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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude husband

179 replies

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 15:55

I find my husband so rude.

We are making a plan to take our young kids away next weekend. I was just talking through what we might do on one of the days and he started gazing out of the window because he saw a fucking squirrel. He is often like this. If I start saying something he will interrupt, often second guessing what I am trying to say (incorrectly).

I wasn't droning on either. I'd said about two sentences.

I really starting to dislike him intensely.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 15/02/2025 17:11

NormasArse · 15/02/2025 16:09

If I saw a squirrel, I’d watch it too. Sorry.

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Can you not watch a squirrel and listen to your spouse at the same time?

Yes @FrodisCapering he's rude.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 15/02/2025 17:12

It is fucking rude! My DH sometimes lives in his own head and I know he's not listening to me. He would sometimes walk out in the room mid conversation untilI bloody well called him out in it. Honestly, he was perplexed - he thought I had finished talking, blah, blah. Total bullshit, he just wasn't listening and was thinking about something else. He wouldn't go to bed without saying goodnight though (and giving me a kiss) We've been married for donkey's years and he has so many good qualities but this habit is annoying. You need a big conversation @FrodisCapering

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/02/2025 17:12

NovemberMorn · 15/02/2025 17:08

My rose coloured specs re men came off long ago.

Many decent, loving men, seem to lack the ability to listen to everything their partners are talking about, some women waffle, some men don't listen.

Vive la difference....and if you doubt there is such a thing, watch the average man try to multitask, something women do without thinking.😏

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I wouldn't consider them decent or loving.

My husband can manage multi tasking just fine. Men are capable of doing it but for some reason, too many women are far too quick to do everything for them.

AddictedToBooks · 15/02/2025 17:14

Has he got anything really stressing him out? Or a lot on his mind for another reason? Is his hearing okay?

My husband sometimes displays this type of behaviour and yes it's rude, it's unfair and it's bloody annoying but we then discovered that he has hearing issues and on top of that he has a lot of stress at work and also with his parents so his brain is like a constant wash cycle.

Since we've talked and discovered his hearing issues, I find I'm a lot more understanding when he does this and he also realises that it was annoying me and he tries not to do it or when he feels like his head is full, he'll be honest and tell me.

If he is just deliberately ignoring you, then I get your frustration.

I don't think I'd be annoyed if someone was looking at something else as I spoke to them though as I'd assume they were still listening to me, but this is because I'm notoriously bad at maintaining eye contact myself and often look at other things but I'm still listening to what's being said.

Georgyporky · 15/02/2025 17:17

I'd be intrigued to see how squirrels fuck.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/02/2025 17:17

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:13

@outerspacepotato this isn't the first time, even today, he's done this.
I feel like my thoughts and feelings have no value. It's not a nice environment in which to live. I just needed a vent.

Have you ever raised this with him? Did he respond, or stare into space?

I'd be inclines to do one of two things, to bring this to his attention.

  1. Stop mid-sentence. Say nothing. Sit/stand there silently. See how long it takes him to notice. Restart when he gives you his attention.
  2. At first sign of a glazed expression, walk away. Not in anger or in a sorrow, but just in a 'I've got other stuff to do and this conversation stalled so I'll go and get on with the other stuff and come back to this later' way.

His behaviour is disrespectful and it needs to change.

PickAChew · 15/02/2025 17:19

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:13

@outerspacepotato this isn't the first time, even today, he's done this.
I feel like my thoughts and feelings have no value. It's not a nice environment in which to live. I just needed a vent.

I get you. I have similar issues with DH at times and sometimes we can have a whole conversation that he recalls none of then he claims not to understand why I'm furious with him.

To be fair, though, squirrels are quite distracting.

AddictedToBooks · 15/02/2025 17:20

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/02/2025 17:17

Have you ever raised this with him? Did he respond, or stare into space?

I'd be inclines to do one of two things, to bring this to his attention.

  1. Stop mid-sentence. Say nothing. Sit/stand there silently. See how long it takes him to notice. Restart when he gives you his attention.
  2. At first sign of a glazed expression, walk away. Not in anger or in a sorrow, but just in a 'I've got other stuff to do and this conversation stalled so I'll go and get on with the other stuff and come back to this later' way.

His behaviour is disrespectful and it needs to change.

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The stopping mid-sentence is an excellent idea - I've used that technique with my husband and it does make them realise that they're being rude even if they'd not really realised at the time.

PickAChew · 15/02/2025 17:21

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/02/2025 17:17

Have you ever raised this with him? Did he respond, or stare into space?

I'd be inclines to do one of two things, to bring this to his attention.

  1. Stop mid-sentence. Say nothing. Sit/stand there silently. See how long it takes him to notice. Restart when he gives you his attention.
  2. At first sign of a glazed expression, walk away. Not in anger or in a sorrow, but just in a 'I've got other stuff to do and this conversation stalled so I'll go and get on with the other stuff and come back to this later' way.

