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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asking guests to travel for a no party wedding?

263 replies

inspector80 · 16/02/2025 00:07

I do wonder if exposing whether I am the guest or bride will change the responses so... I won't just yet.

Asking guests to travel to a wedding, and realistically stay overnight for a no-party wedding, too much?

The wedding is a registry office ceremony, roughly an hours travel time, then ceremony, more travel time of say 20/30 minutes to venue, then very basic reception. A meal and socialising? No entertainment or dj etc after dinner so therefore no dancing.

Should the couple have just had s small family only wedding because of this or guests shouldn't judge what the couple choose to do for their wedding?

OP posts:
Blue278 · 16/02/2025 08:01

How ‘basic’ is the reception part? If it’s just a booking at a pub with no frills or speeches that would feel a bit quiet.
A private booking somewhere with at least a bit of a speech is better. Otherwise it sounds lovely. I don’t mean spending loads of money on table decorations and favours. Just making the meal a bit more of an event than a few shared tables amongst other people.
I would also assume the meal would be covered by the couple.

mindutopia · 16/02/2025 08:03

I think it’s all fine. The driving to venue is a bit annoying, but that used to be pretty standard before the modern all in one wedding venue as a business model appeared on the scene. I can remember doing that lots in the 80s as a child. My own parents had a reception venue (my grandparents back garden) that was about that distance from the church.

I think just a meal and socialising is totally fine as long as it’s fun and lively. And without the party bit at the end and with all the driving around, I think you do need to make sure guests are well catered for (drinks and food provided). I personally would appreciate the lack of pressure to stay to the end of a very long loud tiring night. I’d very happily hop in the car and drive home after finishing up at a sensible hour.

BeyondMyWits · 16/02/2025 08:04

Our wedding was like this "family style". Lots of family, few friends.
We got married, had a few photos, had a posh hotel buffet lunch, had an hour or so social chat and everyone went off to do their own thing. I think a few got together and went for fast food in the evening.

(25 years ago). There was another wedding at the hotel, they had a party after, cemented the fact it wasn't our thing. Turned out to be a colleague's sister... colleague came through and joined us after the meal as theirs was a bit loud.

saraclara · 16/02/2025 08:04

This is what weddings used to be. And what mine was on the late 70s. Evening do's are a relatively recent thing. It used to be church or registry office, followed straight away by the reception (which was just a meal and speeches) then everyone would wave the bride and groom off at the end, and then go home. No evening thing. No-one is owed a party and dancing.

And yes, an hour is nothing.

AgnesX · 16/02/2025 08:07

So, it's old school...the wedding and the wedding breakfast?

Sounds fine to me but then I'm not keen on parties.

Moonnstars · 16/02/2025 08:08

Sounds nice to me. Meal and drinks to socialise, I assume people could stay longer having drinks at the bar or have drinks in their room if they want a later night?

Socialising doesn't have to involve DJs and music, this sounds like a good way to actually catch up with people properly and hear them without a racket in the background.

LoveWine123 · 16/02/2025 08:08

This sounds like a nice simple wedding and I have been to a few of those for close friends. They are very focused on the couple and the people around them and they feel much more intimate, you are really able to celebrate the occasion with everyone focused on the bride and groom and the friends around them rather than using it as a big party to drink and dance. Getting drunk is not a requirement for fun weddings…somebody commented about the wedding being flat due to people not being able to drink when driving. You really don’t need those kinds of people at your wedding. Get your family and good friends around you and enjoy the moment.

oviraptor21 · 16/02/2025 08:09

I think the wedding sounds great. A ceremony followed by a meal was the norm 50 years ago. If there isn't an extra "party"afterwards then surely everyone can get home the same day if it's only an hour or so travel. I've noticed that often with the extra party a lot of the guests have got wedding fatigue by then anyway and leave early.

axolotlfloof · 16/02/2025 08:10

If you make it clear on the invite what is happening then it's great.
It sounds a but like my wedding. We had young children as did our friends. It worked well.

Diningtableornot · 16/02/2025 08:12

The meal with socialising is the party. It sounds nice. Many weddings go on too long and are too complicated.

WingsofRain · 16/02/2025 08:12

It’s only an hour - it takes me an hour to get to the shops, I’d be perfectly happy to travel for an hour for a wedding even if there wasn’t a reception.

