to be fed up with dh for not admitting that it's hard to be a sahm?

[PTA]

Long story short, went for a walk on Monday and fell hurting my ankle, went to A&E not broken just very badly sprained, stay off it for 48hrs and no driving.

DH had to take this week off to help with the boys or they were going to miss everything that the normally do. Tuesday ok as quiet day, he enjoyed Wednesday as he got to go to DS2 Downs group, yesterday was really hectic with mothers and toddlers for DH2 and gymnastics for DH1. We also had to enrol DS1 at school, do some shopping and there was and Open University information day that I was really keen to pop into. And then we went to see DH's grandparents.

You would think that he has been having to look after 200 and not two children!!! And I've been helping. He thinks he is hard done by and when I said "welcome to my world" he said that I had it easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could kill him. He just doesn't listen and when I pointed out that I do everything that he has been doing plus all the things like cooking and seeing to the washing that I've still been doing he said that I was used to it and while that's true it doesn't make it any easier.

He is away to do the two lots of swimming lessons this morning and you should have seen his face when I explained the timetable.

9.00 take DS1 to nursey

9.30 be in the pool with DS2

10.00 lesson ends, get DS2 washed and dressed and bring back to me

11.15 pick DS1 up

11.30 get DS1 to the pool for his lesson

And I fed DS2 for him, got out DS1 clothes and packed both the swimmingbags!!!!!!!!!!!!

He has also been let off lightly because the weather has been so good. DS1 was pottering about in the garden Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon and did not need amusing or want to got to the park, etc.

But what really, really gets to me is that, despite all this, he won't say, "Good job" or "I don't know how you do this" or anything nice about it. He genuinely thinks that I have it easy and that he has the tough job moving papers about his desk. And I know that he is finding it difficult to cope, so why can't he admit that it's not the easy option staying at home?

On the plus side, it has made me realise that I am going to have to be more careful and loose weight. I hate to think about how things would be if I was laid up for longer and while he was great when DS2 was born and for 9weeks in hospital, but I was always about and my family chipped in and helped.

I know part of it is down to my control freakery but would it really kill him to acknowledge that it is hard to be at home all day?

Unquiet, My dp runs the country wide division of his company and he gets a lunch break, as does the chairman and CEO. What sort of boss expects a low paid sectretary not to have an hour for lunch, unless she has half an hour and leaves early. Goodness talk about living to work.

"if you are working you can arrange the day off if you dont feel up to it"

In which jobs, precisely?... In most jobs I know you have to book your leave weeks, if not months ahead. And in teaching you have to have it when you're told.

Things like this are often said by people who don't have any idea what working life is actually like.

Its a bit difficult to pit looking after children against every other paid job to try to come to some kind of conclusion about who is most hard done by, even assuming that everybody's homelife was identical.

A bit surprised that people argue along these lines.

I would also like to say that my children are individuals and are in control of their own behaviour. Being 18 months and 4, their behaviour is not always convenient for me. As far as I understand even when they reach 17, I won't be in control, and apparently their behaviour might be even more inconvenient. Congratulations to those of you who can control your children's behaviour though. Haven't met any body like that in RL, but you meet all sorts on MN I suppose.

God, this thread has truly pissed me off. The OP came on here to have a bit of a rant, she obviously has had a shit week and just needed a bit of appreciation which she obviously isn't getting from home and half the bloody posters jump on her and it turns into a debate about who is having the hardest day. Her husband said she'd had it easy? What would he know? At least the OP has worked and therefore can make the comparison. What about a bit of solidarity FFS!

Yes, I agree.

I am pretty amazed by those who would sneer at others for finding it hard, even with less kids.

Maybe you are superior to them, better with your kids, or more suited to motherhood and find it all easier, but why sneer at them if they genuinely aren't as capable as you and find it hard.

A little graciousness is often needed towards those not as superhuman as yourselves, I think.

I agree with you micci that the op would like some one to recognise exactly how much she does so that it seems worth it

But her life including the schedule posted doesn't seem very hard to me. So I thought a reality check might more real help than anything else.

Apparently not though.

I get a lunch break, I feed the baby and put him down for his nap then I make lunch for myself and DS and we eat it together. Pretty much the same as the lunch DP gets really, either something from the canteen at his desk or something out with a client.

Also how many SAHM's are sat on Mn for at least part of the day? Obviously you get some or a break or where would you get the chance.

I'm sorry but I think being a SAHP is a really important role, and to be appreciated, it's not exactly fun, you can go stir crazy staring at the same four walls and forget what it's like to have a proper adult conversation, it's even more annoying if you have a partner who gets in and stops completely because they've 'been at work all day' and you're still on the go at 9pm, and on 24 hour stand-by but thats dependant on how you share things once your partner is home (and the one thing i think really causes issues between couples) but apart from that, you can slob out in your pjs all day, go out whenever you want, sit at the park, go for lunch, chat on the phone etc etc.

Full-tome employment has it's advantages and disadvantages, as does being a SAHP so why does there need to be this competition about who does what and how hard it is?

We should all appreciate each others jobs for how important they are and stop whinging about getting a raw deal.

