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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude husband

179 replies

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 15:55

I find my husband so rude.

We are making a plan to take our young kids away next weekend. I was just talking through what we might do on one of the days and he started gazing out of the window because he saw a fucking squirrel. He is often like this. If I start saying something he will interrupt, often second guessing what I am trying to say (incorrectly).

I wasn't droning on either. I'd said about two sentences.

I really starting to dislike him intensely.

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 15/02/2025 15:59

OK. I’m sure he might feel the same about you. Why are you married to someone you actively dislike?

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:04

@ItGhoul I think it's disrespectful to behave like this. Not sure what grounds he'd have for feeling like this, as I do give him the courtesy of listening to what he has to say.

Why am I still married? Oh, I don't know, maybe I don't want to disrupt the lives of two young children?

OP posts:
sidebirds · 15/02/2025 16:04

You don't sound well matched. Being curious about a squirrel (or "fucking squirrel" as you so pleasantly put it) is a pleasing characteristic.

Toottooot · 15/02/2025 16:06

I would ignore you too if I saw a squirrel.

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:06

@sidebirds whatever.
Looking away and not paying attention when someone is participating in a conversation you initiated is rude, squirrel or not.

OP posts:
BurntOrangeAutumn · 15/02/2025 16:07

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 15:55

I find my husband so rude.

We are making a plan to take our young kids away next weekend. I was just talking through what we might do on one of the days and he started gazing out of the window because he saw a fucking squirrel. He is often like this. If I start saying something he will interrupt, often second guessing what I am trying to say (incorrectly).

I wasn't droning on either. I'd said about two sentences.

I really starting to dislike him intensely.

ADHD?

MrsPepperpotsCat · 15/02/2025 16:07

Oh dear

MudpiesinEssex · 15/02/2025 16:08

sidebirds · 15/02/2025 16:04

You don't sound well matched. Being curious about a squirrel (or "fucking squirrel" as you so pleasantly put it) is a pleasing characteristic.

Edited

New kind of squirrel.

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:08

@Toottooot I feel completely lonely and ignored in my own home. But thanks for the ridiculous comment.

OP posts:
Kosenrufugirl · 15/02/2025 16:08

Please ignore some MN comments, you do have a valid concern.

I wonder if you are a super planner and if you always insist on doing things your way?

I could be barking at the wrong tree here. I am just trying to interpret your husband's behaviour

NormasArse · 15/02/2025 16:09

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 15:55

I find my husband so rude.

We are making a plan to take our young kids away next weekend. I was just talking through what we might do on one of the days and he started gazing out of the window because he saw a fucking squirrel. He is often like this. If I start saying something he will interrupt, often second guessing what I am trying to say (incorrectly).

I wasn't droning on either. I'd said about two sentences.

I really starting to dislike him intensely.

If I saw a squirrel, I’d watch it too. Sorry.

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:09

@BurntOrangeAutumn nope. Just cold and dismissive. No ADHD.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 15/02/2025 16:11

Frankly, sometimes squirrels are more interesting than the conversation.

Yes, I have done the same thing. And I'm not sorry! (So have my kids).

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:11

@Kosenrufugirl valid point. I am the planner of activities, otherwise nothing would happen.
The purpose of this trip is to enable one of the children to see stuff they've been studying in history.
He wanted to get a train back at a certain time, so I was just saying in that case we can do X and y on day 2 so we can get back at the time you want.

OP posts:
BurntOrangeAutumn · 15/02/2025 16:12

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:09

@BurntOrangeAutumn nope. Just cold and dismissive. No ADHD.

Ugh then that's just ignorant of him. I'd say it's telling of how he really feels about you. Sorry.

yassos · 15/02/2025 16:13

OP I would find this rude too.

My DP sometimes does similar – we’ll be having a conversation and he’ll get distracted by a lamppost or a tree or something. Sometimes he just gets up and walks into a different room. I’ll often be engaging in a topic that he initiated. It’s irritating as fuck.

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:13

@outerspacepotato this isn't the first time, even today, he's done this.
I feel like my thoughts and feelings have no value. It's not a nice environment in which to live. I just needed a vent.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 15/02/2025 16:13

I'm sorry, I actually do have ADHD and am very guilty of drifting off while my husband is talking to me because I saw a cat/bee/pretty bird, so my first instinct was to laugh at that too - but it's obvious that the example you've given is part of a wider behaviour that has been wearing you down.

You're feeling unheard and a bit lonely? Like he's not interested in anything you have to say, or would rather interject his opinion on a matter than listen to yours? Has he always been a bit like this or is it one of those weird things that's come on gradually, or something that's been exacerbated by or emphasised by having young children?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/02/2025 16:14

There’s a trend on MN for saying the opposite of the obvious answer at the moment.

Obviously it’s rude to start concerning yourself with a squirrel out the window when someone is talking to you.

Kangarude · 15/02/2025 16:15

I am quite capable of looking at something out of a window but still being able to hear what is being said. Is it just that you dislike him?

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:15

@yassos YES! I hear you! He will also walk off. Sometimes we can be watching TV and he'll walk off into another room without saying anything. Or he'll walk out and go to bed leaving me sat there.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:16

@Kangarude he isn't capable of doing that. I was speaking, in response to him, and he was not listening.

OP posts:
sometimesmovingforwards · 15/02/2025 16:17

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:06

@sidebirds whatever.
Looking away and not paying attention when someone is participating in a conversation you initiated is rude, squirrel or not.

Maybe he was bored.
Do you often crave the spotlight and / or get angry if you’re not in it?

ashamedtramp · 15/02/2025 16:18

oh gosh... me me me!

Original poster
FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:18

@JudgeBread definitely something that's crept up. There's no way I would've got into a serious relationship with someone who behaves as he does.

We've been together a long time, but things definitely got worse after having children.

OP posts: