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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude husband

179 replies

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 15:55

I find my husband so rude.

We are making a plan to take our young kids away next weekend. I was just talking through what we might do on one of the days and he started gazing out of the window because he saw a fucking squirrel. He is often like this. If I start saying something he will interrupt, often second guessing what I am trying to say (incorrectly).

I wasn't droning on either. I'd said about two sentences.

I really starting to dislike him intensely.

OP posts:
LlamaDharma · 15/02/2025 17:59

BurntOrangeAutumn · 15/02/2025 16:07

ADHD?

Show quote history

Exactly what I was about to say. Only because I have ADHD and find it really difficult to focus on conversations because there's a million things swimming around inside my head 24hrs a day. Oh look...a squirrel....

LlamaDharma · 15/02/2025 18:00

Georgyporky · 15/02/2025 17:17

I'd be intrigued to see how squirrels fuck.

They hang from a branch with only the female holding on. If she lets go they're both fucked.

Waisted · 15/02/2025 18:01

This thread is so strange! Some of the replies are absolutely baffling me.

OP, it is beyond rude. I say that as someone who has ADHD and I do it all the time, oh look at that duck, did you hear that noise, should we google that……. But I am aware it is rude, I try hard not to do it and I apologise and try really hard to regain focus when I have done it.

Sunnydiary · 15/02/2025 18:04

Toottooot · 15/02/2025 16:06

I would ignore you too if I saw a squirrel.

Me too. I’m sure I do this all the time at work as there are lots of gorgeous squirrels.

To be fair OP, you would have to be saying something pretty earth shattering to upstage a cute little furry fella.

I am ND

Pamspeople · 15/02/2025 18:08

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:04

@ItGhoul I think it's disrespectful to behave like this. Not sure what grounds he'd have for feeling like this, as I do give him the courtesy of listening to what he has to say.

Why am I still married? Oh, I don't know, maybe I don't want to disrupt the lives of two young children?

But your two young children are watching their dad coldly disrespecting their mum, so what are they learning about how the world works and what love looks like?

DoloresODonovan · 15/02/2025 18:09

whatawonderfultime · 15/02/2025 17:50

Oh my god, people interrupting me to incorrectly finish the rest of my sentence drives me INSANE.

I made the mistake of hiring someone like that, and as soon as I got to the end of what I was asking her to do I had to repeat it again from the beginning because she wasn't listening to the end and therefore did everything wrong or didn't understand the reason behind it.

I asked her multiple times to listen and not interrupt (in a more polite way) but honestly 5 year olds have better listening skills. Writing it down didn't help either. It was mad.

I don't actually mind people interrupting me if they're correctly finishing my sentence, weirdly.

Edited

I have a picture of ‘Bubble’ in my head now - “ A lap top?

LadeedahYadaYada · 15/02/2025 18:10

Was it a red or grey squirrel?

TagSplashMaverick · 15/02/2025 18:10

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/02/2025 16:14

There’s a trend on MN for saying the opposite of the obvious answer at the moment.

Obviously it’s rude to start concerning yourself with a squirrel out the window when someone is talking to you.

Right? It’s awful. This place is vile at the moment. Add in the awful midnight images being posted…

MumWifeOther · 15/02/2025 18:12

MumWifeOther · 15/02/2025 17:56

Does he have adhd?

To elaborate, I have adhd and I can’t really keep my focus when my husband talks. I switch off after a few seconds and have actually asked him to make bullet points if it’s something important. I mask better with other people but with my husband I just honestly cannot. It’s honestly painful for me to have long conversations with people who talk a lot.

I also cannot help but interrupt - it’s very common with adhd.

I never realised until I was adult but made so much sense. I was bored out of my mind at school but still had really good grades as I have a good memory and can hyper focus. I would switch off in lessons after a few minutes but then could take in all the info on the board.

Butchyrestingface · 15/02/2025 18:19

LadeedahYadaYada · 15/02/2025 18:10

Was it a red or grey squirrel?

I asked that. She's yet to reply.

Obviously if it was a red squirrel, all I can say is "there but for the grace of God, go I''.

Moonlightdust · 15/02/2025 18:25

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:08

@Toottooot I feel completely lonely and ignored in my own home. But thanks for the ridiculous comment.

My husband does this all the time but he has ADHD. His attention span is so short unless he is hyper focused. He also speaks over people, isn’t aware of social cues. It drives me potty when he never seems to be listening to me but I realise he is not intentionally doing it.

NovemberMorn · 15/02/2025 18:30

JHound · 15/02/2025 17:37

This is excusing poor behaviour.

Show quote history

What gives you the impression I excuse it? I have already given two ways I address it.

TouchOfSilverShampoo · 16/02/2025 00:04

Charlize43 · 15/02/2025 16:39

My cat is the same. I was telling her about my day at work and suddenly from the window she spies a bird and starts chattering loudly. 'Are you listening to me?' I ask her, but she's blatantly ignoring me now and in a world of her own. She's far more interested in the bird.

Later on, when I've chosen to ignore her as a lesson, and I'm enjoying my magazine on the sofa, she comes over and to stop me from reading, sits on it. Does your husband ever do this?

I love her so much, but I swear I'm in an abusive relationship...

Your cat vs your husband.

Woman vs vindictive & pathetic cretin.

Saphire123 · 16/02/2025 00:15

I agree, it's a man thing.
That's not to disagree with the OP, if her husband is deliberately ignoring her, there is more to it than simple distraction.

Everythingisnumbersnow · 16/02/2025 00:21

I love my husband because he gets excited by stuff like this (so do I). You may not be very well matched.

NormasArse · 16/02/2025 14:30

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2025 17:11

Can you not watch a squirrel and listen to your spouse at the same time?

Yes @FrodisCapering he's rude.

Show quote history

Not really, but he’s used to my one track brain. He has his quirks; I have mine.

JaneyMayJaneyMay · 16/02/2025 16:38

So surprised by the vote!

My husband is similar - will pick up his phone and start scrolling social media/messaging friends when we’re mid conversation, and constantly interrupt when I’m talking because he thinks he knows what I’m going to say (…he doesn’t!). Pisses me off to no end, and has absolutely got worse since we had a baby. Wish I had a solution!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/02/2025 19:40

whatawonderfultime · 15/02/2025 17:50

Oh my god, people interrupting me to incorrectly finish the rest of my sentence drives me INSANE.

I made the mistake of hiring someone like that, and as soon as I got to the end of what I was asking her to do I had to repeat it again from the beginning because she wasn't listening to the end and therefore did everything wrong or didn't understand the reason behind it.

I asked her multiple times to listen and not interrupt (in a more polite way) but honestly 5 year olds have better listening skills. Writing it down didn't help either. It was mad.

I don't actually mind people interrupting me if they're correctly finishing my sentence, weirdly.

Edited

Yes me too. My Mum does it and it’s maddening

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 16/02/2025 19:47

Mine does this at times too. It’s awful, especially when I’m keen to plan. I pipe up, “active listening pls Daniel!” Usually works.

Mercedes45 · 16/02/2025 19:49

I saw an albino squirrel once

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 16/02/2025 19:57

Sorry but your planning is probably dull to him. He could also be so impressed by your planing and he doesn’t really need to listen or participate. You do things your way anyway ?? Not everyone finds this life planning interesting.
what are his redeeming features ?

pinkstripeycat · 16/02/2025 20:03

My DH is the same OP. He thinks it’s really funny to say it’s his ADHD.

He doesn’t have ADHD. He is just really rude and childish. He never used to be like this. As our DC have become adults he has become more childish as if he’s trying to be their mate.

They aren’t impressed either. 🤷🏼‍♀️

MrsPoppadopoulus · 23/07/2025 20:20

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:06

@sidebirds whatever.
Looking away and not paying attention when someone is participating in a conversation you initiated is rude, squirrel or not.

Those of us with ADHD have trouble regulating our focus so will indeed be intrigued by a squirrel.. we will also try to finish sentences if you take too long to get to the point. And we doodle and focus or look away and still can hear you. The times when I for s myself to try give eye contact I am less likely to retain what is being said as I spend so much time trying to appear focussed.

your husband could just be an ADHDer like me. But I do feel sorry for him based on how you speak of him.

ADifferentKindOfMum · 23/07/2025 20:22

My husband used to walk out of the room while I was talking, he’d literally leave. Didn’t matter what it was, he just thought it was okay to do that.
We are separated now.

Fraggeek · 23/07/2025 20:29

I was deep in conversation with two women I'd met only once before when I saw a squirrel.
Not only did I stare and announce it was a squirrel, but left them and walked over to said squirrel, took a photo and started talking to it. When I turned round they were already right there and one asked me if I'd named it too 🤣

We all got drunk together and Barney was hot topic of conversation.

He needs to find his people.
His people clearly aren't you