UQD that's rubbish, most people, even SAHMs have worked at some point. What you say about leave is true for some not for others, I can take leave mostly whenever I like at a moment's notice, but not everyone can, just for some people being a SAHP is the easy option - but not for everyone.

I was agreeing with MadamePlatypus but Bumperlicious does have a point!

Quattrocento - noone will ever agree on this. You personally find a hard work schedule most demanding and others find a hard day with kids more demanding. Doing both I can genuinely say I find work easier, but that's just me.

I think everyone will have to agree to differ on this one

Connie I was going to say something similar lol.
When i only had one then two children i thought i worked so hard. Thought I deserved a medal lol !
How wrong I was. I didn't actually know what hard work was until I had over 4 kids.
Now I have lots and I still don't think it's that much work.
As I said earlier, be organised, get systems in place that work, it's not rocket science.
When other mums ask how I 'cope' with all these kids I genuinely don't understand what theyre asking.
They say things like " I can barely cope with these 2" And I have to ask myself how they could possibly find 2 kids difficult to cope with.
But I thought that way when I only had 2

UQD - and yes there are no written targets and rules when looking after kids but there are the unwritten ones like they need to be fed/clean/happy/well behaved etc, pretty important

kitty..well then you and connie should have more sympathy from the OP then....and seriously, I do salute you for your competence but just want you both to realise not everyone is as competent as you, and its not their fault.

more sympathy for the OP i meant

I found work an absolute piece of piss compared to having pre-schoolers. Even with an hour long commute each way.

'Also how many SAHM's are sat on Mn for at least part of the day? Obviously you get some or a break or where would you get the chance' The same could be said for those mn'ers who work.

However I think the point of the Op has been lost. It is not about who works harder but rather not having your contribution appreciated. At some point we must have all sat down with our partners and discussed whether to stay at home whilst our partner went out to work and I assume it was agreed by both partners. Thus making one partner feel belittled because she has the so called 'easier' role is not really on at all.

herecomethegirls. I am not more competent, I am just organised. I think the op has nothing to complain about work-wise. Her dh made an insensitive comment though.

kitty - well, you find it easier now anyway, and that is great...I'm sure you have learned the hard way too.

Be gentle on those of us still learning though

Perhaps the OP couldn't give a shit about whether MNers think her day is tough and was looking for a little support because her dh didn't appreciate her, I get that.

Exactly, she didn't come on for even less support and to be told she had it easy and should stop moaning.

the curse of the am i being unreasonable topic

i didnt read it as a support seeking thread

tho my suggestion would be to maybe change how op views the day, drop an activity or set herself lower targets

which might help

and also tell dp that she feels unappreciated and it has upset her

May be the problem here is semantics. Being a SAHM is not 'hard' in terms of intellect, or 'hard' in terms of physical labour and no one is going to sack you so its not 'hard' to keep the job, but there IS something uniquely stressful about not even being allowed to go to the toilet alone. Imagine having your boss phone you to demand things constantly throughout your first wee of the day, and continue to demand things of you throughout your shower before you even got to breakfast and having called you every 3 or 4 hourly throughout the night for the last 3 years. I was a full time secondary teacher before I had children and that was a busy and demanding day but I was allowed a moment or two alone on a daily basis. It was less demanding in a very real way. And I got paid. And people said 'thank you'. And I got some of the weekend off. I dont have hard days but I do often have relentless days. I choose to stay at home, I am very lucky and the being with the kids part is generally lovely, it is the trying to do that part of the day AND achieve the household chores at the same time I find mind numbing. When I worked we could afford a cleaner and neatly avoid the problem that my DH appears to be blind to chores and allergic to doing them. If I had a cook and a cleaner being at home with my two would be lovely at all times..instead i have just reminded myself that mn is in fact a guilty pleasure and I should be rushing about achieving all the household stuff before DD2 wakes up. Off I jolly well go

I get the point about support and lack of appreciation but I also get the point about slightly exasperation and need for a reality check

The OP actually did not say that she is irritated by a thoughtless comment. What she did say is that she wants her DH to "admit" that staying at home is not the easy option

Difficult for him to admit to something he doesn't in his heart believe, I imagine

unquiet dad in teaching if you have a broken ankle, severe migrane, sickness bug etc you get to phone in sick and a stand in will take your place. as a sahm if you are genuinley ill there is no stand in and most young kids dont understand that mummy can get sick too and they will still be demanding, noisy and messy!! also you have weekends off so you can arrange your nights out on a fri or sat knowing that the next day you will get to sleep off your hangover! most sahm mums dont get this option as their dh will be getting the sleep in coz he works harder!!

there are no days off, paychecks promotions etc. for sahm and when saying my job is harder than my dp's i was referring to my dp who works in a call center not a school and if he is ill or tired he phones and switches his day off. i dont think my dd's would react to kindly if i called them and told them that i would not be looking after them today i would do it tommmorrow instead coz i fell asleep in front of the boxing last night and have neck ache!!

i am aware there are a lot of stressfull jobs out there with very little space for slacking off if you dont feel right but being a sahm is just the same as that there is no watching tv, sitting down, or lunch breaks as many working ppl seem to think there is

zippi- yes, you actually tried to tackle the real issue here unlike the rest of us You speak sense