to be fed up with dh for not admitting that it's hard to be a sahm?

[PTA]

Long story short, went for a walk on Monday and fell hurting my ankle, went to A&E not broken just very badly sprained, stay off it for 48hrs and no driving.

DH had to take this week off to help with the boys or they were going to miss everything that the normally do. Tuesday ok as quiet day, he enjoyed Wednesday as he got to go to DS2 Downs group, yesterday was really hectic with mothers and toddlers for DH2 and gymnastics for DH1. We also had to enrol DS1 at school, do some shopping and there was and Open University information day that I was really keen to pop into. And then we went to see DH's grandparents.

You would think that he has been having to look after 200 and not two children!!! And I've been helping. He thinks he is hard done by and when I said "welcome to my world" he said that I had it easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could kill him. He just doesn't listen and when I pointed out that I do everything that he has been doing plus all the things like cooking and seeing to the washing that I've still been doing he said that I was used to it and while that's true it doesn't make it any easier.

He is away to do the two lots of swimming lessons this morning and you should have seen his face when I explained the timetable.

9.00 take DS1 to nursey

9.30 be in the pool with DS2

10.00 lesson ends, get DS2 washed and dressed and bring back to me

11.15 pick DS1 up

11.30 get DS1 to the pool for his lesson

And I fed DS2 for him, got out DS1 clothes and packed both the swimmingbags!!!!!!!!!!!!

He has also been let off lightly because the weather has been so good. DS1 was pottering about in the garden Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon and did not need amusing or want to got to the park, etc.

But what really, really gets to me is that, despite all this, he won't say, "Good job" or "I don't know how you do this" or anything nice about it. He genuinely thinks that I have it easy and that he has the tough job moving papers about his desk. And I know that he is finding it difficult to cope, so why can't he admit that it's not the easy option staying at home?

On the plus side, it has made me realise that I am going to have to be more careful and loose weight. I hate to think about how things would be if I was laid up for longer and while he was great when DS2 was born and for 9weeks in hospital, but I was always about and my family chipped in and helped.

I know part of it is down to my control freakery but would it really kill him to acknowledge that it is hard to be at home all day?

but msparkle they arent problems with being a sahp

they are problems of relationships

Yeah Zippi, you rock. [fawns]

I agree zippi, or possibly not being able to have a conversation withjout using words that mean nothing to anyone else.

DP told someone during a presentation at work that they were 'dee' (ds's word for finished) and that's only being at home for paternity leave, let alone years and years!

"Alot of women on here DO have partners who expect alot from them"

My partner may expect his clothes to magically reach the washing basket but he'd soon be disappointed.

Being a SAHP does not mean the other party is void of all responsibilty.

Some men say such things in the privacy of their own home or within their circle of friends.

And some men prefer to have a dp at home.

But they would never say it in public.

"It's kind of hard though when your role is not seen as "not a job" though and have people wonder "what you do all day?" "

I don't see my role as a job, so I don't expect other people too. I don't see any reason why I should be asked to justify it, but that's different.

Women don't have to write these articles. I'm thinking of someone like Minette Marrin (who writes for the Telegraph) comes out with some of the worst misogyny I've seen and has often been quoted on here. And not all the editors are male. I don't read the Daily Mail but I'm pretty sure the articles in "Femail" (do they still have that?) are commissioned by women.

i do understand what it is like to be lonely and unappreciated and scared of your husband coming in the door at the end of the day

but i still think that is a relationship problem not a sahm one

Agree FallenMadonna, what I do all day is no-one elses business, DP and I are happy with it so stuff them, it's still not a job though.

zippitippitoes, they are the problems of relationships based on the man working and the woman being a sahm.

When I was at work I had a team member who was always late, always first to go to lunch and laways last back. Fucking idle and expected everyone else to pick up her workload. I worked my arse off and did a bloody good job.
Now i am a SAHM I work my arse off and do a bloody good job. I suspect that there are some SAHMs doing the at home equivalent of my former collegue.

I think the WOHM and SAHM 'divide' is largely nonsense. I think you committ to your task in your enviroment or you don't.

Personally. Choose to do what moves, motivates or sustains you and do your best at it. Everything else is so much blah

MsSparkle, it isn't, it's based on lack of respect and clear boundaries.

My XP was an arse and expected me to do everything, because I did do it, he continued expecting, I learnt the hard way.

DP however knows that I am happy to do the majority of the housework and that I am happy to be the one who does childcare whilst he works, but eh also knows I am not a skivvy and will happily do his share.

There are relationships in which both parties work and the man still expects the wife to do everything.

"Alot of women on here DO have partners who expect alot from them, expect there dirty washing to go from the floor/next to the wash bin, be magically washed/ironed/folded and put away. Alots of womens partners do also expect the house to stay completly spottless and come home and say "but you've been home all day, what have you been doing?"

I don't mean to sound flippant, but they picked the wrong partner then. Not all men think like this. Not even the majority. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for the choices we make in life. There must be alarm bells that ring about a persons attitudes before it gets to the point of sharing a life/home/children.

If you want your Gene Hunt caveman type, don't be surprised if he turns out to be a chauvinist pig.

A constructive suggestion.

In very general terms, men like problems and tasks. To have things presented clearly and to be shown to be clear "jobs" with aims and objectives. Maybe some of you who are fed up with feeling under-appreciated should just take 5 minutes to write down everything you have done that day, how long it took and how successful you felt you were at doing it, and show it to DH when you have a suitable moment after he gets home.

(Not suggesting for a minute you should always do this - just as a one-off example.)

Of course, be prepared for him to retaliate with a list of his paid tasks at work.

"Being a SAHP does not mean the other party is void of all responsibilty."

You are right and that's point i'm trying to make. It's not a sahms job to be responsiable for everything at home but in alot of cases sahms are expected to do this stuff because they haven't "been at work all day"

Agree with VS Ms Sparkle. DH is a wohp and I am a sahp, and our relationship is not as you describe.

its not always easy to leave tho dadada

it took me 23 years

pagwatch...i'm sorry. i'm not saying being at home with children is easy. i'm saying it's easier than going out to work. and it is. im a sahm now and i love it. stroll in the park for me.

So if both parties woth then everything is fair and equal. I don't think so (at least not going by what I see here or in rl)

For some men it's a gender-based power game imo.

well yes clearly some partners will finnd an argument whatever the situation

itn is just easy if you are a sahp an easy target that is

I agree mercy but again that's a problem in the relationship.

What is it with all the threads on this right now?