AIBU for Not going to a wedding I rsvped yes too.

[Noweddingformeow]

Another wedding one.
I was part of a close friendship group of four women, each a pair of best friends that spent a lot of time all together.

One friend got engaged and is only having the other three as bridesmaids, my best friend is dating the grooms best friend so this makes sense.
I was disappointed but just had to get on with it, I offered to help with the planning etc. It’s been 8 months since the engagement and I have only seen the other three four times and the last they just talked about the wedding and experiences they had with out me so I wasn’t part of the conversation. I gave up asking to catch up with them a while ago because they were always doing wedding stuff and I was told no. I have spent time with another friend who is going travelling, the person she was going with can’t go now and I have been asked to go instead. But I would have to miss the wedding to go ( dates can’t be changed).

I sent a text letting the bride know I am no longer able to attend the wedding and I got back pages and pages on text saying disappointed she is as we are such close friends, and that I can just miss her wedding and she booked her hens weekend assuming I would be there.

I just want to scream. The cost of the hens weekend and cost for going to the wedding will nearly be as much as half of the holiday.

I want to write back, we aren’t really friends anymore. I felt like I was pushed out the group a while ago, so I moved on.
I wish you all the best in your celebrations, but I won’t be attending.

Have you read the OP's latest updates?

Oh yes I forgot there was a law which says single people can’t go out with couples.

Honestly OP they sound awful. Have fun travelling.

I have
the best friend and her had a nice exchange
seems to be a very rare occurrence

They’ve dropped you not just because of the wedding but also because you are single? Wow, they really are a shitty bunch of friends. You are absolutely doing the right thing going travelling and skipping the wedding and hen.

he last time we all caught up I was told it was dinner and drinks and there would be 6 of us going to the hens night. At some point a few months ago they changed the plans to the spa. They did send an email which I missed and didn’t realise the plans had changed until after I said I wasn’t going to the wedding, I then said I wouldn’t be going to the hens due to the cost. But I didn’t agree to the spa before they booked it.

you aren’t on a WhatsApp group with this very close group of 4 friends where the change in hen plans wasn’t ONCE discussed?

That best friend is no friend.
Move on and enjoy your holiday.

I hope karma bites them bad.

Yep me too, doesn't make sense

There is so much off about this

The op missed an email re change of hen do sent months ago

but it would appear this close group of friends don’t have a what’s app group where they once mentioned the change in hen, or at least between the op and the nest friend talk about the hen do

The op clarified
4 people of which she is one
supposedly comprising of op plus her best friend (who have no contact it would seem!)
and another two who are best friends

Yeah, in light of your update OP, I am inclined to agree with the above.

Life moves on, not always by choice. But it can't stay the same forever. Have a fantastic holiday.

I think you’ve done the right thing.

They have been shitty and still expected you to attend. Well you’ve set your boundary - I wonder how your best friend is feeling now realizing she’s been a bad friend, all for the sake of one day.

I agree she doesn't sound like a best friend. My best friends are like sisters.

I'm glad you're sticking to your decision. Tell us how your travel goes.

I think OP isn't in the group of 4 but is friends with the 4 because she is the gf of the groomsman, who I assume is the good friend of the groom.

Actually wait no I'm still confused!

@LilacLilias there's bride and 2 bridesmaids. Op is the 4th person.

I would have just said -

We used to be good friends but are no longer, so I won't be coming to your hen do or wedding.

Then I'd block all three of them and enjoy your new friendship and holiday.

Please read the OP's updates. She made a mistake in her first post, but has clarified it in subsequent posts.

feel for you OP as I think your friends have treated you terribly. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and you continue to make new friends

They phased you out and are now trying to behave like everything was ok because they feel guilty. I'm glad I don't have a group of friends. Much less toxic dynamics with one on one friendships. Enjoy your travels!

Some "best friend" also!

I do think you over-reacted to only being invited to the wedding and not a bridesmaid. I think it's okay for the bride to choose her best friend and friend who is her fiancée's sister as bridesmaids. I don't think it was personal.

But, then
They were thoughtless to book you in for an expensive hen weekend without asking

They spent too much time as the 'wedding party' doing wedding stuff which has a big impact on you, the left out 4th person.

I'm actually agog that your best friend thinks it's perfectly reasonable for you to be excluded from socialising because you are single! I've always mixed in a group where some are single, some are couples, often different ones of us being either of those at any given time. I can't think of any activity where it's imperative to have an even number going. I find this the nastiest of the lot. Couples nights/dating is something I associate with teenagers playing at being grown ups?

Tell your ex best friend to get to fuck. Remind her she might be single again herself in future, divorced, widowed, whatever, and would she like being excluded then like some kind of leper?

Wow! They're mean girls

They have been doing couple stuff so you aren't invited? How bloody rude

I'm so glad you're going traveling instead! It's horrible you were just thrown to the side like that

I think you've made the right call, OP. They've excluded you for months for being single. But bride wants you to subsidise the hen do and attend the wedding ... where you will continue to be 'on your own' so to speak.

Enjoy Thailand.

You must feel so let down OP - especially by your best friend. Gross ‘pack’ thinking.

Enjoy your holiday. You’ve made the right decision.