes a minute to split the bill per family or per person or however you want to do it. You can pay for exactly what your family had and it takes seconds to do it. I would do that from now on.

YesImawitch · 21/02/2025 10:34

Trixiefirecracker · 21/02/2025 08:41

Tills are very clever these days. Takes a minute to split the bill per family or per person or however you want to do it. You can pay for exactly what your family had and it takes seconds to do it. I would do that from now on.

Edited

Exactly this
Tell the server what you had
2 steaks, 1 Scampi, 3 diet cokes and they take that off the bill and then the next person pays for what they had.
It's not difficult
The only people who kick off are those hoping someone else will pay for their kids or their choices!

Picklelily99 · 21/02/2025 10:58

Just have separate bills, it's so much easier.

Wicked123 · 21/02/2025 13:48

SpottyPotties · 17/02/2025 00:26

Thanks for your replies. I was beginning to wonder if I’d missed something, but I really can’t see any logic where his family consuming 4 adult meals should only pay for 2 of them.

We’ve always done this too, but since my daughter (age 14) started eating from the adult menu and having at least two courses we always insisted on counting her when splitting the bill!! YANBU !!

GoldBeautifulHeart · 21/02/2025 16:09

In future, just pay exactly what you and your kids have had. No quibbles then.

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