to be fed up with dh for not admitting that it's hard to be a sahm?

[PTA]

Long story short, went for a walk on Monday and fell hurting my ankle, went to A&E not broken just very badly sprained, stay off it for 48hrs and no driving.

DH had to take this week off to help with the boys or they were going to miss everything that the normally do. Tuesday ok as quiet day, he enjoyed Wednesday as he got to go to DS2 Downs group, yesterday was really hectic with mothers and toddlers for DH2 and gymnastics for DH1. We also had to enrol DS1 at school, do some shopping and there was and Open University information day that I was really keen to pop into. And then we went to see DH's grandparents.

You would think that he has been having to look after 200 and not two children!!! And I've been helping. He thinks he is hard done by and when I said "welcome to my world" he said that I had it easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could kill him. He just doesn't listen and when I pointed out that I do everything that he has been doing plus all the things like cooking and seeing to the washing that I've still been doing he said that I was used to it and while that's true it doesn't make it any easier.

He is away to do the two lots of swimming lessons this morning and you should have seen his face when I explained the timetable.

9.00 take DS1 to nursey

9.30 be in the pool with DS2

10.00 lesson ends, get DS2 washed and dressed and bring back to me

11.15 pick DS1 up

11.30 get DS1 to the pool for his lesson

And I fed DS2 for him, got out DS1 clothes and packed both the swimmingbags!!!!!!!!!!!!

He has also been let off lightly because the weather has been so good. DS1 was pottering about in the garden Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon and did not need amusing or want to got to the park, etc.

But what really, really gets to me is that, despite all this, he won't say, "Good job" or "I don't know how you do this" or anything nice about it. He genuinely thinks that I have it easy and that he has the tough job moving papers about his desk. And I know that he is finding it difficult to cope, so why can't he admit that it's not the easy option staying at home?

On the plus side, it has made me realise that I am going to have to be more careful and loose weight. I hate to think about how things would be if I was laid up for longer and while he was great when DS2 was born and for 9weeks in hospital, but I was always about and my family chipped in and helped.

I know part of it is down to my control freakery but would it really kill him to acknowledge that it is hard to be at home all day?

well the op does say is it hard to be sahm generic

rather than to be her

which of course no one can know

I don't want to link to the thread, I'm in enough troubl;e as it is. It's in AIBU topic, so you could find it if you want.

Being a SAHM is like everything in life...different for everyone. !!!

Some people will find it easy, others hard or impossible. This depends on your situation, attitude, personal skills etc.

In my case, I love being a SAHM it is something I never thought I would be able to do.

However I am far from a natural housewife and despite trying I forget things and don't get things done in the best way. But I hope to learn I am slowly getting better at stuff, though now 6.5 month pregnant I am slowing down at the moment

Some weeks we stay in all week and I throw myself at the housework, other weeks (like this week) we go out and enjoy the sun more and the house suffers.

I find the house work boring and repeative but I love spending the time with my daughter and watching her grow and learn.

In other words I am grateful for my hard working husband which gives me the option to be at home, but I don't find it 'easy'. Maybe if I keep trying to 'FLY' I'll get the perfect easy to run house one day...Mmmm, I'm not going to hold my breath mind.

Off back to the housework

If you stay at home and have a DH who "pushes paper around", and that "paper-pushing" earns enough for you to stay at home in comfort and not have to even consider going to work, then you are bloody lucky and should stop moaning.

On the other hand people should both appreciate each other's contribution.

Ask yourself not just if he could do what you do, but if you could do what he does.

well my dp is not at all helpfull although after making him actually believe that me and kids were not moving into his house once done (we dont live together, dd1 is not his but he treats her like she is) he has started to be a little more helpfull and a couple of days ago he cleared out my utility room which was a complete mess and cleaned the yard! but that is all that he has done and he has been off work about five days now!!!

i dont expect him to clean up after me, while we dont live together he is here a hell of a lot, but still pays next to nothing for the upkeep of the house, which i only mind when he criticises me on how i spend my money, and he contributes virtually nothing to the kids or housework. i am constantly going round picking up after him.

i do his washing as he doesnt have a washer and its pointless him buying one as i have one and it will come with me when i do move in there. he doesnt have a kitchen as yet either so he is here for all his meals and his bathroom isnt finished so he is here to bathe too. so while he sleeps at his house a few days a week (when he has to be up early for work) you might aswell say he lives here

i like being able to spend time with kds as a sahm but i do think that it is harder than working with longer hours and no paycheck.

i get no appreciation for what i do for him or the kids so i understand where the op is coming from especially if like me she was used to and enjoyed working before she had kids

all we would like is a little thank you and not to be told how easy we have it all the time coz for some of us it is not easy at all. enjoyable maybe but then so was my work!!! but i got paid for that and i had a start and finish time and days off

but IT IS easy Herecomesthegirls?

