to be fed up with dh for not admitting that it's hard to be a sahm?

[PTA]

Long story short, went for a walk on Monday and fell hurting my ankle, went to A&E not broken just very badly sprained, stay off it for 48hrs and no driving.

DH had to take this week off to help with the boys or they were going to miss everything that the normally do. Tuesday ok as quiet day, he enjoyed Wednesday as he got to go to DS2 Downs group, yesterday was really hectic with mothers and toddlers for DH2 and gymnastics for DH1. We also had to enrol DS1 at school, do some shopping and there was and Open University information day that I was really keen to pop into. And then we went to see DH's grandparents.

You would think that he has been having to look after 200 and not two children!!! And I've been helping. He thinks he is hard done by and when I said "welcome to my world" he said that I had it easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could kill him. He just doesn't listen and when I pointed out that I do everything that he has been doing plus all the things like cooking and seeing to the washing that I've still been doing he said that I was used to it and while that's true it doesn't make it any easier.

He is away to do the two lots of swimming lessons this morning and you should have seen his face when I explained the timetable.

9.00 take DS1 to nursey

9.30 be in the pool with DS2

10.00 lesson ends, get DS2 washed and dressed and bring back to me

11.15 pick DS1 up

11.30 get DS1 to the pool for his lesson

And I fed DS2 for him, got out DS1 clothes and packed both the swimmingbags!!!!!!!!!!!!

He has also been let off lightly because the weather has been so good. DS1 was pottering about in the garden Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon and did not need amusing or want to got to the park, etc.

But what really, really gets to me is that, despite all this, he won't say, "Good job" or "I don't know how you do this" or anything nice about it. He genuinely thinks that I have it easy and that he has the tough job moving papers about his desk. And I know that he is finding it difficult to cope, so why can't he admit that it's not the easy option staying at home?

On the plus side, it has made me realise that I am going to have to be more careful and loose weight. I hate to think about how things would be if I was laid up for longer and while he was great when DS2 was born and for 9weeks in hospital, but I was always about and my family chipped in and helped.

I know part of it is down to my control freakery but would it really kill him to acknowledge that it is hard to be at home all day?

you can have a pretty lazy day as a sahm mum if you feel like it

most people do have to put some graft in at work

I would never have thought I would have choosen to be a sahm but I was make redundant when DS1 was little then we moved for dh's job. The cost of going back to work was far outweighed by the cost of childcare so I went back to college to retrain.

Then I fell pregnant with ds2 who has Downs. I don't feel able to leave him with nursery or cm yet, am looking to increase qualifications with the Open University and return to work in the next few years.

I still contribute to the household as I have significant income from investments made before I met dh so it's not as if he has the whole financial burden for the family on his shoulders.

And yes I know that there are a lot of people worse off than me but a little support and appreciatio is nice.

Perhaps I should be saying all this to dh and not mners!!!

Personally I think being a SAHM is really hard. That is why I don't do it. I think the OP sounds like she doesn't like being a SAHM much.

People who generally like what they are doing don't need constant appreciation and affirmation that what they are doing is worthwhile. They do it because they like doing it and that is enough (mostly).

Of course we all like the odd gesture of appreciation but the OP sounds quite resentful and I personally understand that as I'd feel the same.

I think there are some SAHM do it because they feel it is the right thing to do but who actually find it really hard because they don't really enjoy it much. Of course they love their children but they find a lot of what goes with full time care of them difficult or dull.

Unfortunately it is also true that many people (men orr women) who WOTH also don't really like what they do.

I know of one couple where the SAHM is very happy to be at home and says so. She behaves like someone who is happy and a less long-suffering person I've yet to meet.

Her husband on the other hand really does not like his job but with 4 children and a SAHM he had to work anyway. Retraining to do something else which he would like is not really viable financially.

He is much more resentful and often makes digs about her doing nothign all day (with 4 children !!). In that situation although I often find him annoying, when I think about it I know who I have the most sympathy for and it isn't the SAHM.

Dh just sent me this link from work. I'm posting here so he knows I've read it

I wish I knew how it was possible to have a "lazy day at home" with children, and I only have one.

I work part time, but would definitely say being at work is much easier than when i spend a day with my DD, even though I get very very busy at work!

She is 18 months old and has to be entertained for every second of the day or she just rampages around getting into everything. Even if I take her to activities I have to supervise her pretty carefully. She isn't walking yet and needs a lot of carrying which probably makes it more tiring.

