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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dad won't get bed each for children

182 replies

TealPoster · 16/02/2025 11:03

Been divorced from my children's dad 5 years, he has them one night a week plus every other weekend. Until a few months ago our son (nearly 7) he had sleeping in a cot bed. My son said he couldn't lie flat as it was so small. Daughter has a single bed. Said he was waiting for me to pay him final divorce settlement to get him a bed. Gave him the several thousand in the autumn, still no bed. He (dad) has a sofa bed he'll sometimes sleep on and kids take it in turn in his bed. Now apparently the sofa bed isn't comfortable, so daughter (almost 10) has to sleep in a bed with him (dad). AIBU to tell him to sort out a bed each for them! I've asked/told him 3 times to get our son his own bed. It's a 3 bedroom house. I want to tell him they can't stay there until he has a bed each sorted but know he'll try and twist it into some kind of story that I'm blocking contact or something. My belief is children should have access to their own clean and comfortable bed!

OP posts:
sashh · 26/02/2025 08:17

Thank's for the update.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/02/2025 11:23

At least it's now on record that there are concerns. You've done the right thing OP, I wouldn't be sending my children there either. He's at very least neglectful, and his house sounds like a poor environment for them.

daleylama · 11/03/2025 21:12

EwwSprouts · 16/02/2025 11:32

This.

Wow - 'beam in your own eye, speck of dirt in the others' time when this is your first thought..

daleylama · 11/03/2025 21:18

TealPoster · 16/02/2025 17:52

I can't change the fact I haven't taken action sooner, however their dad had been sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs due to me saying that a) our son can't sleep in a cot bed and b) neither of them should be sharing a bed with him. Our son has stayed in his bed while he's been there on several occasions though. My son said the other week he told him I'm not allowed to control where he sleeps though! Then this week my daughter told me about how he said the sofa bed is apparently no longer comfortable for him, so she had to sleep in his bed with him.
The fact she's having to share a bed with him is a new development, hence my posting today, as this is a new turn of events.

I didn't know that a child who is still 9 could choose to no longer go to stay with a parent, I was always of the impression they had to be around 11/12 otherwise I could end up being taken to court.

You didn't need to justify yourself - and you don't need unnecessary stress if you have cancer to deal with. Ignore the judgmental poster. Similarly those implying that there may be something sexual going on are not being helpful, you have enough to worry about and clearly are taking positive steps to investigate. He sounds like a bit of a hoarder as well as bone idle. Best of luck

MrsSlocombesCat · 30/04/2025 12:58

I would never have shared a bed with my dad at aged ten! That is highly inappropriate. Just tell him you're stopping the overnight visits until he has got them beds. If social services find out a 10 year old girl is sleeping in a bed with her dad they may well investigate! It's just so wrong. She is close to puberty.

sunshinewithoutrainbows · 30/04/2025 13:25

whats his reasoning? Depression so can’t tidy? Not working:low paying job so can’t afford beds? Working ridiculous hours so hasn’t had time to sort the boxes? I just don’t get why he’s being like this

Muffinmam · 07/05/2025 22:23

Mischance · 16/02/2025 11:58

Buy a bed and get it delivered to his place. Not fair I know but the children's well-being comes first.

That is ridiculous.

The OP should keep the children with her and file for full custody and child support.

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