His behaviour is disrespectful and it needs to change.

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DH would assume I had finished talking if I did either of those things. It wouldn't teach him anything.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/02/2025 17:22

PickAChew · 15/02/2025 17:21

DH would assume I had finished talking if I did either of those things. It wouldn't teach him anything.

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Then might I suggest he needs to be grabbed by the shoulders and shaken?Grin

PickAChew · 15/02/2025 17:24

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/02/2025 17:22

Then might I suggest he needs to be grabbed by the shoulders and shaken?Grin

Edited
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I have been tempted, believe me!

SpeedyMcNobhead · 15/02/2025 17:25

BurntOrangeAutumn · 15/02/2025 16:07

ADHD?

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Beat me to it. Everything OP put in her post is what I do…I have diagnosed ADHD.

Its not intentional

Bloom15 · 15/02/2025 17:29

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:06

@sidebirds whatever.
Looking away and not paying attention when someone is participating in a conversation you initiated is rude, squirrel or not.

I do this to be honest - I do apologise but it isn't the end of the world to my DH. Is just a conversion, how much attention is required.

If you actively dislike your husband what is the point in being married?!

Ketzele · 15/02/2025 17:30

I don't know who let the playground bullies out on this thread, but OP, I'm really sorry people are having fun at the expense of your distress. Maybe abandon this thread and try again in Relationships?

DopeyS · 15/02/2025 17:30

There is a weird thing I've noticed on Mumsnet on weekends where there's a sudden influx of comments on thread who like to point out that the OP is completely ridiculous and like to make out that they are horrible/over the top/over reacting completely. Not sure if there is an influx of bored people looking to take it out on others.

Of course it's not unreasonable to expect your husband to listen to you in a conversation. Mine does it too where I'm telling him something and then he'll talk over me with something completely unrelated. It does make you feel like what you're saying is boring/unimportant.

Have you tried telling him how he makes you feel? Not always easy but definitely worth bringing up. Expecting him to listen while you talk about plans for something isn't unreasonable at all despite what some people here seem to be saying.

JHound · 15/02/2025 17:31

ItGhoul · 15/02/2025 15:59

OK. I’m sure he might feel the same about you. Why are you married to someone you actively dislike?

Yikes.

JHound · 15/02/2025 17:31

Was he always rude or is this a new thing OP?

JHound · 15/02/2025 17:32

sidebirds · 15/02/2025 16:04

You don't sound well matched. Being curious about a squirrel (or "fucking squirrel" as you so pleasantly put it) is a pleasing characteristic.

Edited

It’s rude when somebody is talking to you to just break off and start looking at / commenting on other things.

JHound · 15/02/2025 17:34

Kosenrufugirl · 15/02/2025 16:08

Please ignore some MN comments, you do have a valid concern.

I wonder if you are a super planner and if you always insist on doing things your way?

I could be barking at the wrong tree here. I am just trying to interpret your husband's behaviour

Yeah some of the comments here are bizarre. I guess a lot of rude people who are happy to show their lack of interest in a conversation underway.

JHound · 15/02/2025 17:37

NovemberMorn · 15/02/2025 16:54

It's definitely a 'man thing'.

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This is excusing poor behaviour.

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 15/02/2025 17:41

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:18

@JudgeBread definitely something that's crept up. There's no way I would've got into a serious relationship with someone who behaves as he does.

We've been together a long time, but things definitely got worse after having children.

You can divorce just because you are no longer feeling it OP.

Try to separate amicably and move on before it gets worse.

Diningtableornot · 15/02/2025 17:48

My DH does something similar. Sometimes he doesn't reply at all, and sometimes I am halfway through a sentence when he assumes he knows what I'm about to say, and argues with or dismisses it.
When I point this behaviour out to him he is very sorry and tries to concentrate, which helps me tolerate it/him better. I suspect he has a touch of ADD.

whatawonderfultime · 15/02/2025 17:50

Oh my god, people interrupting me to incorrectly finish the rest of my sentence drives me INSANE.

I made the mistake of hiring someone like that, and as soon as I got to the end of what I was asking her to do I had to repeat it again from the beginning because she wasn't listening to the end and therefore did everything wrong or didn't understand the reason behind it.

I asked her multiple times to listen and not interrupt (in a more polite way) but honestly 5 year olds have better listening skills. Writing it down didn't help either. It was mad.

I don't actually mind people interrupting me if they're correctly finishing my sentence, weirdly.

MumWifeOther · 15/02/2025 17:56

Does he have adhd?

mumda · 15/02/2025 17:58

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2025 16:04

@ItGhoul I think it's disrespectful to behave like this. Not sure what grounds he'd have for feeling like this, as I do give him the courtesy of listening to what he has to say.

Why am I still married? Oh, I don't know, maybe I don't want to disrupt the lives of two young children?

The daily disruption of unpleasant atmosphere is not healthy.