To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

[SpottyPotties]

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

There’s a few places now that have qr Codes on the table and you can tick off your food and drink and pay from your phone. Very handy. I hate waiting around for bills, I think I have a forgettable face because the waiters always forget 🤣

It takes about 30 seconds per family. Or you tell the waiter what you had and ask them to charge for that.

Or split the bill minus the kids meals/booze and then add the kids meals/booze to whoever needs to pay for them.

Well I remember that as I was the last person to pay at Wagammas I somehow ended up paying something stupid like 50p more than my cola should have cost me...at the time I was too hungry to think of posting it on here, and was frantically googling "Where is the nearest Greggs?". Anyway, I'd gone for the pleasure of the company I was with, which was the main thing.

Kids or no kids I dislike splitting the bill. Somebody will always come off worse/better especially if it's a one off. If you go out with the same dynamics regularly it tends to even out somewhere but with kids it's difficult as they get older.

Personally I cannot afford bill splitting and I'd just rather pay for what I had. You'll be surprised at those who you think 'don't have money issues' are still observing the dynamics!

Set your stall (whatever that is) from the off or swallow it. You'll become irritated every time you go out with them which will spoil what should be a precious family occasion

As the title suggests, I was asking if I was being unreasonable to be annoyed.

I may be very, very out of touch, but even as an adult I wouldn't spend £50 a meal on myself...are his two children really consuming £100's worth of food between them? Where on earth is this?

Oh I see. Well 92% of 215 people are saying you are not being unreasonable to be annoyed, so you can take comfort in that.

I would say that’s a pretty standard price now. Roast, depending on the meat was I think £18-£22. Desserts were about £8 each. Everyone had a couple of drinks and coffees after, plus tip worked out to the best part of £50 per head.

There are apps you can use too. I used to go to Meetup type groups and they would use them.

There's no shame in paying your own way. It's about being fair. I don't want to pay an extra fiver etc towards some else's bill thank you very much!

She did?? Honestly I despair. Have you not read AIBU before? She’s asking if she was reasonable to do so.

Yes £50 for a 10yo seems excessive

A 10yo has a 2 course meal followed by coffee?!

Coming from The Ivy Restaurant?! 😉

I don’t mind paying an extra fiver towards someone’s bill, because as others have pointed out, sometimes I’ve probably benefitted from someone else paying an extra fiver towards my bill, but over the years it’s probably fairly even.

But today was a bit more than a fiver!

Sorry, it's about the validation. I have read AIBU? before, but I forgot it was all about the validation.

Hahahahaha! Even my local Ivy I can get a steak tartare for £28 😂

He had hot chocolate when the adults had coffee. And yes, he had roast followed by a chocolate brownie, plus a couple of drinks. At that age, I would have ordered mine a kids size roast if one was available, but he’s not my kid to make that choice.

If your brother's two DC had adult meals and all the trimmings (the multiple drinks and hot choc that you mention) then it was extremely cheeky of him to try to get those two meals split among the adults. Splitting per adult was what you were doing when your children were eating kids' meals for 6.99!

Not relevant to the topic, but I'm a little surprised that a 10-year-old is able to put away an adult meal, drinks, plus a hot choc!

That is insane portion sizes for a primary aged child! Now you say he had all this yes I will concede that’s different to a child’s meal plus juice, very much Cheeky fuckery. I assumed maybe the 10yo just had a small main. Totally bonkers. From now on definitely say at the start “Let’s just pay per family!”

It’s not about the validation at all. I was asking if I was being unreasonable to be annoyed at how DB tried to split the bill. If everyone had come on and said regardless of cost, DB was being perfectly reasonable to expect his under 16’s to be split amongst the adults, I would have adjusted my expectations for next time.

Im not sure why you’re trying to make it about something it’s not?

Then you need to nip this in the bud OP!

I like a hearty meal but I’d struggle with that! It’s amazing what some kids put away. My nephew was having a large chicken select meal from McDonalds at the age of 6!

@SpottyPotties No, you are not being unreasonable! - I have a CF brother who will do exactly the same.
He's my older brother and he chances his luck just like this - not sure if he sees it as some sort of game?

But it's not nice! ............. and it's especially not nice when it's family!

Flippin' heck, don't feel it's you being unreasonable - it's definitely him!

(just don't expect an apology from him 🙄 )

And YANBU IMHO

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. Everyone’s mains were about the same price. DB2 and DF had a bigger roast which was en extra few £ and my DS had a smaller main. And water!

When we go out, there is a fair amount of DB2 and SIL eating bits off their DCs plates.