Doggymummar · 16/02/2025 08:13

We got married in a registry office with a reception in a nice school hall, Christs Hospital near Horsham. People came from abroad and we didn't have an evening do as I can't abide them. The ceremony is the important bit. I was 21 at the time so not a boring old fart.

GiraffesAtThePark · 16/02/2025 08:13

Sounds good. I had something similar for mine a few years ago and it was enjoyable although the registry office and restaurant were just a walk away. Lots of people don’t like dancing. Having a big fancy wedding doesn’t mean it will be more fun, if anything those weddings I’ve found the most boring with lots of waiting between events.

ValentineValentineV · 16/02/2025 08:14

I think it depends what time the wedding and the meal are. I’ve been to two weddings 120 miles away which both had a lunch and then nothing after, they were a bit flat.

Octavia64 · 16/02/2025 08:15

All the Indian weddings I have been to didn't have dancing.

They were amazing.

I don't think dancing is a requirement.

suburburban · 16/02/2025 08:16

A meal is lovely and I would attend

Chicheguevara · 16/02/2025 08:16

There was no dancing at my wedding. We had a registry office do and then off for a meal and we just socialised. No disco, nobody complained except one SIL, but she was a moody mare at the best of times so nobody took any notice. People travelled, to the midlands from east Anglia, Scotland and the North East. We had a great time.

I would have no problem with travelling for a couple of hours, or more, to celebrate a wedding of a friend. Even with no dancing. It’s about the occasion me, definitely not the dancing.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/02/2025 08:16

So an hours drive to see then get married then another 30m for the venue for reception where there is food and a chat /socialising

don’t see the issue

no need to stay and then drive 1.5hrs home after

or if want to drink /not drive all in same day grab a b&b/travel lodge etx near by and drive home next day

I can drive 90mins each way for work if traffic bad

Hdjdb42 · 16/02/2025 08:18

A meal sounds great. I wouldn't mind at all, as long as you informed me it's the wedding followed by a meal and no party.

SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 08:18

GiraffesAtThePark · 16/02/2025 08:13

Sounds good. I had something similar for mine a few years ago and it was enjoyable although the registry office and restaurant were just a walk away. Lots of people don’t like dancing. Having a big fancy wedding doesn’t mean it will be more fun, if anything those weddings I’ve found the most boring with lots of waiting between events.

I would agree with this, because often there's hours to kill when the bridal party are having photographs, then loads of speeches etc. often the food isn't good because that's not what they have spent money on. A good quality sit down meal with nice company is perfect.
If a group want to go on somewhere else afterwards, that's up to them. That's what we used to do.

Crazybaby123 · 16/02/2025 08:21

Surely the invite could say something like 'reception will be a low key meal only with finish around 10pm, we would love you to come and have invited you as our closest family and friends, but appreciate its a long way for some of our guests and won't be offended if you can't make it'

Bigbrommieowner · 16/02/2025 08:21

People came from all over the UK for our wedding and it was pretty much that...right down to the drive to the food...people really liked it.

Finished at 5pm, we gave our mate a lift back to the local town and ate chips on the prom, watching a big wedding at a hotel there, also cemented my thoughts we'd done the right thing. Went back to the place we were saying, had a cup of cocoa with friends, went to bed.

BunnyLake · 16/02/2025 08:22

My ex sil had a wedding like this. Registry office followed by a booked meal somewhere. No party, disco etc, it was fine. I don’t really like the party after to be honest, I’m usually done by then. We travelled a few hours and stayed a couple of nights.

SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 08:23

Crazybaby123 · 16/02/2025 08:21

Surely the invite could say something like 'reception will be a low key meal only with finish around 10pm, we would love you to come and have invited you as our closest family and friends, but appreciate its a long way for some of our guests and won't be offended if you can't make it'

I don't know why you'd say that! It sounds too apologetic!
Just a regular invitation, you're invited to a wedding ceremony and meal. Nothing unusual about that, it's just that recently people have gone big and fancy. Not necessarily better.

DwarfPalmetto · 16/02/2025 08:24

My wedding was like this, registry office and then restaurant meal. Some guests travelled for a lot more than an hour to attend. I didn't feel anyone was judging us. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

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