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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking guests to travel for a no party wedding?

263 replies

inspector80 · 16/02/2025 00:07

I do wonder if exposing whether I am the guest or bride will change the responses so... I won't just yet.

Asking guests to travel to a wedding, and realistically stay overnight for a no-party wedding, too much?

The wedding is a registry office ceremony, roughly an hours travel time, then ceremony, more travel time of say 20/30 minutes to venue, then very basic reception. A meal and socialising? No entertainment or dj etc after dinner so therefore no dancing.

Should the couple have just had s small family only wedding because of this or guests shouldn't judge what the couple choose to do for their wedding?

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 16/02/2025 00:10

if it was someone I cared about the lack of dancing wouldn’t bother me personally.

cinnamonbunfight · 16/02/2025 00:10

But it includes a meal and socialising! The thread title made it sound like it was only the ceremony. This sounds fine to me. Presumably nobody’s forcing the guests to come if they don’t want to.

steff13 · 16/02/2025 00:13

Exactly how far are they traveling?

People don't have to go to a wedding just because they're invited. I wouldn't think anything of it. If I felt close to the couple I'd go, if I didn't I wouldn't. Same as any wedding.

JaneFoe · 16/02/2025 00:14

Is there room to dance? Most people have a DJ in their pocket if spontaneous dancing was desired.

I went to at least two weddings (both of a particular religion) as a child where the reception was as you have described. They were well attended and a lot of people travelled.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/02/2025 00:14

Just the reception and socialising is fine. Tbh I (and probably a lot of people) honestly prefer this rather than trying to have conversations over a DJ and loud music.

LaineyCee · 16/02/2025 00:15

A meal and socialising sounds great! I don’t think most people are going to weddings because they want to dance. And that’s not much travelling at all. If I were invited to a wedding like this, I’d gladly attend.

Summerbay23 · 16/02/2025 00:15

I think if the bride and groom are clear about what is planned then absolutely fine. Those that want to come will and those that don’t won’t.

HeddaGarbled · 16/02/2025 00:16

That’d be a wedding I’d be very happy to attend. Only an hour away, service, meal, bit of a chat, then home in time for a glass of wine in front of the telly.

Wisp1638 · 16/02/2025 00:17

There is a party. It’s a meal with time to socialize. Not everyone even enjoys the types of parties that include dancing.

Nifler · 16/02/2025 00:18

I attend weddings because I want to celebrate the couple’s marriage and support them, not because of how good of a party it is. If it was a really long journey for 10 mins wedding then maybe would consider not - but this sounds like a proper celebration! I would consider background music at least for the socialising party (if you’re not already), but that can be your speakers and low cost

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/02/2025 00:18

I think it’s fine. The ceremony is the important bit that people will want to see, plus they’ll get fed. Most people I know commute around an hour to work in office days - I can’t imagine turning down the wedding of a loved one because of so short a travel time. If there’s no after party, many people will opt not to stay overnight, thus reducing their exoenses.

Anneta · 16/02/2025 00:19

I think that this is fine. There is a meal being provided after the wedding ceremony and the distance to the event is not too far to travel. There would be no need for guests to pay for a hotel, as they could easily travel home by car or taxi if they wanted to do so.

CrunchySnow · 16/02/2025 00:22

I don't think that's unreasonable. Presumable people can decline the invitation if they don't want to come but i don't think that's excessive travel...I'd personally do that for a Sunday lunch with family.

I'm planning a wedding and will be inviting people to travel UK to Australia for a small wedding with no band/DJ...people can choose not to come and i won't be offended!

PrincessofWells · 16/02/2025 00:23

Perfect.

SD1978 · 16/02/2025 00:24

As long as people are aware it's a mela and a chat afterwards, it's fine. Not everyone is that bothered about dancing- it's not integral to the event. As long as the invites state the reception is a meal and a socialise then people know what to expect.

IntermittentStream · 16/02/2025 00:24

cinnamonbunfight · 16/02/2025 00:10

But it includes a meal and socialising! The thread title made it sound like it was only the ceremony. This sounds fine to me. Presumably nobody’s forcing the guests to come if they don’t want to.

This. I certainly don’t need dancing. Or it wouldn’t make any difference to whether I travelled to someone’s wedding or not. I’ve gone to weddings on another continent that lasted for days, and taken shorthaul flights to weddings that involved a 20-minute ceremony and lunch.

Wingedharpy · 16/02/2025 00:25

I went to a work colleague's wedding, many moons ago.
Registry office wedding.
Roughly 6 people there - including bride and groom.
I was one of the witnesses.
Came out of the registry office.
Bride said to "guests", "thanks for coming. I'm off to do my shopping now".
She went to Asda.
The End.

Not even a cup of coffee.

Yours sounds amazing in comparison op.

I'm all for low key and laid back.

ThingsgetbetterwithalittlebitofRazzmatazz · 16/02/2025 00:26

Sounds great. I'd definitely go but probably wouldn't stay overnight.

Fencehedge · 16/02/2025 00:26

I hate dancing and drunken weddings that go on and on all day and night.

I think this sounds perfect and not unreasonable at all.

Anyone having a problem with attending a meal and register office is an arsehole anyway.

RogueFemale · 16/02/2025 00:26

It doesn't sound ideal, and although one hour travel time isn't huge, it sounds a drag to then have another 30 mins travel to go for dinner (and perhaps taxis to and from dinner because of drinking alcohol). Three hours travel plus the cost of a hotel, basically to go to a 'very basic' dinner? I'd probably only go if the B&G were family or v. close friends. It all sounds like an odd sort of compromise wedding plan. I'd agree, either have a small local thing, no travelling, or make it worth the travel/hotel cost for a bigger and more fun event.

SerenStarEtoile · 16/02/2025 00:44

I think it sounds great! I hate the hundreds of people/DJ thing because as a guest, you don’t know half of them (they’re the happy couples friends) , the music takes over everything because it’s so loud and even if you want to talk to people it’s usually difficult to have a conversation.

I would definitely go to a wedding like that.

Ladyj84 · 16/02/2025 00:50

Ours was even more basic and afterwards everyone said they had a fantastic time. Do what your happy with not other people

Eenameenadeeka · 16/02/2025 00:51

Well I think the title was misleading. An hour is hardly "travel", not like you need accommodation and there's a meal as well. Doesn't sound that bad!

Redglitter · 16/02/2025 00:54

I'd love that. Quite honestly I hate the dancing element of weddings. I dont dance and I hate having to shout to have a conversation.

A nice meal followed by sitting on chatting and a few drinks sounds perfect

LocalHobo · 16/02/2025 00:57

Personally I would much prefer a nice meal and a chance to chat following a wedding than a wild, all-nighter (but I am old!).

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