But it really depends on the children you are looking after, some are easier than others!!

YANBU. But also men don't always say what you want them to say, or admit that you have it hard!!!

Lazycow, that was a very valid post and has made me think.

so why did he link to this then [nosey emoticon]

hes evidently not working at the mo if he is on mn lol

my dp is just the same and i know eaxactly what his job ios like coz i worked part time in the same place before i had dd2!! i and know that going back there would be like a holiday!

however dp seems to think that while dealing with two kids, three if you include hime, and keeping the hosue, doping all the shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, etc. that i ahve time for an afternoon nap and to watch tv.

funny though how when i do insist on my sleeps in or trips to my mates during the day i come back to find that both kids have had tea and biccy's for brekkie and usually something really simple like sarnies for lunch, the house is a mess every one is still in pj's and we need milok but how can he clean up or go to the shop with two kids??!!!

right now he is in bed with a hangover while i am dealing with dd1 who has a fractured gum and wont eat anything and dd2 who has a viral infection as well as charging his phone via the laptop which means i need to keep checking back to the pc to make sure it hasnt gone on standby and i am doing all the housework!

yes my job is much easier than his!! also did i mention i only work 8 hours a day then i sit on my backside in front of sky sports and sometimes i dont start till half one which means i can stay in bed till at least twelve!!! working men dont have a clue how hard it is being at home with kids all day

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Being a SAHM isn't hard but it is relentless and you have to think on your feet a lot and multi task - something which not all men can do easily.

The trouble I have with DH is that he's quite happy to do whatever is necessary for the DSs when I can't for some reason but he does seem to think that the DSs are more badly behaved when they are with him (they're not) DS3 does more pooey nappies (obviously doesn't) and that they just "wanted to watch telly all day and they were quite happy doing that"....

Micci25, is your dp and my dh related!

Micci25 - I feel your pain, my DD is having her one sleep of the day now and I am running around cleaning up and hanging up washing. Fortunately my DH is very helpful but obviously there is a limit to how much he can do when at work all day!!

I think being a sahm is easy and I say that as a sahm to 4. I think this desperation for sahm's to want appreciation and recognition does the sahm a disservice as its almost like saying how dreadful and stressful it is to stay home and look after the family you have created.

What is wrong with having fun while being at home with the kids and pottering around the house? It's nothing like the workplace so we should stop trying to compare it to that. Being a sahm is not a job and is not a chore.

Tbh, it sounds like your 'schedule' is a bit ott anyway and the swimming sounds a bit overly complicated so no wonder your DH baulked at it. Probably in a 'how daft is this' way rather than a 'how hard is this' way.

Tommy, of course they are happy watching tv if you don't do anything elase with them.

You are also right about being a sahm, it is relentless rather than hard.

zippi, he linked it for me to see how everyone was saying it wasn't hard to be a SAHM, and my thread yesterday was out of order.

Again connie, if I could spread things out over different days, I would but it's a case of Friday or no day.

EruvandeAini, what's your dh's point?

Jesus camp thread or something else?

I think its really unfair on people who find it hard being a SAHM to say stuff like "well I find it easy, and I have 10 kids and if you don't you are saying its terrible to have to look after your family".

Not everyone finds it easy, some people have less energy than others, some children are more difficult than others.

I'm sure it wouldn't help someone having a rotten time to read that!!!

He's on lunch...a break isn't he? When does a SAHM get hers?

what was your thread yesterday

It is easy if: you enjoy doing it, have a supportive DH and don't make life difficult for yourself by creating ridiculous ideals, being obssessive with housework and cramming in too many groups and activiites.

I can understand the OP as well. She has not left her DH to it. She is still doing all the thinking, the planning and the organising and he is just doing as he is asked, with no thought. And all this whilst she can't get around properly and should be resting.

OK it is great being a SAHM and being master of your own time. You can organise your own day and do what you want to do, when you want to do it, if the dc allow of course, but there is never any time off from the responsibilities. DH gets to leave work at the end of the day and not think about it until he goes back the next day, a SAHM never does.

I don't find the practicalities of being a SAHM very onerous but the constant planning and organising is what gets to me and I think that is why the OP is getting fed up too.

Also on the one hand her DH is making a big fuss about what he has to do to help but on the other hand he is saying it is no big deal. He can't have it both ways.

I can't truly judge as an SAHM since I work as well.

But I think all you can really say is "I find it easy". not "IT IS" easy, because everyone's situation is different, and everyone is different.