Rude husband

[FrodisCapering]

I find my husband so rude.

We are making a plan to take our young kids away next weekend. I was just talking through what we might do on one of the days and he started gazing out of the window because he saw a fucking squirrel. He is often like this. If I start saying something he will interrupt, often second guessing what I am trying to say (incorrectly).

I wasn't droning on either. I'd said about two sentences.

I really starting to dislike him intensely.

How do you know he doesn't have ADHD @FrodisCapering ?

He may have. My DH has mild ADHD, and struggles to concentrate on things sometimes, and he especially struggles to concentrate on 2 things at once. He does as you describe sometimes. I will be chatting away, and he drifts... It is annoying but he doesn't do it on purpose... Something will take his attention away. As a pp said, any man who is enchanted by a cute wild animal can't be all bad!

You really sound like you despise him though. I feel a bit sorry for him actually. Maybe try to get to the bottom of why he does it, rather than be so angry. Maybe he is just a distant, ignorant git, but he could have some kind of issue.

@sometimesmovingforwards you sound ridiculous.
"Craving the spotlight" by expecting my husband to do me the courtesy of listening to a response to a conversation he has initiated?

My ex was like this, among other shit.

He'd ask a specific question, I'd get 3 words into the answer, and he'd either start talking over me or walk off. It was the least damaging thing he did, but I'm just making the point that being bloody rude is disrespectful and it's hardly surprising you're fed up.

Have a good honest look at your other interactions with him. Maybe he's "just" a thoughtless twat who will be mortified when you point it out every time he does this or similar, and change it.

Or maybe this is indicative of a much wider issue and if so, I'd suggest counselling (for you in the first instance) to try to get a handle on what's OK in a relationship for you, and what's not. Then it's up to you what you do with that awareness. It took me years to get my head out of the sand and see the overal picture but when dd1 (15 at the time) frogmarched me out for a walk and asked me wtf I was doing putting up with him, I woke up. Still took another few months, but got out.

Might not be the case at all for you. Or might be the boiling frog analogy. Have a good think.

If you have tried telling him how it makes you feel and he hasn't changed, you're going to have to do it back until he gets the message.

Is he normally easily distractable?

It could be he is okay with you making the plans (so he doesn't have to).

All of us were distracted easily so we just got used to saying what was important and then wondering how the squirrel got a McDonald's cheeseburger.

The interrupting would be annoying.

"As I was saying, Bob, before you interrupted"

Maybe he instantly regretted it. Who knows, we weren’t there.

Me too. They're lovely little things. Had one in the garden a few days ago, and dropped everything I was doing to go look at it! 😆

Some of these replies! He's rude and I'd also be annoyed. However if after speaking with him about how it makes you feel nothing changed I'd no longer be including him in conversations or activities. If there's something he needs or wants he does it for himself.

He sounds dismissive and that's a breeding ground for resentment.

I'm not at all suggesting your husband has ADHD or any traits, but as someone with severe, combined ADHD (unmedicated), as do my DC, I live in a reality of being distracted by the slightest thing, be I interested in the conversation or not. And, thus, I have to work my butt off each and every conversation to stay focused.
I'm probably not the best person to answer, but I wonder whether your husband - be he ND OR NT - struggles to stay focused?
If I saw 'a fucking squirrel', I'd find it hard to stay engaged in a conversation, especially if it was something I wasn't particularly interested in hearing.
Sounds like you have a pattern of not feeling listened to, though, as you sound mightily pissed off!

Are you certain there's no neurodiversity at play?

I only ask as DH and I are both ND and we both have a tendency to behave like this.

Not everyone is ND which seems to be the go to response here. Some people are just bloody rude.

Completely, so many answers are just contrary and goady.

Literally no one likes having a conversation with someone who is not listening to them

My husband can also be rude in this way, as are some of my friends spouses.
Maybe it's a man thing.
I find it irritating, and I tell him so, I don't dislike him for it...(for long)
I guess everyone, in the real world, finds something about their other halfs behaviour annoying sometimes.

Thanks to those who understand. It's made me feel less alone.

That's true.

But being ND myself, raised by an ND parent and living with an ND spouse - his behaviour is hugely familiar to me. I know I have a tendency to tune out or wander off, and DH is the same - we do do it for different reasons though. I get over-stimulated and need to decompress. He can't concentrate for long and just gets distracted.

Think a lot of responses are from people who are just here for their daily dose of key board warrior escapades.

It's quite clear this isn't a one off conversation where her DH has been rude, but an ongoing issue of shitty behaviour which is making the Op feel ignored, lonely and disrespected.

I get it op - my DH does similar but he IS actually ND - just does my fucking head in when I've listened to his latest half hour speech about shit at work, engage, ask questions. And then I try to offer something about my day and he doesn't even acknowledge it, or changes the topic right back to himself. Or, walks off while I'm talking. Better yet - not even looking up from his phone at whatever shitty YouTube video he is watching.

Fucking exasperating when you're doing all the leg work all the time.

My youngest just came in to tell me about the fat squirrel in the backyard.

I had to go see.

So your husband isn’t gazing at you and hanging on your every word all the time and gets distracted by interesting things sometimes. Not that big a deal, surely? He’s a human being and this, in isolation, is a minor fault. And honestly, looking at your responses to people here, I don’t think you’re in a position to call anyone else rude. You sound like rather hard work.

And it won't be nice for your children either.

OP, I completely agree that is rude.

I don’t blame you for feeling upset. It’s one thing if it’s a one off, but if it’s all the time it’s a real drip drip drip of disrespect and the message – you don’t matter and aren’t worth the bother of me being polite to.

I’m not saying that’s how your DH feels, but can understand how it might feel to be on the receiving end. This is what it conveys

Mine does this, I mention at at the time, soon gets him out of the habit, he doesnt know he's doing it.

Yes it feels awful to have someone do this to you. However when they do, it tends to mean they don’t like you either.

so unless you can both fix this, then the marriage is over. It’s two people co parenting and pretending. When dislike and disdain creeps in, it is hard to come back from.

What a bitchy, horrible thread.

What new kind of squirrel? It's total squirrel monoculture here.

My cat is the same. I was telling her about my day at work and suddenly from the window she spies a bird and starts chattering loudly. 'Are you listening to me?' I ask her, but she's blatantly ignoring me now and in a world of her own. She's far more interested in the bird.

Later on, when I've chosen to ignore her as a lesson, and I'm enjoying my magazine on the sofa, she comes over and to stop me from reading, sits on it. Does your husband ever do this?

I love her so much, but I swear I'm in an abusive relationship...