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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking guests to travel for a no party wedding?

263 replies

inspector80 · 16/02/2025 00:07

I do wonder if exposing whether I am the guest or bride will change the responses so... I won't just yet.

Asking guests to travel to a wedding, and realistically stay overnight for a no-party wedding, too much?

The wedding is a registry office ceremony, roughly an hours travel time, then ceremony, more travel time of say 20/30 minutes to venue, then very basic reception. A meal and socialising? No entertainment or dj etc after dinner so therefore no dancing.

Should the couple have just had s small family only wedding because of this or guests shouldn't judge what the couple choose to do for their wedding?

OP posts:
Devon24 · 16/02/2025 11:23

I agree with the other posters, that this a party. A party does not have to consist of the same formula as every other wedding. A party is a gathering, a celebration. Micro weddings are all the rage now. It’s all about the detail, the intimacy and the detail. Not everything has to be big and brash to be memorable. Certainly not.

Devon24 · 16/02/2025 11:24
  • all about the detail, intimacy and tablescapes etc. you can make people feel very special when things are on a smaller scale.
WaltzingWaters · 16/02/2025 11:53

As long as you make it clear from the start what the plan is it’s absolutely fine. I’d be more than happy to drive an hour or so for what you’ve described. But I would just drive home afterwards and not drink. I’d be a little annoyed if I hadn’t known the whole plan and had arranged overnight childcare and/or to stay the night in a hotel thinking I’d be drinking and dancing the night away.

AppropriateAdult · 16/02/2025 12:29

This sounds like a lovely day out. A relative of mine is planning a similar wedding later this year and people are travelling across the Atlantic for it - I don't think many people would object to driving an hour!

user2848502016 · 16/02/2025 12:51

It includes a meal afterwards and nobody is travelling very far - an hour is nothing. So no I don't think it's unreasonable if that's what the bride and groom want.
Just to say though I went to a wedding like this (they didn't even have speeches or toasts) and it was extremely boring!

user2848502016 · 16/02/2025 12:53

The plan should be specified on the invitations too - like put reception 3-7pm for example so people know to plan that there won't be an evening do or late finish. If i was invited I would not bother drinking so I could drive home after dinner

UnpropitiousNightmares · 16/02/2025 23:52

My Partner and I would be absolutely delighted with such an invitation!

navigatinglifewithteenagers · 17/02/2025 00:00

Perhaps the invite should set the scene, ie it's a ceremony followed by a small intimate evening(?) meal.

Then the guests can decide whether or not they come.

McSpoot · 17/02/2025 00:43

Given that they've not bothered coming back, I'm guessing that the OP is a guest at such a wedding and was hoping for outrage on his/her behalf but didn't get it.

Convolvulus · 17/02/2025 09:02

I thought it was probably OP's wedding. Having effectively got the go-ahead, she's now busy steaming ahead and planning it all.

PonyPatter44 · 17/02/2025 09:07

It does sound a bit...joyless to me, but i love a party, a bit of socialising and some dancing. Will there be no music at all? If there is music, wont people want to dance a bit?

TriangleLight · 17/02/2025 09:14

user2848502016 · 16/02/2025 12:53

The plan should be specified on the invitations too - like put reception 3-7pm for example so people know to plan that there won't be an evening do or late finish. If i was invited I would not bother drinking so I could drive home after dinner

I think this is will happen, which doesn’t sound the most fun

IntermittentStream · 17/02/2025 09:14

PonyPatter44 · 17/02/2025 09:07

It does sound a bit...joyless to me, but i love a party, a bit of socialising and some dancing. Will there be no music at all? If there is music, wont people want to dance a bit?

But a lot of peiole love eating and socialising, but not dancing. I mean, apart from anything else, I can dance any time, if I like dancing, but catching up with old friends or relatives I see seldom is much more occasion-dependent.

Itisbetter · 17/02/2025 09:17

This is an absolutely standard wedding in my circle. Some people do have dancing/music in the evening but it’s not expected. I would also travel an hour to go out to dinner without fuss so obviously would be happy to do that for someone’s wedding. I don’t see any problem with this at all.

blobby10 · 17/02/2025 09:36

Sounds like a standard wedding before all the day guests/night guests malarkey started! I got married early 1990s and we had relations driving 2-3 hours for a church ceremony then formal seated meal before we headed off on honeymoon and the guests departed. Ceremony was at noon, we left at 7pm. with hindsight we could have looked after the guests a lot better than we did but as I was the first one to get married and hadn't been to any other weddings it wasn't something that occurred to us.

RitaFromTheRanch · 17/02/2025 10:28

You're the bride. Do what you like.

ChoChang1 · 17/02/2025 18:04

I went to a wedding that was ceremony, then no meal and hang about til reception. I’d much rather your way - at least you’re feeding! Sounds good to me. I’d put an end time on the invite e.g. 7pm to make it obvious there’s no party.

LazyArsedMagician · 17/02/2025 18:21

We did this for our wedding.

Guests were free to decline.

An hour is hardly 'travelling'; sometimes it takes me longer than that to get to work!

Emonade · 17/02/2025 18:24

inspector80 · 16/02/2025 00:07

I do wonder if exposing whether I am the guest or bride will change the responses so... I won't just yet.

Asking guests to travel to a wedding, and realistically stay overnight for a no-party wedding, too much?

The wedding is a registry office ceremony, roughly an hours travel time, then ceremony, more travel time of say 20/30 minutes to venue, then very basic reception. A meal and socialising? No entertainment or dj etc after dinner so therefore no dancing.

Should the couple have just had s small family only wedding because of this or guests shouldn't judge what the couple choose to do for their wedding?

This is exactly the wedding we are having and my partners family are travelling from Devon for it, i think it’s nice it doesn’t have to be a big do loads of people dont enjoy that anyway

JT12 · 17/02/2025 18:25

An hour or less is not traveling in my opinion. Traveling is 2 hours plus. I wouldn't think twice of driving 1/2 hour - 90 mins for a wedding. I would do it to meet friends for brunch or coffee. Its totally acceptable

Anonym00se · 17/02/2025 18:41

I much prefer weddings that don’t fall into the same boring formulaic routine. This sounds perfect to me. I would rather sit and drink and chat with just low background music than have a disco so loud that you can’t talk to the people around you.

Mumoftwoandcats · 17/02/2025 18:44

Sounds great to me, a meal and socialising, with no intrusive DJ, people can actually chat and discuss the ceremony etc. I’d be happy to travel an hour or so, and/or stay over. Hope you enjoy it, whether you’re the guest or the bride.

Tbry24 · 17/02/2025 18:46

That sounds great I’d be happy going to that. I don’t like the big fancy weddings at all.

stanleypops66 · 17/02/2025 18:55

I think the not dancing bit is fine, but how you've written sounds boring. If you'd written 'a beautiful cosy country gastro pub or Michelin star restaurant then a few drinks and a catch up after' then I'd be all over that!

Fencehedge · 17/02/2025 18:59

stanleypops66 · 17/02/2025 18:55

I think the not dancing bit is fine, but how you've written sounds boring. If you'd written 'a beautiful cosy country gastro pub or Michelin star restaurant then a few drinks and a catch up after' then I'd be all over that!

OP was prob more likely to have been written by a disgruntled, entitled guest!