What on earth is hard about looking after the kids, doing a bit of light housework and cooking a meal??? Honestly, I don't mean to be facetious but I find it mind boggling that people make such a big deal out of this!

Connie, Are you a SAHM? How many children and what ages?

And this whole "he gets a lunch hour and I don't" stuff is just ridiculous. Most people work at their desk through lunch now.

But how many husbands really want to be SAHD's? Not many I bet. Most are happy to be out of the house and doing a job.

He should at least be appreciative that he doesn't have to do this all day, every day and he has a wife who does the SAH stuff for him. It isn't asking very much.

Maybe not even appreciation is needed, maybe simply just not to be held in total disdain would be nice. That would be an improvement surely. It would be nice to feel that you were totally useless!

I have 4 kids...aged 5, 3, 18mths and 6mths

I always have a lunch hour (and a bit) when I'm at home!! IME, SAHM is hard with 2 under 2, after they are all over 2 it's not hard at all.

i think it is easy really

putting washing in and stuff and playing with children and cooking dinner is easy

it may be boring and repetitive

but it is up to you to organise it so you get the most out of it

give yourself some rewards

find things you and the kids like doing

and chill out a bit

no one is watching you

Micci, You're a SAHM with someone elses child, what should your dp do or contribute? Surely your ex should contribute and with your new partner you should be his partner and not him take care of you financially.

"no one is watching you"
is a good point.

No targets to meet, meetings to have, managers to report to... You set the parameters.

conniedescending.... My DD has slightly low muscle tone so needs a lot of carrying and supervising so she doesn't hurt herself when trying to stand up, so that probably does makes it harder. She is basically very bright and curious and has to be entertained every second of the day. She does not sit still EVER and play with anything. If not entertained she will tear up the house through curiosity or will hurt herself by trying to climb on something and falling over. So every second she is awake I am running around after her and when she is asleep I am doing the housework. To be honest though I have never met a child as active as her so its probably not the norm.

I am not making a big deal out of it or wanting any sympathy though, I just mean I can see that it CAN be hard for some people.

I take my hat off to you if you find it all easy though

Lunch hour? Co-incidentally I had the reverse of this conversation this morning. It went something like this

Colleague (ignoring a call)
Me: I don't mind if you take it
Colleague: It's only my wife
Me (trying to get back to the issue we were discussing)
Colleague: She rings at least three times a day. Then complains if I don't ring back immediately. She's been at home for nine years and has completely forgotten what it is to work. (uncomplimentary remark edited out here). I think it's about time she went back but she wouldn't be able to cope with the real world now.

I liked being at home with my son, till I moved next door to mil

now I do feel watched and judged

I meant to say I also have the worst most miserable busy job ever and I still find it a break from childcare!!

I think Quattro's colleague sounds as if he has a fair point. Uncomplimentary remark aside.

Also my DH who works full time also says he finds working easier, so maybe I am not qualified at all to post on this thread

totally agree....unquietdad. I would have really struggled going to work everyday and trying to do a good job when I was pg. Being a sahm meant I could and can adjust my days to suit the circumstances.

Back to the OP, my DH wouldn't have been able to take leave from work should I have hurt my ankle as we wouldnt be able to afford that! I would have had to adjust what I was doing and get on with it!

Tbh it's not really hard work looking after children all day.

It is relentless though and can be boring and that's usually what gets to the menfolk.
I think it's rude to tell a woman she 'has it easy', whilst it's not exactly a difficult job , to say it is easy is insulting. Why does he have this competition going with you?
You should be supporting each other.

I used to work as a nanny and a nursery teacher

it is harder to me to be at home,

Imo being a sahm is hard and can be very stressful did no one see that survey they did a while ago on jobs and stress levels where they put 5 women on a heart monitor etc all day. The sahm had the highest stress levels of the lot even than the city worker. The thing is you don't have a lunch hour, you have most of the time antagonistic and demanding co-workers and hellish background noise to deal with.

Yes some days are easier than others like in any job but it is often completley unappreciated and this is why many dhs and dps stress they've been out to work all day. Yet if I went 'out' to work in a job where I looked after 3 children of 5 and under, plus preparing and cooking 3 meals a day whilst one or all three of them are demanding my attention, tugging at my clothes , screaming for a feed etc and cleaned a house up I feel it would seem more worthy. Yes it is our choice as it is the choice of someone working a stressful 9-5 job as well that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to have a moan in a while. As for the OP I find it hard enough looking after 3 nt children god knows how much harder it is to look after one with sn.